When I started showing signs of weakening faith, no one tried to help. I mean no phone calls, no visits nothing. And I used to be right in the middle of everything in the cong. But I had doubts for so long, I began the fade process by not commenting, no ministry school parts, very little time in service, finally stopped going to night meetings and have'nt been back since last Memorial. And I've had maybe one visit from the elders since then and I was'nt even home. They talked to my husband. So, so much for the love, right?
What steps did you take to stop your association with the congregation?
by RULES & REGULATIONS 44 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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Dismembered
For me who used to hang around till everyone was gone as an MS (drove my wife bonkers). Started to bolt out the door short of slamming it after every meeting. This went on for about a year, then I stepped down, and little by little stopped going altogether. In retrospect no one give a rats ass about anyone but them selves. A cold day in hell it will be for me to ever fathom the thought of walking into one of those dreadful "Kingdom Halls.
PS: WTWizard: "Boasting Sessions" defines them superbly. Those arrogant f....ks!
Dismembered
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Nowman
I was a reported regular pioneer, and on a Monday in Oct 1992, I went out in service all day with my mom (also pioneer). I had been planning to leave 3 months prior. I had a secret boyfriend and we worked together. I worked for the family company too, so my dad the elder worked there too.
The only people that knew about me leaving were my boyfriend and his parents. They agreed to give me a place to stay, they were the nicest people, I will never forget how they helped me. Anyway, that particular Monday, my mom and I had taken separate cars in service. At the end of the day, I said Mom see you at home. I never went home at that point. I went to my boyfriends house. I shed no tears. Nothing, I was as cold as ice, I actually thought it was the best way to be with my situation.
My parents eventually found me. They called everyone. I agreed to meet with them at midnight. They had a family bible study with me, showed me scriptures, preached, they looked sad. I stayed cold. At the end, I said my decision is still the same, I no longer want to be a Jehovahs Witness. If I were to be emotional, I was afraid I would give in to them.
That was it. Did not get DFd right away, my dad had to make sure I committed fornication 1st (which I had not, until 3 months after I left, I was 18 and scared, excited, and young).
Nikki
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Finally-Free
I sent them a letter directing them to stop harassing me, trespassing on my property, or attempting any form of communication.
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Dismembered
Wow Nikki! Kudos to you. That could not have been easy. Congrats for being tough as nails! Few would ever do that.
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Magwitch
Baptized in 1979, pioneered from 1983-1993, married the PO in 1986 - shortly after getting married started having serious doubts. My pioneer, PO husband was such a hypocrite (pornography, drunk almost every night, marijuana). After my second daughter was born in 1993 I stopped pioneering and started my fade. Never, ever answered, stopped the book study. By 1999 I was only attending the Sunday meeting and always sat in the back row. Many times leaving during the Sunday meetings to get a tan or get groceries and then return for the last five minutes. Never went in field service after 1999. I did this until the Memorial of 2006. I sat in the back room with my two daughters and knew I would never set foot in KH again. It was my 20th wedding anniversary (4/12/06). My husband was up on the stage giving the Memorial talk. That night I told my husband to pack his bags and get out. It was a huge scandal because my husband was so well loved at the KH. I filed for divorce and got full custody of my girls (thanks to him being more interested in the people at the hall than his daughters). The elders hounded and hounded. I met a man a year later (2007) and was thrilled to have real sex for the first time. I wrote to the body of elders telling them that my ex had grounds to remarry. They continued to hound me until 2008 (I refused to meet with them). I had not been in a KH in two years and had not been in service for nine years. They disfellowshipped me 4/08. At least that is what I heard from a friend, nobody has officially informed me, but the announcement was read. FINALLY FREE!!!!!!!
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OUTLAW
I simply walked away and never went back..I got one shepperding call and asked them never to bother me again.....No D/F or D/A.........Just Gone!..
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Dagney
Just stopped going after a moment of clarity during a meeting. Never went back. Very glad I did it that way.
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willyloman
I'm a proponent of planning a good exit strategy and then working the plan. My plan was based on three decades in the dub organization and I was able to predict the responses to my actions (and I was mostly right). The plan I drew up looked like this:
1. Resign as elder.
2. Start missing some meetings.
3. Move to another congregation across town.
4. Hardly ever show up there
5. Finally just disappear.
It worked out even better than we planned. It helps that I had my wife's support and that we both left together. While we were trying to work out the timing for all this, she came down with an illness that has the potential to become a chronic ailment. I used that as a excuse to resign as an elder. I outlined the worst case scenario to the PO and he agreed to accept my resignation, with the hope that "in a year or two" I might be able to serve again.
The illness ran its course in a few months and she recovered, but in the meantime we missed a lot of meetings. As she got better, we moved to step 3 of the plan and changed congos. We did this by phone with the secretary when he called to get our FS time; we "estimated" some numbers and told him we were moving and asked him to send a letter to the secretary of the new congo, implying that I had already spoken to him about moving over. He sent the letter.
We kept postponing attendance at the new congo. Finally, the new secretary called, said he had a letter but hadn't seen us at the hall. I asked if the letter mentioned the chronic illness my wife had and told him we would be attending once she got better, whenever that might be. He suggested a "visit to encourage" and I suggested he call in advance and make an appointment to see if she was well enough for company. I also told him not to worry too much about us because the "friends" in the old congo were taking good care of us and that my wife was getting lots of support (which, of course, she was not; we were predictably forgotten after a couple of months of being out of sight/mind). Afterwards, we screened all our calls and never spoke to him again.
In time, as I knew they would, the elders in the new congo lost interest in following up with us. I mean, they had never seen us at their hall and while they knew who we were (I had delivered talks in their KH), most of them didn't know us very well. But they had our cards. That meant the old congo's elders wouldn't bother to pursue us as we were no longer in their congregaton. I knew that would be their reaction. Elders have enough problems and are happy when a technicality makes you someone else's problem.
So, basically, I gamed the system because I had been on the inside and knew how it works.
Each experience is unique and my plan won't work out the same way for everyone.
I'd emphasize that if this seems like a lot of trouble (as opposed to just walking away), it was necessary because of some family ties to the organization. If we didn't have those circumstances, cold turkey would be ideal - as some have pointed out on this thread.
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Alpaca
I had been emotionally and mentally "checked out" for a long time. My Dad (not a Dub) was dying with terminal cancer for about 6 years. When he died, I just snapped. I did everything I possibly could to get disfellowshipped. No surprise...it worked. I was an elder right up to the week before the big DF event. Actually, if felt pretty good to just sever everything in one fells swoop.
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...OUTLAW