wife asked me a good question about control mechanism of DFing.....

by oompa 25 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  oompa

  when i told her i would never go back and meetings make me sick, i mentioned how DF was a control mechanism meant to keep people in the org.......and that was when i told her i really dont want to be df'd

  I prob should have said it was used to keep people in line....actually should have never told her what i thought DF was.......cause the conversation was already bad......

  but she asked "Why would the GB use it or view it as a "control mechanism?" What would be their motive?...I have always been taught it is just the bibles way of keeping the cong. clean. It is a form of sometimes needed discipline. What would the GB have to gain by using it as a "control mechanism?" I think i said it was a way to just keep people in the faith even if they have tons of doubts or dont believe it is the truth because they dont want to be shunned by all.

  funny........cause most of us know what it is and does...but i get her point. i do feel the GB are a sincere bunch, and wonder if they have even considered that DF could be viewed as a control mechanism?...........oompa
• 

  dinah

  Of course they know that, Oompa. They are all about fear and control. Just my two cents.

  What better way to shut someone up than to threaten them with loss of family and friends? Pretty powerful weapon if you ask me. After all, it managed to keep you quiet didn't it? Countless others are in your same situation. They can completely see through it, but making the choice between family and just living a lie........that's not a fair decision for anyone to have to make.

  They have so much control over the dubs, your average one that still believes will be anything, I mean anything, the GB says JUST to survive Armageddon. This includes seeing the people they love as "dead to them" just for not following along and shutting the hell up, because a JC tells them to.

  Fear and guilt. That's all they have to offer.
• 

  leavingwt

  Reject the premise that all DF'd people are "unrepentant sinners" and it's crystal clear.

  ------------------------

  Shunning is also a form of bullying. Think about it; a person leaves the Jehovah's Witness religion due to conscientious reasons; they cannot, in good faith towards their Creator align themselves any longer with Watchtower teaching and doctrine. So, they leave the faith, writing a letter to their congregation stating that they no longer wish to be known as one of Jehovah's Witnesses. They are now shunned. They are cut off from their family and friends. They lose the only support structure - both emotionally and spiritually - that they perhaps have ever known. The shunning that they receive from their family and former friends is known as relational aggression, most commonly seen among young children; one young child encourages other young children to stop playing with a child that has 'wronged' them. This is bullying and is mirrored among the practice of Jehovah's Witnesses shunning former members. In effect;

  "If you don't come back to the meetings, I'm never speaking to you again."

  Shunning also causes emotional hardships, normally in the form of severe shame and depression. To now be ignored and viewed as 'evil' or 'of the devil' by one's closest friends and family is a brutally harsh reality for former Jehovah's Witnesses. Losing 'face' and good reputation among one's peers can be grossly psychologically damaging.

  At its extremes, the practice of shunning by Jehovah's Witnesses may destroy marriages, break up families, and separate children and their parents. The effect of shunning can be very dramatic or even devastating on the shunned, as it can damage or destroy the shunned member's closest familial, spousal, social, emotional, and economic bonds.

  The long and short of it is this; shunning ruins lives and is a harsh punishment and control mechanism rolled into one. It was not practiced by Jesus; he spoke to sinners and tax collectors, he even met privately with the Pharisee Nicodemus.

  http://www.freeminds.org/blogs/watchtower-teachings/what-does-shunning-do.html
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  dinah

  leaving, love the comparison with children bullying each other to make one an outcast.
• 

  happpyexjw

  LeavingWT you have said it well. I was never DF'd myself, but left in the manner I did so as not to experience it. No one in their right mind wants to experience such a harsh punishment. I personally witnessed the effects of this practice on a number of my own relatives. It is a brutal way to try and control others and can leave lasting emotional scars. Now that I am out, I wonder how I could have ever tolerated such terrible treatment of others. It makes me feel ashamed of myself.

  The sad part of this situation for Oompa and others in similar situations is that it can be next to impossible to reach someone who is simply not ready to hear the real truth. All of us were carefully groomed to see such attempts by unbelievers to be further proof that they have the "truth." If someone writes you a letter urging you to leave, you are to immediately destroy it. You must never read or listen to anti-witness materials. Others are evil and out to destroy your faith in God and so on. This is a technique used to control the minds and actions of people who are afraid to lose what for many is the only way of life they know. The fear of losing that way of life, no matter how unfulfilling, is powerful.

  Oompa, you mentioned in a different post that you are drinking way too much. With all kindness and love, I would ask you to think about how that has played into the way you have been interacting with your wife. If you lose control and attack, she will immediately go into defensive mode and that gets you nowhere. Try to avoid confrontations and try being kind and patient with her. She is afraid of losing you, her whole way of life and at this point is unable to hear what you are telling her. Give it a rest for a while and look for ways to let her know you love her. Subtlety is the way to go I think.

  I wish you peace.
• 

  Quirky1

  DFing is BS. Even Jesus ate with sinners and tax collectors.
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  It would do you good to read up on disfellowshipping: http://www.jwfacts.com/index_files/disfellowship.htm

  As far as "What would the GB have to gain by using it as a 'control mechanism?'" how could anyone really not get that?
  The primary reason for disfellowshipping is to "keep the congregation clean." That's code for keeping the unbelieving
  one or the one practicing actions against WT policy from affecting the congregation members- taking them out with him.
  The secondary reason is to cause the person to miss what they had and come back.
  
  You can rephrase that secondary reason to say, it's to control the members- fear of being cut off causes them never to
  leave or to come back.

  Your wife cannot possibly not really get that. I am sure you actually get it, too. I think what she is objecting to is your
  phraseology. "It's a control measure" sounds cultish. "It's to make a sinner repent and come back" sounds much nicer.
  The sin is defined by WTS to include things that are not sins in other religions, there's your control.
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  leavingwt

  Just to be clear, guys, I did not author that. It was taken from the site I linked to. It's one of many great pages over at FreeMinds.org.

  I'm glad you enjoyed it.

  -LWT
• 

  besty

  you mught find some helpful info here including :

  Interesting also is the Watchtower Society description of expelling from a closed community:

  One who was cast out as wicked, cut off entirely, would be considered worthy of death, though the Jews might not have the authority to execute such a one. Nevertheless, the form of cutting off they did employ was a very powerful weapon in the Jewish community. Jesus foretold that his followers would be expelled from the synagogues. (Joh 16:2) Fear of being expelled, or "unchurched," kept some of the Jews, even the rulers, from confessing Jesus. (Joh 9:22, ftn; 12:42) An example of such action by the synagogue was the case of the healed blind man who spoke favorably of Jesus.—Joh 9:34. - Insight on the Scriptures Volume 1,p.787 Expelling

  Without a hint irony or apparent self-awareness the Watchtower Society describes the Pharisaical religious leaders of the time deploying a very powerful weapon against the early followers of Christ. Yet 2000 years later they utilize identical techniques to silence opposers to their self-proclaimed unique version of Christianity.
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  sir82

  It's all about power. DFing is presented as the worst thing that can happen to a JW, worse than death, worse than loss of a loved one, worse than anything you can imagine. A DF'ed person has lost the approval of Jehovah, they have sinned greatly and are not repentant, if Armageddon came tomorrow they would die, if they died tomorrow they would have no hope of a resurrection.

  Now that that is established, you can control the actions of all who believe it. There are currently 7 million active JWs - throw in kids and hangers-on, and you've got virtual power of life and death over 10 million people. You are in the same league as Fidel Castro or Hugo Chavez or Kim Jong Il without the fear of assassination.

  Power is an enormously addictive drug for a certain subset of the population. The vast majority of those who hunger for it have power over maybe one other person or a handful of others, probably his immediate family.

  Imagine if you have that lust for power, and have the opportunity to exercise it over 10 million people. 10 million people who, if you say tomorrow "tobacco is prohibited", will all instantaneously stop smoking. 10 million people who, if you say "blood transfusions are prohibited", would be willing to watch their 6 week old son needlessly die before their eyes - and thank God they were strong enough to endure it - and then thank you for telling them that "God is well-pleased".

  That my friend is power - and it all is based on their ability to sell DFing as a fate worse than death.