by easyreader1970 52 Replies latest jw friends
sorry your having a hard time. do you have a meeting tonite? if so, your not looking well. nothing like a night off to make you feel better. you can't lead people to where they don't wanna go. or you would be a happy camper. try and talk to your wife, eaiser said than done, but you never know. think of how much better a husband you could be with this weight off of you. you cant change what people think, but you will feel like a new man for sure.
I'm sorry..
Tonight we're supposed to have Family Study Night. We didn't have it last week because my wife said that I hadn't prepared enough. She expects the same management and thoughtfulness that she would have gotten from an actual meeting. She's still not happy that they took the book study away.
Well, I had not thought of these new set of problems the Society created for themselves in stopping the Book Study and saying to have Family Study Night. Another cause for commotion in the family. I would let her conduct the study.
I too, have felt the same way you do. Working your way out seems overwhelming. Baby steps, then it's not so daunting.
I was in a similar position but my wife wasn't quite as brainlocked as yours...our kids were babies really and I was determined to push it so they would not be raised JW's. It was a decision point. My preferred outcome was get her out with me, or if not get out and stay out myself but stay together as a couple, and if that wasn't possible then accept that sometimes life moves on and this is not a dress rehearsal.
So I dropped in the 'Jesus is not our Mediator' question when she was a bit emotional about a difficult CA day to ensure maximum chance of success - that worked for me and she was mentally free within 48 hrs. Result. Thank you jwfacts.com. Let me caveat that by saying she knew I thought it was all BS for many years before - just I hadn't been free to share my apostaknowledge with her until that point. However I had done the dutiful meeting attendance under sufferance although was completely not doing any FS, answering up, volunteering etc
Doctrinal arguments won't cut it for most diehard JWs - too many deeply implanted thoughtstoppers - 'wait on jehovah, don't run ahead, new light, have you been looking on the Internet?'
You might try dropping the bomb and saying you suspect the entire religion might not be what it claims - asking her to bear with you whilst you do some research - choose an emotive topic to hang this conversation on - nobody likes dead babies (blood) or molested children
Your call but its clearly badly damaging your emotional and mental health in the status quo - sounnds long overdue to decide to do soemthing proactive....
She totally hasn't gotten the submissive wife thing yet, has she?
Plan a family study(carefully and thoroughly;)) that makes the points about christian living that you can get behind. Point out the teachings of theWT that are not biblical. One of the other guys here is doing something like that. You are the head of the household, don't be beaten down by the wife-or beat her down. Be honest, be good, be true. And live with the consequences of honesty and truth and goodness. At least you won't be getting anti depressents or taking the trip to the psych ward.
I went thru the same thing with my ex-wife. Even though i was an elder for 21 years and very zealous in the "truth"
she always made me feel guilty for not having huge spiritual goals and not doing more and more.
She was the ultimate "spiritual freak" of the watchtower society. She eventually left me for "spiritual endangerment"
Now she is all alone and not free to remarry.
I feel for you and know what you are going thru, i hate to say it but since you know that the watchtower is a cult
i don't know how long you'll be able to cope with the situation with a wife that worships the GB.
Be patient and maybe in the future you might help her to see that your faith in the watchtower is gone and to accept you
as a good husband and father.
Besty said it best: Your call but its clearly badly damaging your emotional and mental health in the status quo - sounds long overdue to decide to do something proactive....
This is literally damaging your health. I know you don't want to rock the boat, but at what cost? This stress WILL have physical manifestations if you do not stop living this lie that is tearing you apart. Why would you want your children to be raised Witnesses? What are you going to do if they need blood? Do you think they cannot tell how stressed you are? Don't you think they deserve a Dad who is true to himself and his family? You must make a stand so you can live in your own skin and look yourself in the eye in the mirror.
I'm not saying it will be easy. I'm just saying it is a must.
Love and strength to you.
:I love my kids. That's really about the only thing in life that has any value to me. I love my wife too,
Good, because suicide is the ultimate "f**k you" to those you love and those who love you. I came very close to it myself after my divorce, but my love of my children and dwelling on the ultimate consequences to them for my temporary dispair kept me from doing it. I was actually headed for the bridge to make my jump when I pulled over a few blocks away to reconsider. I'm glad I did.
ALL problems get resolved in ways we can only marvel about and they get resolved in ways and at times we least expect.
Trust me on this, and take my advice, please. Don't consider a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Farkel
I felt the same before I spoke to my husband. I was terrified he would run to the elders and I would be ejected and shunned before I was prepared for it.
It seems I unfairly prejudged my husband, because his reaction wasn't totally what I expected. Life has been much better since I've been open with him and we are closer than we have been for a while.
Maybe your assessment isn't accurate?
I'm so sorry to hear of your problems, especially knowing I can't really help you. It's so sad to be in a marriage that's devided by religion, even though you still go, it is still divided in a way.
I came to the conclusion a few months ago that I had to take charge of my life. I was so tired of going to meetings andwondering why I was there.The one difference with me is that my husband had stopped going many years ago and my children are grown and had already made their exit fron JW"S. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that if you are so unhappy with your life the way it is then you are the only one that can change it. You deserve to be HAPPY. If that means rocking the boat for a while, then so be it. The boat will finally get still again and maybe your wife will at least try and see your viewpoint. If she does'nt then it might mean more drastic action on your part. But life is to short to just leave it the way it is.
The one thing that would'nt help you or your children is to try and end your life. Where would your kids be without you?What example would that set?SO my advice is this,, If you don't want to go to meetings, then don't go. Stop pretending for your wife. Be true to your feelings. That's not a selfish way to do it either. If you are happier with your life, then you'll be a better Dad and husband.Don't be a doormat.
Sorry if this sounds harsh. I don't mean for it to. Best wishes. Hope things work out for you.
Don't have time to write much.
I feel your pain.
If I can squeeze in some more later I will.
Take care,
om
