I was engaged to a man and was pregnant last year we lived in different states for awhile when he started studying jw without even telling me. He lied to me about why he couldn't move with me and after 5 months he finally did then out of nowhere he went back to georgia and hid his relationship with a female jw needless to say they got married. When I ofund out by calling around he told me it was for convience not love and that he would divorce her he was having alot of problems and didn't want to hurt me. I forgave him, I had our son in october last year without his father instead his family was there none of them are jw either. I finally bought him a bus ticket to come be with me and his son he came december 24 . We had decieded he would divorce and that we would be together. Our plan was he would move to kentucky get a job and a house for us, and thats what he did but about a few days ago I started wondering if his faith would approve of us getting married or even living together since we already have a son together. I love him so much I don't want to lose him but I'm so afraid that his mistake marring this women won't allow him to remarry unless she cheats on him. They don't talk anymore since I told her the truth about me and him. I talked with the kingdom hall here and they told me as long as the divorce is a legal document and he writes a letter and goes before the brothers and attends regular meetings showing or proving his faith that we could get married. I have found all these rules that jw's must go by I'm not sure if they are all true but I have asked him about thenm and he keeps telling me to stop bad mouthing his religion, I'm not trying to I just want to know the truth. We use to be so close now I don't know what to do. We've been together for about 9 years it would be 10 but the whole year in another state. Even when I got him to come up we still respected his wishes he was completely faithful I've been told now that we aren't suppose to share the same bed well we did that but we had seperate covers and we weren' close anymore. I'm not sure if it was my mistrust in him or his beliefs. Can someone please help me I really do want to marry him so much like we had planned.
Please help non jw in love with a studying jw
by heather613 40 Replies latest jw friends
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sinis
Ah, yea... cut your losses and run. Find someone else and soak him for childsupport. Your nuts if you want to hook up with a JW. Why is it I smell troll?????
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BabaYaga
Hi, Heather, welcome to the board.
Nothing we say is going to help you, because you are not ready or willing in any way to hear it. What this forum is going to tell you to do (for many reasons) is to RUN, RUN, RUN... take your son and raise him without this controlling biological sperm donor or his cult.
Your story is far too complicated... but there is not doubt of one thing: You and your son are much better without.
Read, read, read this forum until it soaks in what a destructive, controlling cult you are dealing with.
I wish you strength and peace.
Love,
Baba. -
Black Sheep
Until he realises that he is a victim of a high control cult, he is damaged goods and is not marriageable material.
Either get him out of the cult or run away.
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heather613
thanks everybody
I know right now he has not been able to attend any meetings but still studys and is not yet baptized. I have asked him to read everything about this religion hoping that he will realize that we won't be together if he stays with it. I'm guessing the way that he was taught that he hasn't been told everything yet. He thought that he could marry this woman and just get a divorce and we could be happy now he doesn't know what to do he tells me that he has given him something to believe in and this has made him a better person.
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hamsterbait
This sort of thing has happened so OFTEN in the nine years I 've been here.
There is a wealth of information, and history of how things turned out. Find the threads and see for yourself.
Give your son a better start in life - find a man who treats you RIGHT and RESPECTS you. If your son dies for want of a blood transfusion you will never forgive yourself.
HB
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hamsterbait
You obviously have not realised that unless you are ALSO a baptized witness and attending all meetings, you are considered a NON_BELIEVER and he is not allowed to marry you.
If he has not told you that, then he is a half-hearted witness and will give you even worse a life, and endless mind-games.
HB
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hamsterbait
Why am I thinking "Brokeback Mountain"? Without a happy ending?
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heather613
how can I get him to believe that I am not telling lies. I know very little about all this, but from all that I've read I know its not for me
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yknot
What does he find appealing about the JWs?.....
Other denominations hold bible study courses too....(find one yall can both attend)
Oh where to begin?
You said he was studying but since he isn't baptized I would advise to just wipe the slate clean. Ask forgivenss thru Christ and let it go.
The most important thing now is yall's child. What type of future do you wish for your child?
If you envision holidays being celebrated and your child going to college then make that clear and stand by your decision as you are sole custodian of your child legally.
Sadly you must also plan an exit strategy and a way to provide for yourself and child. Relationship don't always work out and from your posting the man doesn't reek of responsibility and maturity. I know you probably want to get married and feel a sense of security but right now many state social services work in your favor for seeking higher education as a single mother.
Another thing.... he needs to 'win' you back not just merely 'decide'..... his leaving you pregnant to marry another is very disturbing!
As a mother I hope you really put off marrying him until you have a degree....
Prayers for you and the little one......