First of all Id like to say hello to everyone on this website, and to thank and acknowledge each and every one of you for your individuality, personal experience, and in some cases, commitment to truth.
Having read some of the heartfelt topics and posts here have served to be a great encouragement to me, more than some could imagine.
My name is Jason, and I am a recovering ex-JW.
I guess this would be an ideal time to tell my life story as an abbreviated version, so here goes.
I was "born into, or raised" in the organization. My grandfather was an elder for 45 years, and served as one of the very first JW in the south Chicagoland suburbs. He converted to JW immediately after serving in WWII, undoubtedly appealed by the notion of peace and life, having endured the stench of death for far too long while serving his country. He and my grandmother converted to JW way back in the early 1940's, even having attended the famed convention at the Polo Grounds in NY.
Anyway, my mother was 'born' into the truth also, and I guess the reason Im even going back this far is to stress the point there was alot of imbedded JW history engrained into my family before I was even conceived.
Now to me. My father was never a JW, never expressed much interest in organized religion period, and my mother met and married him in her early 20's, her rebelling period.
I was 'born' into the Truth, and my grandfather all too often assumed the role of father for me because to be blunt, my dad was a deadbeat. My father molested my sister, drank too much, and caused many family problems, so my grandfather lovingly paid the bills, cared for me, taught me, and took me to meetings as a child even if to get me away from the family squabbles.
To an impressionable child, it appeared the Truth was the obvious and only solution. I love my grandfather dearly to this day, he gave from the heart without asking and firmly believed and possessed a love for God, so much so that even with ailments including high blood pressure, arthritis, diabetes, and chronic fatigue syndrome he went out in service in an electric wheelchair for 50 to 60 hours a week up until his death at age 85. Needless to say, seeing his commitment and love for God, I was moved. True organization or not, I believe his actions and faith will preserve him if there is a loving God.
Back to the story, despite serious problems at home, I excelled in school. I attribute this to committing myself unwaveringly to something to make myself feel successful or needed. I graduated from high school at age 16, and from college with my BA at age 19. In my childhood I was not allowed to have any friends unless they were JW, and I was not allowed to participate in extracurricular activities even though I know I couldve starred on the football team because I snuck to a practice and was offered a starting spot.
The congregation I attended the first 18 yrs of my life was a very odd one. Canterbury Congregation in Markham, Illinois. We were the only white family to attend, the rest of the Hall was black. There was supposed to be no racism, but I found myself often left out of activities. Not to mention it felt awkward being a little white boy amidst everyone else who was nothing like me. But I was forced to go, and eventually found solace in the teachings, believing it to be truth.
I remained extremely faithful and zealous for several years, until my grandfather died. He was my motivation, and with his passing, I felt as though my heart were ripped from my chest. At this time, I entered a severe state of depression, and this is where the revelation began. Over a 2 yr period.. do you know how many Witnesses from the Congregation I grew up in visitied me? ZERO. Every teenager in my age bracket who went to that Hall, 8 in total, no longer attend meetings at all, chalking it up to hypocrisy.. yet the elders there maintain something is wrong with each one of us.. and not the congregation. LOL
So, I stopped going to the Hall after my grandfather died, and they just tossed me to the side. No visits, no friends to associate with because I was labeled "bad association" simply because I stopped attending out of depression. How sick is that?
For 2 years I stopped going to the Hall, and then something much worse lurked over the horizon.
My mom remained in the organization, my brother is now married and remains in the organization, having married a pioneer.
Just casually I ended up meeting an extremely beautiful woman who winded up being a sister, and also a pioneer. It had been 2 years of loneliness so I figured I would give it one last shot, so I tried to date her and go back to the hall, albeit transferring to a different one.
My mom and brother and all parties involved were so sure this was the right thing for me, that "Jehovah would bless me" for drawing back to him like the prodigal son, and that being with a sister who is a pioneer would encourage and strengthen me, so heres what happened.
We dated for a time, and she enjoyed dancing, going out to restauraunts or theme parks, but she had family problems too. Her father kicked her out of her home at age 18 for no reason, so I lovingly helped her move her furniture. She often got depressed because her sister was suicidal.. what did I do? I drove 2 hours in a hailstorm to wipe her tears. I cooked for her, cleaned, took her out... spared no expense on this woman I thought I loved and that was a "pioneer"
When her mother who is also a JW found out that she had gotten an apt and allowed me to spend the night, even though we never had sex, she went to tell the others, and to make herself look innocent.. the story which came about was that I attempted to rape her. Now picture that. To be accused of a sickening crime such as rape by someone you felt you loved, that was supposed to be a pioneer, and to be brought before a judicial committee for something you had not done. To have your name tarnished all over again, all to make herself look innocent.
I had my doubts over that 2 yr period when no brothers came to visit me, but after the experience with the accused rape and the judicial hearing in which the brothers seemed obsessed with trivial sexual details as though they enjoyed discussing it I knew without question this was not Gods organization. Having done extensive research on failed prophecies, UN association, Friend of the Court filings to save money when they projected it as only a change in policy to donation basis.. when I learned these things I disassociated myself from the organization and cursed the day I ever met and had to live the first 21 yrs of my life in confusion because of these a$$holes.
As it is now, I am alone, or so it feels. I dont have any friends my age because the only ones I had growing up were JW. My own brother and my mother either barely or wont associate with me because I DA myself. I see the hypocrisy and the lies and the politics within, but now I am alone. I feel liberated because I have had the courage to walk away from such a corrupt and sick organization, but its hard to be alone.
I feel like I have so much to offer. I am 21, in good health, multiracial, love to cook, speak 5 languages, have my degree, a personal trainer, have old loving family values in which I promised to be a better man than my father was, but now I am alone. The organization ruined my life. Now I am trying to pick up the pieces. I know this thread seems rambled, well it is because I have spoken what comes to mind and what is in my heart. Im sure I can put much more together cohesively if anyone wants to chat. Reading this forum and seeing other people overcome seemingly impossible odds inspired me.
Im looking for friends, so if anyone wants to chat, email me at
Most Sincerely
Jason