Why do people "come back"?

by kairos 27 Replies latest jw friends

  • stuckinarut2

    Because (as Flipper said above) they are easily manipulated by a controlling cult.

    The FEAR, OBLIGATION and GUILT tactics were still within them ready to be exploited!

  • Phizzy

    The only reason anyone would return for more pain and punishment is if they have not really researched TTATT for themselves, and an awful lot who leave JW's are like that..

    My own Bro in Law is like that, he still hangs on to most of the teachings, the only thing that has stopped him from returning, and will forever I hope, is the Paedophile issue.

    I know of a number of JW's who no longer attend, ever, some are DF'd and most are successful faders, but they simply have not done the small amount of work necessary to get rid of any niggling feeling that the JW religion is worth anything.

    They were brought up to be lazy thinkers, and to do no research, and to have a fear of "opposing" views.

    They really are to be pitied, like the prisoner sitting in the Jail that has an open door, with a group of people not far away who will establish his/her free pardon, they choose to sit in the prison, until the door is slammed shut again.

  • Ucantnome

    I know of several examples of ones that "left the truth" for up to 20 years, only to suffer through the reinstatement process and feel like they are finally back on track.

    How does this happen?

    The reasons people go back are varied I believe and no one can really know why a person returns but the person themselves. I returned at one point after having left for some time and may do again in the future for different reasons than I did the first time.

  • flipper

    UCANTNOME- You stated " I returned at one point after having left for some time and may do it again in the future for different reasons than I did the first time. " Were you confused about WHY you left in the first place ? If the JW organization is causing so much confusion in you that you go back in, then leave- then go back in- why not just stay OUT of the organization ? Shouldn't that in itself be sending you a message ? Just wondering about your reasons .

    Personally I don't think I could return and be a " glutton for punishment " as the JW's I know would make me feel guilty for having been out for so long- Oh sure, I'd be love bombed once I got back in , but after that all the DEMANDS of being a JW and the guilt and fear would be re-indoctrinated into my mind. I couldn't put myself through that. I guess I cannot understand the reasons anybody would put themselves through that

  • OnTheWayOut

    Well, besides UCANTNOME and a handful of people who "go back" for the sake of loved ones, people do not typically go back when they figure out that it's a cult or that it is not "the truth."

    My sister-in-law got pregnant and disfellowshipped. She was out, had nothing to do with JW's. Her son, from that pregnancy, nearly graduated high school, then she went back. She went through the grueling reinstatement process, apparently so that her son would embrace "the truth." So in more than 16 years, she never looked at the facts of Jehovah's Witnesses.

    We need to educate ourselves and, when possible, our loved ones.

  • gone for good
    gone for good

    I think that scenario from past times will become less and less common.

    Many examples are from pre-internet times when the ostracism actually excluded people - now to be freed from the life wasting cults persuits is more likely to lead to a person expanding both their knowledge base and social contacts and skills.

    Truth be told, most peoples lives improve in many ways not really likely while still indide the borg.

  • undercover

    People who leave, become 'inactive', but at some point come back, really never left. Sure, they didn't go to meetings, or go out in service, or attend the conventions, but the prior mind control was still there in some small way. Enough so that when things in life took a turn that caused them to question either themselves or the world they live in, they came back.

    A friend of mine, DFd, has been away for decades. Lived his life away from any JW contact, not attended any meetings for years and years. He has not lived an exemplary lifestyle in this time, but he does attempt to avoid holidays, politics, and supports the blood transfusion ban.

    At one point, I thought he might be finally freeing his mind of the JW mess, but he told that he thinks the JWs are right. He's just not strong enough, worthy enough to join back. So this guy is living his entire life with a guilt complex that he's not good enough for a religious cult.

    He may never go back and be an active member, but the WTS controls him every bit as much as they control the active JWs.

    If that's not a cult, I don't know what is

  • flipper
    UNDERCOVER- Yeah, I am in total agreement with you. That friend you mentioned ? I can think of at least 5 to 10 people , ex-JW's who are exactly like the guy you talked about. Some will say " well, I know it's the truth, but I just can't do it right now. " My ex-father in law was like that. Got DFed 3 times and still went back ! Formerly a druggie with Hepatitis C as weird as the actor Dennis Hopper - now he's a smug, reformed self righteous active JW who looks down on people like me and my son who just stopped attending. As Jim Morrison of the Doors said, " People are Strange "
  • Xanthippe

    I just don't understand people still believing it after years away. When we stopped going to meetings or reading the rags the mind control loosened and the nonsense started to fade rapidly from my mind because we were avoiding the almost daily indoctrination.

    Perhaps it's one benefit of sending in a DA letter. We were safe from any interference by elders, friends or family, no-one to 'encourage' us to go back. We had already been reading and that just carried on, science, history, philosophy. People need to read when they leave and also meet people outside of the religion.

    We didn't have any choice, we had to get jobs to get out of the pioneer poverty trap. We certainly met a lot of new non-JW people. I did an IT course at a college to help me get a job and we had to give a three minute presentation to finish the course, a confidence builder for job hunting. I did a talk on JWs. I had them laughing their heads off, a good experience. People need to move on with their lives to prevent them going back.

  • kairos

    Thanks for the responses.

    Another type of person I see is the one that has been in for 20 or more years that still do the bare minimum. Never reach out, skip most talks, barely report time or they go inactive for months at a time.

    They attend all the meetings and assemblies, will "stand up for Jee-ho-vah" every time but they are sloths. Everyone knows, especially them. How do you be that person?

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