Father dying - request for suggestions how to best use time

rmt1

I am a staunch atheist, so I don't need any advice directed at myself in terms of what I should pray about, what I should believe in, ect.

What I do need advice about is how or to what degree I need to bear in mind the JW mindset and Paradise Earth hope. Now, from my perspective, he has wasted his life waiting for Armageddon, and now he gets to see exactly how much of Jah's Paradise is ever coming to Earth - zilch. But from his perspective, he will be summoning all his mental powers while on his deathbed to strongly visualize what it will be like to wake up in the New System and be received by all his sons and grandchildren while surrounded by God's beautiful nature and grizzly bears acting like teddy bears.

I really want the high road, and I really want to play this out correctly. I hope that my motivations are not to model for my entrapped familial brothers how it is to be an emotionally mature and psychologically successful worldly person. That would be vain. I believe that taking the highroad means not allowing any of my religious politics, or our differences of religion, enter into the equation. This does not mean caving in and allowing him to think that I am somehow penitent. This doesn't mean flinching and somehow allowing that I believe there is anywhere he is going to. This does not mean slipping up and allowing him to believe that there is anything correct about his religion.

What it does mean, I hope, is that I can address him as the evolved, homo sapien male that grew up in the post-war years, married into a peculiar religion, fathered some offspring during disco and Reagan, and always busted his blue collar ass. It is the biological father that I want to address, for nothing of value to anyone would result from me addressing the religious, politically-JW male that sired me.

SO. Whoever can shed some experience or reasonable insights - can you separate your recommendations and focus on what the biological father needs to hear - what he did right as a parent, what he must be thanked for, where the chip-off-old-block aspect has succeeded, etc.

I have no interest in sympathy so please keep it. I am solely interested in how to approach this from the perspective of how to make his homo sapien journey as valuable to him as I am able to give. I have no gifts to bring ba rumpa bumpup; all I have is this atheistic drum. But can I say something that is utterly evacuated of JW spin that would have closing, final value? I hope for responses that are serious as cancer.

My thanks in advance.

purplesofa

How about giving him some hugs.

BabaYaga

Your quote, "...what he did right as a parent, what he must be thanked for, where the chip-off-old-block aspect has succeeded, etc."

And there is your answer. They just need to know that they did a good job, and that the ones they love are doing good, and that you will be okay.

In essence, let him know how much you love and appreciate him, and give him permission to leave.

Love and strength to you and him and the rest of your family.

watson

Concentrate on what he has given you. His example. Remind him that he helped raise balanced and productive citizen Thank him for his contributions. Tell him that you love him.

If he tries to preach to you, listent intently. He will be worried about your everlasting life. So assure him that you will always be open to learning new things. That over your remaining years, you will continue to seek knowledge, and develope "spiritually."

Do not say things that will weaken his faith, add stress, etc.

Homerovah the Almighty

I would address the situation as humanly as possible and be there in a supporting way for him and your family and your self for that matter.

Assert yourself with compassionate respect for whom was trying to look out for you in his own way, that is the utmost importance.

Now is the time to put your non-religious beliefs under the table and show some humanitarian compassion for your father if you consider yourself a good person..

BurnTheShips

I am sorry about your father. I don't think I'd care too much about religion or ideology. If it was my father, I think I'd do what was needed to ease his passing rather than trying to portay as something or other regardless of what the "truth" is. I don't know what your relationship with your father is, (and he sounds like a good decent man as you describe him) but after he is gone, ideology/religion will mean little, but his memory will be all you have left. I hope your final times with your father are something meaningful and good that will stay with you always and comfort you.

BTS

UnConfused

Love, Love, Love. Just show him every bit you can and smile and hugs.

restrangled

rmt1.....I get it.

I took care of my father until he died at my mom's home. He had been an elder for many years and dropped out about 15 years earlier. My mother, his wife is and was a full blown JW.

I left when I was 18,....I was 40 at the time. Nearing death, mom had him talked back into needing god etc. I was disgusted.

The day he died, while assisted by a Hospice worker, I Played his favortie music on the Piano.....Chopin's Fantasy Impromtu as best as I could and some Enya many times. The Hospice worker told me that even though he no longer responds, he can still hear, "hearing is the last to go" She said she saw him relax as I played. It was the most I could do for my father and ironcially myself to keep my sanity.

The Hospice worker came and got me and my mom. I held his hand and told him everything was OK and it was OK to let go. I felt a small squeeze to my hand and he left us. I know he died in peace.

Suggestions? I have none, you will know what is best for you and your Father when the time comes.

Take care and my deepest sympathies for what you are about to go through.

Love, r.

sass_my_frass

My parents are still in their healthy autumn years but the only way we've been able to maintain a relationship is when I insisted that there are huge conversations that can't happen; both of us want to talk about some big stuff, but neither of us are allowed to. It wastes what very little time we have together. We have to focus on just enjoying each other's company.

I suggest that you find a way to come to a similar agreement with your dad - agree to leave each other alone and focus on your common ground. Find activities and conversations that you're both happy with, and just do them.

avishai

My DF'd paramedic uncle took care of my father while he died. My dad pretty much ignored him, even as he took care of him. My Uncles quiet grace and loving example in the face of what must have been hell for him, later really helped me on my way out. I was only 13 at the time, but I remember the JW family being total weirdo's, and my df'd uncle and aunt were great. So, if you have nieces and nephews, remember that. Sounds like you are already on the right path though.

Father dying - request for suggestions how to best use time

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