My madly in love friend and what it teaches us about Jehovah's Witnesses

by neverendingjourney 14 Replies latest jw friends

  • neverendingjourney
    neverendingjourney

    I have a friend (non-JW) who's fallen for a girl who's no good. She's very pretty, but has been coddled since she was an infant. The girl is 25 years old and her mother still does all of her laundry, pays for her credit card, and comes over to clean her apartment periodically. Growing up she surrounded herself with friends who would do whatever she said, mostly unattractive girls who wanted to hang out with a "hot chick" and unattractive boys who were just happy she'd even talk to them.

    She teased my friend into thinking that she was really interested in him. He initially didn't want to have anything to do with her because he knew her personality, but he was lonely and eventually gave her an in. He fell for her and after some time, he asked her out. Much to our surprise, she rejected him. We couldn't believe it since she had told him to his face that she had a crush on him. Undeterred, he kept on hanging out with her, spending lots of money on her, and now he's at the point where she completely dominates him.

    He does whatever she wants and spends however much money on her as she wants, and they're not even a couple. She lets him kiss her, but she won't have sex with him. At this point he's a sad, madly-in-love fool, and she's a complete manipulative bitch. A few weeks back we went to a fancy event. He bought her ticket. At this event, she yelled at him in public and told him to back off because he was moving too quick. She didn't want people to think they were a couple. He disappeared and we found him an hour later crying. The next day he pretended nothing had happened. He refused to admit what happened and attributed the whole mess to his mixing alcohol with antibiotics.

    The moral of the story is that, regardless of what we try to do, we can't get through to him. He's madly in love and desperately wants to be with this girl, even though he knows she treats him like crap. When we try to reason with him, he finds dumb ways of rationalizing her behavior. This is how it is with a devoted JW.

    They've fallen in love with the concept of having the truth and living forever in a paradise Earth, the belief that we are now living in the most important period in the history of mankind and we have been fortunate enough to have been given a front row ticket to history in the making. To reason with a JW is like trying to reason with my friend. It's impossible. He won't come to his senses until he becomes disillusioned with her, until his she hurts him one too many times. At that point, it'll be crystal clear to him and he'll feel like an idiot for having made such an ass out of himself. The same's true with JWs. They have to become disillusioned with the Watchtower before they're able to reason. Once they've fallen out of love with Watchtowerism, then, and only then, is it possible to reason with them.

  • LouBelle
    LouBelle

    That is because he lives in hope she will change her mind and find in him the partner she always wanted.

    And yes I suppose you could liken it to the JWs - esp when trying to reason with them. The only thing that will get a JW to question the faith is himself - he has to start questioning and looking for himself, you can't force it.

    The same with your mate - he will have to see it for himself one day, only then will her hold over him break.

  • neverendingjourney
    neverendingjourney

    That is because he lives in hope she will change her mind and find in him the partner she always wanted.

    Yes, unfortunately there's as much chance of that happening as there is of Armageddon coming tomorrow and wiping out everyone but 6 1/2 million JWs. The problem he's facing is that he feels that as long as there's a chance, he's going to stick around and wait it out, no matter how small that chance is. The alternative, in his mind, is loneliness.

    The same is true with a lot of JWs. They figure that as long as there's a chance that what they believe is true, they better stick with it because the alternative isn't much better (in their eyes). They figure they might as well live with a hope for eternal life, regardless how slim that chance that they're actually right is, than resign themselves to the fact that it's all a bunch of made up baloney and they're not going to get to live forever petting tigers and lions. Of course, the problem with this logic is that there's about a same amount of chance that Scientologists, Muslims, Mormons, etc. are right, so why not drop JWism and embrace one of those other faiths instead?

  • observador
    observador

    He sounds and looks like a fool. The key for him to have any chance with her is some serious posturing.

    A man who is unwilling to let a woman go, will never conquer her.

    Observador.

  • SPAZnik
    SPAZnik

    if that guy was my friend i'd be doing everything i could to snap him out of it.

    there's nothing like increased awareness of other options to help a person get over it.

    from the sounds of that wench it wouldn't take much from another girl for him to start feeling like he's being treated well and realizing what he's really been missing.

    it's that or a nanny cam'd convo with the hellion gal. the irrefutable truth may set him free. :o)

    finding a guy to take battleax off his hands would be a good thing.

    or at least get your friend to go on a nice long holiday so that the girl can do without him for a while.

    the funny thing is, the day she decides she finally falls for your friend, he'll probably have already moved on without her even realizing it.

  • yadda yadda 2
    yadda yadda 2

    What has his being a JW got to do with anything? This could be any dumb guy. The attempted comparison of this guy's infatuation with this girl to JW's in general is pretty ridiculous.

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    Maybe your friend should read this

    Yadda, if you don't understand the similarities now, you might after you read this book.

    Cheers

    Chris

  • kurtbethel
    kurtbethel

    He likely does not know the sad truth, because it is counterintuitive. If he reversed the roles, and started dumping on her and treating her like a tool, then it is very likely she would be hot after him. As for "love", I doubt that is what he really feels. It sounds more like raging hormones that have fixated on her. It takes some experience to sort out the difference of really loving someone, or being lustful, and he sounds very inexperienced in that way. The sooner he gets cut loose from his delusion, the quicker he can start healing.

  • neverendingjourney
    neverendingjourney

    What has his being a JW got to do with anything?

    You obviously didn't read my post very well because I specified in the first sentence that my friend is NOT a JW.

    The attempted comparison of this guy's infatuation with this girl to JW's in general is pretty ridiculous.

    I'm sorry you don't see the similarities. Trying to reason with him reminded me of trying to reason with a devout JW. It's almost impossible because neither wants to be reasonable. The thought of facing the facts is too difficult for them to accept, so they close their minds off to logic and reason.

    if that guy was my friend i'd be doing everything i could to snap him out of it.

    I'm trying the best I can. None of his friends have been able to get through to him yet, though.

  • SPAZnik
    SPAZnik

    People don't change unless they're made uncomfortable.

    The last time I had friends that were driving me nuts with how their relationship drama was impacting me, I first stated explicitly what I was observing a few times, then I threatened "divorce" (but only when I meant it, and only once).

    Changes were forthcoming pretty quick.

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