JW marriage are they real

by Luo bou to 21 Replies latest jw friends

  • Luo bou to
    Luo bou to

    Usually we marry someone we know and love as a person. My marriage 20 years broke up after I began to question my faith in the WT My wife was so fearfull. So was I: I did not want to believe that I had been deceived but I could not deny what I learnt and continue to live a lie in the so called truth. My personal values and character had not changed. I still loved her and cared for and I was carefull not to threaten and challenge her security her faith in the Org but it was not enough I was demonised a threat not because she witnessed anything that I did that would even remotely suggest that I was now an evil person but because I had left the so called truth.

    So I ask myself was the marriage real Did she marry me or a watchtower clone. Are JW marriages real?

  • cameo-d
    cameo-d

    Is any marriage real?

    The contract aspect is a binding agreement to follow STATE rules outlining property aquisitions.

    Two people (more, if you are a polygamist) can have a relationship as morally binding as any marriage.

    Marriage, per se, is an oath to state and federal regulations regarding contracts.

    So I ask myself was the marriage real Did she marry me or a watchtower clone. Are JW marriages real?

    What you need at 20 may not be compatible with your needs at 40. Sometimes people can love each other dearly, but grow in different directions and are no longer true companionship to each other. The memories of the past may be the only glue holding things together. Some people stagnate rather than grow. Love endures all things. You can love someone forever, but it may not be healthy nor uplifting to be around them on a daily basis.

  • superman
    superman

    Well, I think they are real, it's just a JW marriage has different things that its couple have to deal, many things that most outside or "wordly" marriages don't have too. For starters most JW's get married at an alarmingly young rate mainly to legitimize having sex (it's natural for someone 18 or 19 to have increased interest in sex due to hormones) but most individuels don't have the maturity or life skills to make a marriage or family work at that young of an age. Addtionally all "born-in" JW's are taught from a young age that nothing (including close friends and family) come before the almighty Jehovah, thus making it hard for a couple to have loyalty for one another. Also much outside interference from elders and others can also take a major toll on any strong relationship. And another sad but true fact is that many JW's have low self-esteem, I've been around the ORG my entire life, and left but noticed (as someone from the outside looking in) that a large number of JW's have a low self-worth (from being continually told to do more, or never being able to obtain level of accomplishment or sucess), thus you take two people who have a low self-worth (who may not even respect themselves) and try to get them to encourage and stand behind one another, it is near impossible for sucess.

  • is there help out there
    is there help out there

    When you marry a JW, you do not marry a person, you marry a JW borg drone.

  • mostlydead
    mostlydead

    They're real, but as with any marriage they come with expectations. Suddenly realizing you're married to an unbeliever is not something most witnesses expect to happen to them. And the bigger an issue that is to them, the more that sole factor will affect the stability of the relationship. If their self-identity is defined by being one of JW's then our rejection of the organization must feel like a huge rejection of them personally. Also, they're so programmed to believe that anyone who leaves will become changed for the worse, some probably run in fear of what they think they'll be forced to live with instead of seeing reality right in front of their eyes.

  • Luo bou to
    Luo bou to

    When you marry a JW, you do not marry a person, you marry a JW borg drone.

    Well put. But I would like to add that there are degrees of droneness(is that a word) Suppressed In the background there is I believe the authentic self (who you are without the WT indoctrination) ie: After I was DF'd I continued to enjoy and still do a good relationship with my JW mother now 82 years old. One time when I asked her "Why didn't you disown me" She simply replied "Your my son"

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    My thoughts on this although this may have changed over the years but I doubt it

    During a witness wedding ceremony they make clear that marriage is a 3-way contract: the husband, wife and God but they really mean the WTS. It's that third party they take very seriously but not in the way religions take it. Christians use the third party (God) to help strengthen the marriage bond. It isn't legaliatic. It is a set of values that guide the couple

    For JWs that God/WTS is supreme over the couple. The WTS alone has the right to determine the spiritual legality of the marriage. If for any reason one person is not following WT rules and regulations the WTS/elders have the right to intervene. They have the right to even determine what kind of sex a couple has!

    If a couple has problems the WTS/elders will be called in to deal with them. If one person becomes inactive and the couple separates you can bet the elders will get involved. And if they decide one person is a spiritual threat to the other it is the elders who will make the decision about the marriage.

    So marriage to a witness means a marriage with the elders.

    Personally I think that is disgusting that outsiders have that much control over what goes on in a marriage

  • trebor
    trebor

    Tough question and tough call. As with many things, I believe you need to look on a case by case basis. There are many factors to consider including why a person married another person.

    For example, if you were looking for someone who was "real spiritual" per the Watchtower Society's viewpoint, and that was a high priority or number one quality in a person you were looking for spending you life with, then sure leaving the organization has a high probability of the marriage breaking up; especially if there were no other desirable factors besides the Watchtower Society's definition of spirituality.

    If you were marrying strictly for the sex and physical attraction, then sure, more than likely that marriage will fail whether you're a Jehovah's Witness or not.

    However, even with the above considerations, depending on what both parties bring to the marriage while in it and how hard both are willing to work on the marriage is also a huge factor.

    Ultimately, though in the case of a Jehovah's Witness, if one believes the organization's teachings whole heartedly while another does not or no longer believes the likelihood of breakup, divorce, or a miserable life remaining together is extremely strong.

    I was fortunate enough to know my wife as a person prior to her becoming a Jehovah's Witness, when she was a Jehovah's Witness, and even now after we are both not Jehovah's Witnesses. When I told her I loved her unconditionally, I meant it as did she. For both of us, we were both blessed.

    Sadly and understandably when some Witnesses tell each other they love them unconditionally, they are lying to one another. The condition is as long as you remain a Jehovah's Witness. That is true whether it is a husband and wife relationship, parent and child, sister and brother, etc.

    Again though, there are no set rules.

  • BurnTheShips
    BurnTheShips

    I married as a JW. I have been married 14 years, going on 15. My marriage is as real as any marriage can be. I had to wait for years to finally make my wife understand the truth about JWs, but she finally did, and we are both out.

  • oompa
    oompa

    People change and that is the bottome line......some marriages can accomadate it, some cant.......how long did yours last after the wake up?.....do you think she actually loved you at the time of the divorce? and vice verse?........did it eat at you that she would prob not even question or research a sinlgle point you tried to show her?...........oompa

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