this would be fine under necessary family business for her to talk to daughter and granddaughter and babysit so this elder has given the wrong advice if this story is true.
JW grandma, unbelieving grandpa and DF'd daughter - babysitting rules
by Bonnie_Clyde 36 Replies latest jw friends
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Pistoff
"She even asked the circuit overseer a few weeks ago about how to handle things when her husband brought the DF'd children to the house. "
Here in a nutshell is the perfect example of how CORRUPT the WT is on this and other issues. The congregation and written line is to NEVER see df'ed family, except at funerals (what I call JW family reunions).
The CO tells her to be discreet!! He knows it is unrealistic and damaging, so he tells her to be reasonable. Where was the elder?
Here is a better question: why would anyone ask an elder anything? Why even talk to them? Did Grandma dedicate her life to the elders? Has she seen them make dunderheaded mistakes in the past? Can she think through a matter, and see that maybe God would want her to see her grandchild, be a part of her life? God makes it rain on all, right?
I never speak to elders unless I can avoid it. Even when I went regularly, I just could not stand to talk to them. When I still cared about them, I several times took them to task for doing NOTHING for the young ones in the hall, never called them up to play ball, never just a call to say hi.
They are worse than useless; they are artificially given the aura of spiritual mentors, not earning it but have it given to them by the FDS, and at best they are inept, uneducated rule makers and hall monitors who are on a power trip.
Yes, I am still pissed off at the elders; this is just one reason why. Why couldn't the elder give the counsel to just be discreet? Would they take away his decoder ring?
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sammielee24
this would be fine under necessary family business for her to talk to daughter and granddaughter and babysit so this elder has given the wrong advice if this story is true.
Not necessarily true. Babysitting is not necessary family business...necessary business is considered things like death. I have a letter that spells it out from a family member who told me that if my husband dies I'm to let them know..that's family business. On the flip side his mother was quickk to point out that if he is reinstated, they can be a family again....I personally think she has the whole concept of family screwed up but hey, that's just me..Weddings and births and babysitting don't factor in as necessary - they're optional. No kid should be subjected to conditional acceptance so early in life - it sets the standard and the more it's done, the greater the damage that can happen. sammieswife.
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StAnn
"No kid should be subjected to conditional acceptance so early in life - it sets the standard and the more it's done, the greater the damage that can happen."
Sammieswife, you are correct. The DF'd daughter needs to suck it up and find a real babysitter to protect her baby from the Borg.
St. Ann
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OnTheWayOut
....so this elder has given the wrong advice if this story is true.
All elders follow the WTS, so it goes without saying that they give the wrong advice.
That said, it is up to each of us to decide what they will tolerate from family. While you or I might think or decide differently in this case, many others don't want to lose what little family contact they have or don't want their child to grow up never knowing his grandmother/grandparents.I knew all four of my grandparents until adulthood. My wife knew one until she was a young child and that one died. That kind of stuff makes a difference. For all we know, this grandma is so entrenched in the belief that she won't violate the rules. I would decide to force the issue by withholding the grandchild, but I might cave in if she did not. I might try allowing only supervised visitations to grandparents that shunned me. Each person must figure out what they want in their own situation.
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carla
Just a 'what if' scenario- what if grandma is babysitting and grandpa went fishing or something and the child was somehow injured and needed blood, mom is unreachable so grandma is all there is, would grandma give consent to give blood to save the baby's life or would she feel bloodguilty if she allowed it? would she rather watch her granchild die than risk her own ass?
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purplesofa
Obviously the DF daughter, even though being DF still believes what the WT teaches, Just because you are DF does not mean you are detached from the teachings.
All three adults are in the WT spell and soon the grandbaby will be too. Very sad situation.
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Bonnie_Clyde
"The DF'd daughter needs to suck it up and find a real babysitter to protect her baby from the Borg."
D'd daughter gets along very well with her dad and she wants him to be part of her baby's life. Sometimes grandpa just stays with the baby while grandma goes off in service. But I can see how this could more difficult as baby gets older--daughter might have to insist that only grandpa stay with the child and get another sitter for the rest of the time.
And the WT states that we "build strong families"?
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sammielee24
The problem that I have when kids are involved is that a JW is conditioned to ignore the family bond in favor of the Watchtower. This is why they can practice shunning..and having talked to any number of JW's who have themselves shunned their own kids or parents, in the end it ain't all that hard for them because of that conditioning.
I had one grandma tell me that her sons boy was adopted and he 'wasn't one of them'..meaning he wasn't a JW, so he didn't matter.
The child comes second to the society and while I believe that the relationship between grandparents and children can be a special one, I also understand mental illness. The family of an alcoholic, a drug addict, a JW, come second to the priority in that persons life..and if a child is not one of them, he or she becomes secondary to a JW. Children begin to understand that very early on the adult has a problem but they don't have resources early on to separate all that and some feel guilt at not being good enough or for being 'different'.
Not saying all that stuff happens, but a JW to me is just like an alcoholic - the Watchtower comes first to the JW, the bottle comes first to the alcoholic - people factor in after that. sammieswife.
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loosie
I'm sorry when I read your post I thought the grandma was df'd. I think if she found another baby sitter for awhile, one that would be able to talk to her. Grandma may just see the light and realize that elders shouldn't dictate family relationships.