Fade vs. Disassociation - What's your reason? (page 2)

QuestioningEverything

Faded. My mom is in and I wouldn't want to lose her association.

By fading, I hope to have wasted their time and energy on trying to fight about whose job it is to hound and recapture me. And then they are going to have to waste even more time trying to contact me.

Seems that, when you worry about someone else missing the boasting sessions, you can't sleep well. When you can't sleep well, you tend to miss the alarm. When you miss the alarm, you are not on time for field circus at 5:30 in the morning. When you are late for field circus, it disrupts the whole group. When you disrupt the whole group, everyone else is off to a bad start, plus they are less organized. When they are disorganized, less gets done. When less gets done, that cuts down on the chances of my getting my waste of paper. And it feeds back on itself.

shamus100

I faded out of fear at first. Now I just don't care. If they DA'd me, I wouldn't care. Apostate? Okay. Whatever.

Poztate

I am sure that family is the reason that most choose to fade rather than DA. That is the way it is with me. I have a extended family mainly on my wife's side that would follow WT rules and shun me if I DA'ed. I am choosing the path of least resistance.

If in the future "New Light"™ come out that tells them to treat faders the same as DA'ed persons I WILL put my letter in.

passwordprotected

We DAd because we'd starting going to church. We've got two young kids who we knew would at some point, in innocence, tell JW family that they go to church on Sundays etc. (They're now pretty active in our local church's community, they've made new friends there, my son plays football in the church hall on Friday evenings.)

As it turned it, I actually told my dad that we go to church. That set in motion the typical 'loyalty to Jehovah's Organisation' kick whereby he felt his duty was to report this to the elders. My mother called me and asked us to just DA so that he wouldn't have to do that. I refused.

As a result of that, I spoke to my wife's brother-in-law, a local elder, and told him what I'd told my dad, to save my father having to report us to the elders. We then got a call from the PO asking to meet with us, which I agreed to (Gail didn't want to meet with them). Gail wrote a short DA letter, I didn't. I met with two elders, the PO and the secretary, they asked me if it was true that we now go to church, I said it was. They asked me for a letter of DA, I said no, but I gave them Gail's. They asked me if I understood that through my actions I'd DAd. I replied, yes I did.

We parted on good terms, handshakes/man hugs. That was it. Less than 48 hours later the announcement was made. We'd gone from active JW family (elder, wife, 2 kids) in July, to DAd 'born again' Christians in October.

OnTheWayOut

Thanks for opening up your emotional correspondence. We all have to make these
decisions based on our circumstances and our feelings about the matter.

The reason why I haven't disassociated myself is simple - If someone from the congregation wants to continue associating with me, I don't want them to feel like they are disobeying the rules in order to do so.

I like that. Simple enough. I personally don't really want to associate with the JW's
but I don't want them to feel a duty to shun me because of my wife and mother (JW).

The word apostate according to the dictionary means someone who has changed their religious beliefs.

I pretty much understand that an apostate is someone who has "abandoned" their
former religious beliefs. Everyone "changes." Especially JW's- they change every time
a "new light" comes out. I don't even feel that I abandoned my former beliefs. I outgrew
them by continuing to examine my beliefs. Basically, I feel that virtually everyone is
apostate, or hardly anyone. I do know that WTS uses the term wrongly to cause shunning.
That's enough to me.

Now, I'm not boycotting any kingdom halls with picket signs, nor am I sharing my new thoughts with anyone who is a witness, unless specifically asked by them. It is not my desire to change anyone else's feelings about the organization.

I think that's hugely important. While I am trying to help my wife, and my mother to some
extent, to think for themselves, I don't see myself forcing JW's to view things my way.

I wasn't disfellowshipped because of wrongdoing, and I didn't leave because I wanted to pursue any wrongdoing. I left because I accepted my new found findings. I did so with the full understanding of everything that I was going to have to give up. It's the members and/or the organization who put the label apostate on me because I no longer agree with some of the understandings.

Excellent comment.

willyloman

I don't even feel that I abandoned my former beliefs. I outgrew
them by continuing to examine my beliefs.
That's exactly how I feel. I was one of those dubs who actually "studied." I read all the WTS' publications and researched doctrines so I would know exactly what we were teaching. I conducted the WT study for several years prior to my exit and knew the material backwards and forwards on Sunday morning.
I could never understand how so many JWs, including most elders, clearly did not keep up with the mother ship and her "current truth." In time I came to realize that the WTS counts on that; dubs are kept so busy with all the "requirements" that they cannot possibly stay on top of the constant "tweaks" to dub doctrine (the "blood issue" is a prime example).
In effect, I followed the ever-changing dogma out the door. I outgrew the Witnesses. I guess I took the whole "bible-trained conscience" thing seriously; in time my conscience told me I had no choice to but to get out of Dodge.
Like many, I chose to "fade" because I had family in. Over time, all but one followed me out the door. Now I don't care what they think of me or how they "label" me and I do not plan to initiate any contact with them on the subject. They have no power over me.

Finally-Free

I wasted 20 years of my life as a JW and I wasn't prepared to give them a single minute more. I wrote them a letter and told them to get out of my life or suffer the consequences. I risked losing my spouse and mother. Lost the spouse, but the only thing we had in common was the JWs anyway. My relationship with my mother actually improved. She felt more at ease talking to me about some of her thoughts that weren't necessarily "in step" with watchtower teachings.

However you decide to leave, your method should suit your purposes and yours alone.

W

redredrose

I began my fade inadvertently when I became very ill for a long while. There had been a number of problems in our congregation anyway, and now I had the time to identify questions and doubts that had never been answered. Finding the answers to these questions was a 'revelation'! What a sham I had been involved with for all of my life!

Now, several years later, I've maintained my relationships with a very few friends who are still JWs, and I still have family in. But since making the decision last year that this was not the Truth, I can see that the time is coming when my cover will be blown. This year will be the first that I will not attend the Memorial and just last night my friend let me know the date and told me she wanted me to come. I was caught off guard and didn't know what to say, and she asked me why I wasn't saying anything, letting me know she is going to push this. I told her that it felt pretty hypocritical to attend that one meeting after not attending any others, but she didn't buy it.

When it comes up again I still don't know what to say to her, so the end may be near. It might just be a relief.

So I think the reason most people fade instead of DAing is because they want to keep their relationships with friends and family.

BluesBrother

I have never seen the point of voluntary disassociation. If they want rid of me they will have to work at it , through committees and appeals . I would take pleasure in tying up their time..Why make is easy for them to upset my family?

Fade vs. Disassociation - What's your reason?