My JW Daughter's M-I-L Tries to Shun Me in Bank Parking Lot- Sad / Funny

by flipper 22 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  boyzone

  Hi Mr Flip, So sorry to read that treatment of you, they're just so silly sometimes.

  What I'm finding is the sisters are a lot firmer with the shunning than the brothers. As some of you know, many witnesses choose to put themselves in my path when they come in for coffee where I work. Every time without fail the sisters haven't even looked me in the eye, even when I'm making their bloody cappuccino! But if a brother comes in on his own, he is usually nicer and says hello, or at least I might get a smile.

  But if a brother comes in with the wife, boy, what a switch! The wife will treat me like a bad smell and you can almost see the fear on the bro's face if he tries to make eye contact with me! He gets the "Don't you DARE" look from the wife.

  If it wasn't so sad and pathetic I'd laugh about it too, but I'm not ready to yet. It still hurts.

  We must be so wicked to create that much anxiety in people just by existing.
• 

  boyzone

  HI Bonafide

  I understand you are not disfellowshipped, but I think's its possible that some are being plain old mean, but that others ARE SINCERELY TRYING TO BE OBEDIENT FOR YOUR SAKE.

  Remember, that's what we were taught.

  Thats true. But sincerity isn't enough. People have committed the most appalling atrocities out of a sincere belief they were doing the right thing.

  What shunning is, is psycological bullying and emotional blackmail, pure and simple. The Witnesses dress it up as something loving and good so they feel a bit better about practicing it. And those that return are the ones that succumb to the emotional blackmail.

  It reminds me of the scripture that says, "woe to those that say bad is good and good is bad."

  With the colossal amount of hurt and damage shunning has caused in the name of God, I wouldn't want to be in the shoes of a Witness on judgment day, no siree.
• 

  Marjorie

  I have never shunned anyone by my own choice.

  Let me explain. In the KH, I always went up to the DF'd one, and greeted him/her. I would refuse to shun them, and told them so. But the person wanted to be reinstated, and not appearing to shun them would interfere with that. In between meetings we would talk. The person would be so scared that the elders would find out, but I told them not to worry, that I would never openly jeopardize their reinstatement. I did not like it, but it was not my call to make.

  The elders would sometimes give me a mild scolding. "Sister Marjorie, that person is applying for reinstatement..." You all know the rest.

  But I want them to feel like they're welcome to come back to the congregation, I would say. How could the elders argue with that?

  "Well, as long as you remember not to have any further contact, with him/her, it's okay," the elders would reply. And I would nod yes. Sadly.

  I don't know why the DF'd one would trust me. Maybe it was because I hadn't spent my entire life in the B0rg, or maybe it was because my hubby was not a JW. I guess that I'll never really know why now. But I will say this: I wish that I had had the presence of mind to leave the WTS after this happened the first time. {sigh}
• 

  Marjorie

  Boyzone:

  What I'm finding is the sisters are a lot firmer with the shunning than the brothers.

  True, true, true!
• 

  slimboyfat

  This same witness woman treated me and Mrs. Flipper nice at her son and my daughters wedding 3 years ago - however that was in front of other witnesses watching where they have to give a good appearance . But if you get witnesses off by themselves - their true colors show up because they don't have to impress anybody - so they treat you like hardened cow dung. Amazing. I just shrugged it off and chuckled. Have you folks experienced different treatment like this when witnesses are off by themselves ? As always - I look forward to hearing from you.

  That's strange, I have known Witnesses to shun disfellowshipped people when other Witnesses are watching, but talk to them when they see them alone.
• 

  verystupid77

  I am sorry it does hurt. This past week-end I was shunned by an older elder in my hall. I was at a coffee shop sitting outside and it was right after the meeting let out. He walks really slow because he is so old. Well I looked up and he saw me it was kind of like the deer in the head light look, he turned on a dime and shuffled off in the opposite direction. Yeah it hurt. All I have done is not go to the meetings for ten weeks. I am no DF'ed but you know how Love is the Identifying mark of the true religion. I am still a sheep I thought but then again I do not agree with pedophiles so there you go. That is why I stopped going to the meetings and well you know how the elders feel about child rapest. We never want to make a child rapest ever feel bad.
• 

  chickpea

  well, mr f....

  i think ya did it just right...
  my hub has always said
  "kill 'em with kindness,
  it'll drive them crazy"....

  that righteous-overmuch
  attitude grants no real
  satisfaction at all....
  just a grim residue
  of how good ya are
  at being a d-bag...
  they can only have
  so much zeal for that
  kind of job-description...
  it is hard damn work!!

  kill 'em with kindness, mate!
• 

  undercover

  I can relate Flip...I got shunned by some old friends the other day. I started a thread on it...

  I'm like you, I find it somewhat amusing. I guess it would hurt more if it were close family but in my case it was just old friends that I haven't seen in years. Why they think they need to snub me is confusing, I'm not DFd/DAd.
• 

  Marjorie

  A persecution complex is not the only complex that the WTS inculcates. It can also inculcate a superiority complex.

  So much for "the love that refreshes" (I'm sure that I've read that line somewhere... ).
• 

  dobbie

  Sorry you've had a rough couple of weeks Mr Flipper. They're the ones missing out not us. I know what it's like, i get shunned daily. Doesn't bother me if they're not related but with hubby's family it's another story but i make sure i don't show it! At least the jws who live next door always throw the kids ball back over the fence for them so they are half human!