Advice...?

by bazackward 14 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  bazackward

  Hey guys,

  I'm new but have been lurking for awhile and this seems like a pretty good group. I have a dilemma and am not sure what to do (if anything) about the situation.

  My 83-year-old grandmother has been a JW for her whole life. I remember her taking my brother and I to a meeting or two when she babysat while my parents were out of town. Anyways, now that she's older and not in the best of shape, she's finding it very difficult to get transportation to and from meetings and other JW obligations. Basically no one is paying attention to her like they used to. My mom (raised a JW but never baptised) called the KH and left a voice mail shaming them for ignoring my grandmother etc. and they have since then been a little better about getting her to meetings, but only the bare minimum. My mother (and I as often as I can go) takes her out to a meal once a week, runs errands with her, and whatever else my grandmother needs.

  The combination of the attention from the non-JW side of her family and lack of attention from the KH seems to have softened her JW side and she seems more willing than I have ever seen her to talk about the JWs and even be slightly critical! There has been no push from my mother or I -- we just let her speak.

  I have spent a lot of time studying the JWs of late and my mother thinks that I should encourage her to question the JWs a bit more. I am reluctant to do so because:

  1) My grandmother is absolutely the nicest woman you could ever meet in your life and I would never want to do anything to change that or offend her.

  2) Watchtower has been such a huge part of her life I have to believe that it played some role in her being who she is and I would feel horrible if she changed because of something I did.

  3) The idea of where would she go? What would she do? etc.

  I guess that probably gives a decent picture of the situation and the question of what to do. Any help you all could provide is appreciated.
• 

  AK - Jeff

  I think it to be a tough choice from the standpoint of your information about the cult. On the other hand, all three of the reasons you state would likely sway me to just leave it alone.

  • Religion of any brand is positive to some people - apparently your grandmother is one of those.
  • She is quite aged - what would she do if she saw the 'Truth' for what is really is? It would likely just upset the rest of her life and without benefits for her or you. If she was 50 that would be a different matter [perhaps].

  I see no cost/benefit that would make me lean toward debunking her religion - unless of course she initiated such conversations. I see no positive that would come from such an approach.

  Just my opinion.

  Jeff
• 

  thomas15

  I'm not now nor never been a JW. I think it is a little hard to answer you as I'm not sure what the ultimate goal is.

  What are your beliefs and are you looking to exchange her WT beliefs for something else, something you believe in?

  Tom
• 

  The Berean

  With my record, giving you advice might be like the "blind leading the blind" (Matthew 15:14)

  Please however, allow me to praise your sensitivity. To me, our world would be a better place if we all followed your lead.
• 

  Witness 007

  My old Mother spends a fortune giving Witnesses money for Petrol so she can go to the Meetings and Witnessing....I Pioneered and drove most of these assholes around for 10 years and thats the thanks I get!
• 

  bazackward

  Sorry I figured I left out some information. My mom feels that I/we should encourage her to further question the WT since she seems to have made the first steps on her own. Having been raised (to age 17) as a JW, my mother is pretty anti-JW, but not in front of my grandmother. This is for many of the reasons many of you have talked about in your posts. (As a side note, those posts have helped me to understand my mother much better now having an idea of what her childhood was like.)

  The idea here is certainly not to put her into another religion. I'm definitely not an evangelizer of any sort. I just want her to be happy and my mother feels she is not happy at the KH.
• 

  leavingwt

  If she were my 83-year-old JW grandmother, I would not pursue teaching her the truth about The Truth.
• 

  StAnn

  If it were my JW grandmother, I would just be available to her to listen. She's old. She's not a child. Let her sort this out.

  If she wishes to learn about anything against the JWs, she will ask you. If she asks your opinion, answer her truthfully or look up answers for her. For instance, if she were to ask me, "What do you think of the current blood policy?" I would answer, "The WTS says you can take blood fractions but not blood. So you can have all of the parts of blood but not blood itself. This doesn't make sense to me. I don't understand why you can have ham, mustard, lettuce, tomato, and bread if you eat each item separately but you'll be disfellowshipped if you eat a ham sandwich."

  However, she might say, "I'm concerned that I might have to have an operation. I need to know what the current blood policy is." Then I'd just encourage her to ask an elder or friend from her cong. to give her a copy of the current policy and leave it at that.

  What do you think you will gain at this point? If the people on this board are an indication, it takes a long time after leaving the Dubs to get over the psychological abuse you've suffered and it creates a lot of distress. I'd hate to see someone die in a state of turmoil and distress.

  St. Ann
• 

  Chalam

  Hi and welcome!

  It all depends what you believe and how passionately you are about that belief?

  Obviously, you have seen the light regarding the lack of light in the kingdom halls :)

  My own belief, is that Jesus is THE light of the world, not the WT and I would rather let anyone know that is THE truth before they die. After all

  Hebrews 9:27 (New International Version)

  27 Just as man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgment

  But, it is up to you.

  All the best,

  Stephen
• 

  rebel8

  I say follow her lead. If she asks questions, answer them, then pause. Don't say anything else unless she asks another question.

  It is possible that she wants to come to terms with things that have been bothering her for years. Maybe she feels guilty over getting your mom involved with a group whose dastardly side she now sees. Or maybe she loves the borg and just wants to vent a little.