by wifeofjw 19 Replies latest jw friends
Thanks for the suggest Robert7. My husband will use Wikipediato do research for other things so I will suggest he look up JW stuff.
On The Way Out I do try to keep up on the latest changes that does help me to ask questions. It makes him think.
Like many of you have mentioned he will not leave till he is ready but, I want to be helpful in the process.
Let's hope they all leave soon!
I would try to not mention JW to get him to think. They usually get in defence mode when you try. I don't know how this can be accomplished but it seems to me that the less he feels attacked the more he is to think and eventually leave. Get him drunk on a saturday night, have some wild sex till four in the morning, he might enjoy staying in bed sunday even if he has a hangover.. And eventually develop the habit.
I just leave my wife to her own device. I put no pressure on her, but when I do hear of stuff that "runs before God's chariot", I make sure to let her know. I also know she doesn't agree with the society's view on women, so I try and emphasize this too - that they are dead wrong on it. She is considered inactive and very weak because she hardly ever goes, but she always put the blame on social phobias rather than on it being her choice.
Whatever - as long as she doesn't give me too much crap for choosing my heathen way of life, I'm good with it.
While some cult members find happiness in their group, especially at first, it is just a matter of time before most become disillusioned. This is because, as Steven Hassan says, cults, ultimately, do not deliver on what they promise. Being there to help your loved one out when the time comes will be a gift for him.
Using every opportunity to point out how other cults (not JW) function and letting your JW recognize the same tactics in the organization can help speed the process along.
Best wishes to you on your efforts.
Check out the similarities with the Mormon cult. There are many. Maybe you can both agree on researching the Mormons, and he may see these.
Make a chart and compare one to the other. Add a few others in there too, like Catholic and Methodist, so he won't think you are just picking on the J.W. cult.
Hubert
Some people join the WT becouse they can not cope with reality or the real world.
Don't listen to these folks tell you that people don't leave unless they want to. Some people ARE reasonable and when given the facts, they make the correct decisions. I told my wife about just a few things that didn't seem right, and asked her to look at it with an open mind for herself. She did the internet research herself, and was mentally free in just a couple months. She only needed pointed in the right direction.
At the very least, demand a marriage where you're honest about how his being a witness affects you and your lives together. He's not the husband that you married; where this is a problem, he has to know.
The more you read the more horrified you will become with this org. Read up on cults, Steve Hassan, Robert Lifton, Margaret Singer, etc... do you research on the jw cult. Never use the word cult or you will be villified immediately and he will always be on the offensive if you attempt to discuss anything jw. Do your research and develop a plan BEFORE you attempt anything! Learn what not to do or say.
One posters thread always haunts me (I'm in the same position as you), she lived with his jwism for years and years and finally the kids left, moved away and she was left with what? a jw who now had even more time to spend on all things jw!! She waited and waited and hoped he would leave one day only to become a jw widow. He is always doing more for the org leaving her to find a life on her own in her later years. It is difficult to start over at any age but for those in or near retirement it seems even more difficult.
It is difficult being a ubm (unbelieving mate) especially if you remember life before the jw's. My jw has changed profoundly since becoming a jw and not for the good. They have taken so much from him, us, the kids and he is clueless because there is always a jw answer for everything in life. The worse thing about it all is he was a willing volunteer for this dangerous and deadly cult. I wish you well.
ps- have you protected yourself in case of a medical emergency? will he let you die for lack of blood? get your medical power of attorney done now.
Wifeofjw, I completed a project a few months ago that touches on a few prominent doctrines within the JW religion. Using alot of their own words, it's not too difficult to show someone that this is not "the Truth".
If you would like me to send you a free copy, please PM me and I'd be happy to do so.
