For those that were/are SINGLE in the ORGANIZATION, did anyone encourage you to marry a WEIRD JW?

by BonaFide 25 Replies latest jw friends

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  jws

  I remember an elder's daughter who got in a little trouble for "loose conduct" with her boyfriend. He got DFed an she got reproof (and she was the agressor according to him). A few months later, this dorky guy shows up. She was an attractive girl and kind of a wild one. This guy was definitely way out of his league with her. But, 6 weeks later they were engaged and married soon after. She cheated on him left and right and they eventually divorced. Poor guy probably thought all of his prayers had been answered, only to end up in pain.

  Another girl. Mom and dad and 2 daughters were all pioneers. Youngest daughter was at home alone several nights of the week while her parents worked at their cleaning business. Had half the single guys her age at the hall over for secret rendevous. When she blew off a friend of mine and broke his heart, my brother and I sent a love letter to her that was supposed to look like it came from one of her worldy boyfriends who had been intimate with her. We begged her to come back and got into details of what he missed doing with her. Well, wasn't too long after that that a guy showed up from out of nowhere. And then they were married shortly afterwards. This guy never cracked a smile and seemed like the most uninteresting person ever. But there she was marrying him. Both of these weddings were so obviously arranged. I have no idea how this girl's marriage ended up though. But I do know she was barely 18, moving from a strict mom and dad to marriage. I'm guessing it isn't/wasn't a smooth marriage.

  I remember my mom making "suggestions" about girls. All of which sounded horrible to me at the time. One of which actually kicked the acne and turned out pretty hot. Last I heard, 3 of the 4 kids in that family ended up at Bethel though. If she was one of them, we wouldn't have gotten along well.
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  nbernat

  I've been encouraged to marry the ugly-ass ones but mostly just been told to stay single so the honies would come to me. LOL. I've gotten pretty lucky with the ladies though...

  ...everyone seems to like me ever since we went o the beach last month and I took off my shirt....
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  Midget-Sasquatch

  I'm in my mid 30s and still single (never married). You wouldn't believe the number of times people would approach me about a sister they knew who they thought may be a good match for me. I'm always declining for one simple reason: I'm trying to get out of this cult once and for all...I don't want to condemn myself to a life sentence! I don't care anymore if they think I'm gay. Maybe the hotter sisters will be more chummy with me then.

  The english JWs at least were not introducing me to anyone too weird (relative to my own quirks). But they were glaringly even more socially under-developed than me and thats saying alot!.

  A couple of the Italian JWS were trying to set me up with some real thorns, even as recently as last year. I could see the disapppointment in the older man's eyes (he knew me since I was little) as I quickly said thatnks but no thanks. It was his cousin's daughter. Socially, she appeared well adjusted, was hard working, clean and had a strong sturdy frame. (i'm being nice about her size...but thats not the main thing that turned me off). She was undeniably ultra-brainwashed by the Borg, and an uber-pioneer. No thanks. Another girl in her early 30s wasn't bad looking and rather fairly smart but I can tell she'll be a real nag and overly domineering. Us beta males can only put up with so much you see. I'm not surprised her husband hooked up with some other women, DFed and took off.
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  CrazyBlonde

  Yep. My parents. More force than encourage really.

  First time - I was literally 11 years old, he was my parents friends son, he was about 30 years old, socially stunted. My insane mother actually asked him if he'd wait for me. I had pigtails and wanted icecream at the zoo. *puke*

  Then there was the creepy older Min Servant from some far away country town who stayed after the meetings (which were in our house, tiny congo) to have dinner and play cards and was generally weird and always wanted be my partner and was grossly suggestive. I was about 15. He was about 40. And bald. And gross.

  Next up was the poor guy (not so weird) who just happened to have parents and younger siblings, and my mother decided they needed to move to where we were living, because the need was great. So I got shipped off to stay with them as bait and his parents attempted to hook us up by sending us out alone to a congo picnic. We both were a little freaked out, and actually had a nice chat in the car, coming to the conclusion that our parents were crazy and we would just totally avoid each other at the picnic so they wouldn't keep hounding us. When I left, his mother said to me that I should come back and stay again after I am 18 so she doesn't have to feel responsible about anything happening to an underage girl. I was 17, he was about 20. I don't think he's a JW anymore.

  Still shuddering.
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  LouBelle

  I made it very clear I wanted nothing to do with marriage, though concerned ones thought I should settle down - you know with the "bloom of youth" passions arising.

  I saw many marriages to this or that one. Whenever there was a new male around all the sisters (bar me) would go dilly over him, inviting him here and there.
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  Scott77

  oh and the sisters would get sneaky. Inviting me to concerts and offering to drive. I say ok and then we make a stop and pick up a sister who of course sits next to me( wha happened?)

  I get the feeling you might have been the hot and popular guy around enough to command that kind attention.

  Then there was the creepy older Min Servant from some far away country town who stayed after the meetings (which were in our house, tiny congo) to have dinner and play cards and was generally weird and always wanted be my partner and was grossly suggestive. I was about 15. He was about 40. And bald. And gross(CrazyBlonde).

  I thought this was wierd but is grad it did not happen.:) 15 is too young better like 25 or something above that.

  They sent him to the west coast to find a bride, since all the local district/circuit was fully aware of his issues. She found out much of this later. She was well and truly stuck and thought she SHOULD be. Is it common for the real mental cases to get shipped off to another region of the country to find a spouse? (JWdaughter).

  I am sorry for this sister. A little background check might have uncovered the br.'s mental state. Otherwise, some locals elders might be emotionally attached to their local congregation witnesses and will anything to promote the interests of their immediate flock. I would not be surprised.

  Dad had all kinds of requirements for his future son-in-law such as joining him in the family study, pioneering, etc. The marriage lasted less than a year--the girl got pregnant by somebody else, she was df'd but now reinstated. The young brother returned home to live with his family, and for some reason his father was removed as an elder because of this(Bonnie_Clyde).

  This account is an eye opener. Being a Dad and more so an Elder is not guaranttee for the success of one's kind spiritually and otherwise.

  As for the afternoon spent with the anxious suitor & family, it was so surreal. There was no problem getting rid of them, my daughter had already called off the romance. Just letting the family freely speak reaffirmed they were all nuts. I fortunately didn't have to say anything, I was DFed and they let me know from the start that "ONLY" because of the seriousness of their visit would they come into my presence or allow me to speak to them. I took advantage to remain respectfully quiet & submissive in attitude and held my tongue. My husband was so pissed at how they treated me , he chewed his tongue off and kept quiet. The quieter we were the more they talked, the more they talked the crazier they sounded.They all left dissapionted for a long drive home(Blithe Freshman)

  Iam very glad both you and hubby handled the situation in a mature way. I think the other parent's talk and talk helped a lot to show what kind of family they were. I am pleased for your daughters. It finally worked best for them on their own terms.

  Yea, really, maybe I WAS THE WEIRD ONE. I will say that the QUIET brothers were viewed as more SPIRITUAL, whereas the LOUD brothers like me were often viewed as IMMATURE. When I became a missionary, that helped my reputation(BonaFide).

  I think this is a wrong misconception to promote the idea that being quiet makes one more spiritual. How about those who are shy? Think of Apostles in the first century. Some pinned bible books while others not. Paul might have been more talkative than others if Iam correct. In fact, I tend to like people who are more talkative as they are not boring. Of course, everything have their own place in life and time.

  Scott77