Whoa! I inspired a video!
Nice one Tired
Spiritually Weak - "Where does the bible say that?"
Anal Elder - "I can't see the air under your feet"
Anal Pioneer - "I can jump higher than everyone else"
If the Society says "JUMP!"
by nicolaou 31 Replies latest jw friends
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nicolaou
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snowbird
Self-righteous snitch: I have it from a reliable source that Bro/Sis S0-and-S0 don't JUMP on "Family Bible Study Night."
Sylvia
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AllTimeJeff
Elders on Shep Call: "You need to seriously consider how you can jump higher, more often."
Pub: "But I am in a wheelchair!"
Elders: "If you loved Jehovah more, you would find a way to pimp out your wheelchair so it could jump..."
Pub: "But I am poor and can't afford a jumping wheelchair."
Elders: "Remember, jumping is all about sacrifice to our great jumper in the sky Jesus, er, Jehovah"
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mrsjones5
Unbaptised born-in who knows the truth about the lie: ROFLMAF! When pigs fly!
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keyser soze
The society after a r&f breaks their neck jumping: "We never told anyone to jump. A few presumptuous brothers who thought they knew more than us decided on their own to jump."
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boyzone
The kids in the congregation say
"But I don't wanna jump"
The teens say
"I'll jump only when you're watching me"
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journey-on
JW old timers: "Back then we jumped higher and longer...in 100 deg. weather...no A/C...never complained...jumped two or three hours before we even thought about taking a break. You kids don't know the meaning of 'jump' nowadays...ya buncha wussies!"
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rebel8
Anointed: Our jumps are better than your jumps.
Writers of the Revelation Climax book: Jump while doing math problems.
Writers of the Old Testament: mene mene jump jump
Parents of teen girls: Hold your skirt when you jump so no one sees your underpants.
Writers of 1961 Watchtower article on girls/cows: Jump with your chastity belt on.
JR Brown: God doesn't inspire us to tell publishers when to jump. He just directs us to.
Baptismal vow elders: Jump like you mean it.
Friends: If she doesn't jump, dibs on her house after the birds peck her eyes out.
Judicial Committee: Where there 2 witnesses to the jumping?
Smurfs: If you jump, I'll scratch your kids in the night and breathe heavily.
Demonized Ouija board in BBQ grill: Noooooooooo! Doooonnnnn'tt jummmmmmp!
John Denver: Ha! Tricked you into jumping!
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rebel8
UN NGO Office: No, WE told YOU to jump, and you did. Many times. Don't deny it.
Hitler: Please remove your lips from my buttocks.
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Spook
The governing body: "Let's remove the last time we said jump from WT Library CD, then write a book about why some brothers at that time felt it was good to jump for themselves. By the way, everyone of us who voted against jumping better not say "I told you so" if further jumping is required in the future."
The governing body the next day: "Who said jump? We merely mentioned that some Christians may find jumping in line with their bible-guided conscience and after praying about it should consult with their families."
The governing body the next day: "Thank you for writing with your question regarding jumping. We refer you to the article about jumping in Watchtoer."
The governing body the next day: "Thank you for writing with your question about jumping. We recommend that with matters like these one decide to wait on Jehovah."
The governing body the next day: "...Some brothers have felt that jumping is warranted for their families. Yet, it is never the place of the FDS to tell the brothers what to do."
The governing body the next day: "...Compared with the clergy of Christendom who foolishly demand people to jump out of disdain for the love of Christ!"
Pioneers: Gossip about who isn't jumping high enough and make creepy jokes about sex.
MS: I sure hate jumping, but some day I'll be an elder on easy street. Plus hot chicks date the highest jumper.
Hot Chicks: I don't really want to jump, but I have to mary an MS to get the hell out of my parents house. I'll record fake jumping hours and auxiliary pioneer, then blow off the highest jumper in the back seat of my late model honda civic after a PG-13 movie."
Spook and his chums in the day: Let's take these hot chicks out in service and go to the arcade instead - I hear they party - or sit in the parking lot and listen to punk rock music. Who needs a beer? Wait, did someone say jump. Here, toss those magazines about jumping in the garbage. Sanitation workers need salvation, too. God, I'm hungover. And here I have to give a 10 minute talk on jumping tonight. I'm just going to paraphrase from the magazine and see if anybody notices.