How bad IS this religion on a relationship??

by -Tank 37 Replies latest social relationships

• 

  Lady Lee

  Tank

  I know already if it is not this woman, it is no other woman

  The problem is that she does not feel the same.

  Like any addict her first love is her religion. That will always ALWAYS come first. That WILL NOT CHANGE unless she leaves the JWs.

  Like most people in a relationship with a JW you come second.

  If she has children her religion/addiction will come first before the children.

  Those are the terms of any addiction. If you can agree to live in her world and become a JW you will STILL COME SECOND.

  You can't make an addict change. They have to do it themselves.

  In the meantime, you need to make your life the best possible. It sounds to me like you are living with a lot of stress, a lot of giving in to her, and it never being enough.

  And of course the life of any JW is that what you do is never enough. And that is what she is trying to push on you.

  Hard decisions.

  Lee
• 

  sass_my_frass

  Yep talking to her in person is definitely your best option. Say it all how you think it's best said. The most important thing for her to know is that you're not able to believe it yourself and that you're concerned that this will always come between you. There's a lot of other stuff, but be clear on that.
• 

  deemoo

  Hi -Tank...

  I know this discussion is about 4 months old and things have probably moved on. I wanted to share the tale of my current boyfriend...

  He used to date a JW.. They had to hide and go out because she was too afraid about being seen in public with a non-JW. He finally started bible study and was thinking of getting converted. Then one day, she broke down, confessed to her family and just cut him out of her life. She wouldn't answer calls, emails, nothing. She was his one true love. He waited 4 years to even kiss her for the first time...

  Then, him and I met. He had continued studying with the JW, and since I was also interested in various religions, I'm studying too.. (do see my introductory post for details)

  But the fact is, he found love again after thinking he has lost the love of his life. As his second love, I do have to deal with feelings of never being as good as her... but I also know and feel that he's making a conscious effort to give me all and not dwell upon her. Apart from that, he's introduced me to his parents - something he never thought of doing with her. All these things make me feel really special!

  The point I'm trying to get to is - he did find love again. And so will you.

  Pursue her, study with her, make the changes in your life - but only if YOU want to make these changes from within yourself & NOT only because you want to be with her. No matter how things turn out (new as I am, I feel I can guarantee) the people on the forum will be there to support you.

  For especially when life seems at it's worst point and all seems lost, there's nothing else for life to do but to get better :)

  EDIT -

  I've read some more of the posts and just saw the part where you said you would be 'sticking to your guns' - good on you :)
• 

  jgnat

  Oh, Tank. I do hope you come back to visit this thread. I've been away for some time, too. Here is what suggest. Tell the woman that you love this:

  I have thought before that ok, maybe I could stand it, do 1 or MAYBE 2 meetings a week, and just go along with the whole thing. I mean honestly, going somewhere once a week, for an hour or 2 or whatever, and reading the bible, I can handle that ok. What I am afraid of, is I will be pressured and pressured to do more, and more, and become more involved, and that she will not be happy with my status of involvement until I am marching door to door with the rest of them, which is something I would not ever do, just could not.

  They are your words and they are honest and true. If you two are soulmates, you should be able to express these feelings honestly with each other.

  I think the woman of your life is being pressured to make an ultimatum herself. She feels there is no option unless you go along with the program. The two of you are so conflicted. It is very difficult.

  I think if she cannot compromise, you have your answer. I have met men like you who love once and never again. They do move on to productive lives. They just fill it with other things; hobbies, clubs, and so on.
• 

  sinis

  JESUS F@CKING CHRIST - Why do ALL of these posts always indicate a hinging on RELIGION?!?!?!?

  Would you drink the cool-aid with Jim Jones to show that you were a patriot, and a hommy? Why would anyone study with the witnesses??? Trust me, I used to be in for YEARS, held a high position, did the regular pioneer thing, came from a family of dubs that were pretty prominant in my circuit, and they have all but left, including myself, except for one (and my quasi jw wife). WHY, WHY, WHY would anyone get involved in the JW's is beyond me!!! I was raised in the "truth" and had no choice. I broke free!!! I cannot emphasize enough that you are making a GRAVE MISTAKE by getting involved with JW's. Your marriage as others have said will hinge on religion. No holidays, no "wordly" friends, no beards, no smoking, no over drinking, no R rated movies,no career advancement, NOTHING!!!! Most do not realize this. They even govern your "bed" and how sex is to be conducted.

  YOU ARE MAKING A HUGE MISTAKE!!! Godspeed, because lord knows you'll need it...
• 

  lostjdub93

  Its really bad. me and the mother of my child only problem was religion. i was raised Jw and she is from the church called sovereign grace ministries. 'she just stared going back and now she cant be with me and shes going to have my baby. wish i could get her to change her mind.
• 

  sinis

  Its really bad. me and the mother of my child only problem was religion. i was raised Jw and she is from the church called sovereign grace ministries. 'she just stared going back and now she cant be with me and shes going to have my baby. wish i could get her to change her mind.

  You know what worked for my wife, though she feels guilty at times? Plan events around their church time, I mean FUN EVENTS!!! Things THEY LIKE TO DO!!! The key is you need to occupy their time with something else that brings them pleasure - religion offers them solis - change that to something else: day at the beach, shopping, ANYTHING!!! This has worked for me. Do not speak of religion in their presence, it only reminds them of their need to spend time with "God".
• 

  mraimondi

  ive been in this situation, on the flipside before.

  its not fun for EITHER side.