I really appreciate all of your advice and I have been reading every post I can find on here and other forums and sites. I will always put my son first no matter what. He is the only thing that is important to me now. Thanks again for all the advice and comments I will think about all my options and figure out what is best for me and my son.
Please help non jw in love with a studying jw
by heather613 40 Replies latest jw friends
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patchwrk
Heather, please listen to the advice or your friends here at the forum. I can speak from experience. I have been married for 34 years and I was not a witness when I married. My husband implied that he was only studying when we met. A week after we married, I attended a wedding for a witness couple and found out he had been a witness for 18 years. Since I loved him I tried everything I could to make the marriage work. I even became a witness myself. I was miserable, I felt that all my freedoms were taken away and I could not make real friends. I went along for ten years until I decided to leave the religion. I asked him if it would make a difference between us. He said that it would not. But it did! Everyone that I knew shunned me and he did too in his way. The verbal abuse and put downs escalated and he tells everyone tha I suffer from depression and all hell is in my home. If I was not as old as I am now I would surely leave. The Watchtower Society robs you of your personality and tries to turn you into a clone or robot and gives nothing in return. Take care and be careful, you are dealing with manipulation and deceit at its best.
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reniaa
Leaving him is hard if you have a child together I know but I agree with some others on here, I don't think Jw is the issue although he maybe using it to manipulate you.
You need a long honest conversation with him and avoid being sidetracked onto religion. Make it clear it's about commitment to you your child and what you both want.
I know a child makes us inclined to forgive more but be careful, people often use religion, jobs, location, friends etc to hide true motives.
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reniaa
double post oops
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heather613
I have forgiven him for what happened while I was pregnant what I'm wanting to know is when he gets his divorce can he marry me if he is still studying jw? I don't plan on joining him in religion but I have asked here in oklahoma and they will allow it with certain conditions so I'm asking any elders out there can you tell me if we can get married or not. He's been studying real hard trying to find out if there is a way for us to be together.
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uwishufish
Did you say this man was from Memphis? Leaving another child without a dad.
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heather613
no we use to live in ga we are both from michigan he wants me with him in kentucky but I know unless we were married or he quit jw that we couldn't technically be together even though the world including god will know we've already been. My son need some surgurys and kentucky has a childrens with special needs program to help with the medical cost. He's a sweet angel and by no means do the medical problems make him any less. We do want to get married still but aren't quite sure if god will approve of our marriage or if he would be df.
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isaacaustin
Would he be willing to talk to someone, such as me? PM me if you think so. I really feel for the child.
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recovering
This guy is a LOSER , He will bring nothing but heartache and pain to your precious child. By the way it isn't because of the religion that he is a loser it is all the other factors as pointed out by ynot. The fact that he is involved with the JWs is just icing on the cake.
RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN
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drew sagan
Heather,
The life you wish to have with this man simply will never be anything close to what you hope it would be. If he is currently married and then divorces he will be either disfellowshipped or heavily reproved (kind of a public shaming without the shunning). It's a gamble, you never know what is going to happen.
It's not just that he cheated on you, it is also the way that he did. Plus the fact that he has no job, a crimal record and now a hisotry of manipulative behavior.
You continue to turn to the future hoping the past will fade away. You reason that the JWs the main thing standing in the way. That is simply not true. The JWS are just one part of the problem (and possibly a small part). If this man is telling you your future relationship depends upon him being able to patch things up in the JW religion then I'm sorry girl but this relationship is just going to continue running in circles. He is using the JWs as a way to manipulate you and avoid commitment. At this point you seriously cannot trust anything this man says.
If he really wants to marry you, let him make the effort to do so. If you have to find all kinds of ways in order to 'reason' with him as to why the two of you need to be married you are headed for disaster. You may be able to convince him to marry you but even then his manipulative behavior will continue. Troubble is it's not something he has chosen to do. Sure he may say he want's to, but his actions show that he could care less.
At the very least just tell him what you want and what he must be doing in order for your relationship to work (job, divoce other wife, other). Then wait for him to make the move. Quit lowering yourself down to his level.