Dating After Leaving?

by Garrett 11 Replies latest social relationships

  • Garrett

    Hey guys,

    This is going to be a topic of a different nature. So, while I am not looking to date at the current moment since I'm still trying to figure out who I am and what I want life, I do want to start dating in the near future.

    My issue is that I've been in for almost all my life and it's left a big hole when it comes to my romantic life.

    I was wondering, after leaving, did any of you date? If so, where did you go to meet people? Did you ever mention your experience as a JW? How did it feel to be able to date freely? What about online dating?

    At times I feel I'll never find the right person -.-


    Thanks for your time,


  • Fernando

    As you are saying, once you have established a new identity, dating will be much easier.

    In the meantime just friends?

    For me personally spiritual identity is the most important, and other differences less so.

  • flipper

    Hey Garrett- Good for you man, get out there and date ! Grease your wheels buddy ! After my divorce in 2003 from my then wife and I left the JW cult in the same year - I was single for several years until I finally met Mrs. Flipper in 2006. So I dated a variety of ladies, a couple relationships lasted awhile, one lasted about a year and a half and another one about 4 months. Sometimes it takes awhile to find THE person who you will end up settling down with that really matches well with you - but it takes putting yourself out there and experiencing meeting new people.

    I met some of these ladies at antique stores, nightclubs ( which isn't the best place to meet someone who will last ) and through online dating at E-Harmony .com which I'll tell you more about in a bit. I did mention my experiences as a JW and told them I had moved on, it was a part of my past and viewed it as a learning experience. It felt really freeing to be able to date who I wanted to date without the WT organization telling me to only date a JW . Felt VERY freeing. It certainly opens up your possibilities for sure ! I met a lot of nice ladies, and by gaining that dating experience you gradually learn more about yourself and WHAT or WHO you will feel comfortable with- and WHAT or WHO you would not find comfort with.

    Now - In regards to it worked really well for Mrs. Flipper and myself. They give you an E-mail account initially so you can E-mail each other in a safe way at first over their E-mail system and you don't even have to divulge your personal E-mail at first until you become comfortable getting to know a person. If you end up NOT feeling comfortable with a prospective love interest - you can hit the delete button and that person just gets removed from your E-harmony list of people you are checking out. No harm, no foul. Pretty cool.

    When E-harmony matches you up they match you up with someone who has similar interests, values, and they go based on what each of you have answered in the pre-registration multiple choice questions or surveys. So you know right off the get go that you are probably getting to know someone who has similar values as you. Which is better in my opinion than dating someone for a year or two and they mask who they are then you find out you've wasted two years with someone who hid their real likes and dislikes or real personality from you. Been there, done that - it ain't a fun experience . Waste of time.

    So I highly recommend Online dating, especially E-Harmony as they really try to set you up with people who are similar in interests and values to yourself. Hey Mrs. Flipper and I have been together over 9 years now- so we must have done something right ! LOL ! I wish you the best of luck in your dating experiences, don't rush to any quick decisions with any one person, take your time, enjoy yourself - enjoy the experience. You'll learn a lot not only about yourself- but other people. Take care, feel free to PM me if you want to chat some more ! Peace out, mr. Flipper

  • cappytan

    Online dating is great, but make sure you date someone relatively local. Long distance dating is rough, frustrating and not easy to make work, in my experience.

  • marmot
    I met my fiancee on eharmony and she turned out to be an ex-jw to boot! I know we're not a typical couple but we must have been matched perfectly because we've had all of ONE argument in the last six years.
  • GrreatTeacher

    I met my husband at work. I was the only girl on a huge construction site, so I had my pick. My now husband was a little too goofy and crazy and I resisted his DAILY question, "When are you going to go out with me?" for 6 months. I finally went out with him to shut him up and I found that he was a little different away from the bravado of the construction site. He was really a nice guy!

    I didn't really bring up the JW stuff til later down the line. I probably mentioned it before meeting my family for the first time. He actually stopped by my family house to visit and my mother was cutting something in the kitchen and shook a knife at him saying "Why is he here?" I can't believe he stuck around after that!

    We dated and were married within 2 years. It was family pressure on both sides to hurry up and get married. JW parents and Catholic parents in 1992 thought we should be married before we lived together. If I had to do it over again, probably would've waited a little longer to get married. We were both very young.

    But, Thursday we'll have been married for 22 years! And still in love. I get excited when he comes in the door at the end of the workday. We're very happy and I definitely feel like I made a great decision.

    Trust your gut feelings about people. And give shy people a chance. Be patient and wait for the one who feels right. With time, you'll find the right person for you.

  • Garrett

    @flipper wow your experience gives me hope! Thanks so much for sharing and also for your recommendation!

    @grreatteacher I hope one day I'll be able to be as happy in a relationship as you are :) thanks for the tips, I'll definitely keep them in mind.

    well, looks like I'm going to do some research on eharmony since that looks to be my best bet :p

    thank you all for your comments and suggestions!

  • Louise

    Dating.......well being in the JW org for most of my life and being around JW boys who thought they were gods gift to us "sisters" - because there is a serious lack of males in the borg - I never dated in the org - gaaagh! None of them attracted me anyway - mommies'boys.

    Afterward - well I did feel a bit at a disadvantage, because I didn't have the normal experiences as others.

    I did try online - met a couple of guys - most wanted sex only. Tried dating a couple - but I don't know - found them to be boring, lacking in conversation and well nothing really came about.

    I'm open to dating someone, but hell where do find people to date? At work - no one really here because everyone my age (38) is married with 2 kids, a fence, a house, 2 cars and 5 dogs. Clubs? Yeah I still pop around to a club now and again to dance - I"m not that hot to pull one of those chaps (not that I don't have confidence, but at those places it is mostly superficial - besides they younger) Church? I don't go to church.

    So that leaves me with the one and only male in my life - Wilson. My gorgeous Daxie. There's no room on the bed for another male.

  • KateWild

    Well Garret I think your idea to date online might be fun for you.

    I have been dating online for a while and enjoying it loads not met Mr Right yet but having fun looking.

    I haven't tried eHarmony I might sign up lol

    Kate xx

  • OnTheWayOut

    Dating. Man oh man. Ex-JW's are all over the map.

    I don't know how e-harmony matched such a wonderful person as Mrs. Flipper with Mr. Flipper but maybe it would do the same for you. (Just kidding and jabbing at one of my best friends.)

    I am not dating because I remain married to my JW wife. But I have seen ex-JW's find other ex-JW's and I have seen them strike out in other areas. In most cases, it seems that people move on to the area of life they are most comfortable with. Some are most comfortable going back out into the world and making friends via other ex-JW's via groups of ex-JW or other places where ex-JW's meet together. Most seem to find a mate through their other ways of trying to be "normal" again- joining classes or groups that share an interest. Most seem to share their JW experience after a couple of dates because it is important to them and they don't want to waste their time with someone who won't see it as "important" to them.

    Again, Mrs. Flipper is a great example. She reached out to the jw . com community on this forum and tried to learn about us. She loves learning and sharing with us about our ex-JW experience even though she was not involved at the time. She does that in order to share her husband's life more fully. While you won't (maybe) find someone like that, if you are asking if you should share the experience, it probably means you need to share it. Good luck.

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