by LB 25 Replies latest jw friends
I asked my husband about this (he was an elder for 25 years). He said if they ever come to call on us, wanting us to take the da step, he would ask them if they consider us to be members of the congregation. If they say "no", he would ask why he needs to agree to the disassociation thing. If they say "yes", he would ask why they haven't tried to encourage us. So obvious, it's funny.
Marilyn (a.k.a. Mulan)
Mulan said: start celebrating the holidays. They don't df them for that.
Actually that's wrong Mulan. We were disfed in 1981 after drifting away two years already. They approached us with accusations of wrong doing. One of their claims was that we had allowed our 3yo daughter to attend a birthday party. The other claims were that we believed in evolution, and I honestly forget the third claim. Just a bunch of stuff my own brother remembered me saying, I think.
I certainly belong to the drift away camp, as there is no difference between d'fed and d'ad. Same same as the Chinese say!!! I personally wouldn't give them the satisfaction of making it easy to be rid of you. If I had my time over again I'd do the same, but be more careful not to say anything they can use to disfed me. Either that or go out with style e.g. make up the biggest bunch of lies that would keep the elders sitting down long after I'd left the committee meeting!!!!
Marilyn
Be careful on this onewether you DA or areDF'd you still have to go through the same process to come back and of course it can be as long as they want to make it. I remember hearing many say that DAing was worse because it was a conscious act of regection while DFing could be due to a weakness of the flesh that was not overcome. Also if you DA many times ones will beleive that you were simply preempting DFing and still consider you immoral. The whole thing is so unfair, I left 3 years ago and have been pretty much left alone (xmas tree and all). I beleive this is because I do not have any family in the borg so they have little to hold over my head, it is insane. Good Luck let us know what happens.
Hungry4life said:
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while DFing could be due to a weakness of the flesh that was not overcome.
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Careful with that one, Hungry, no-one is DF'ed due to weaknesses, one is DF'ed because of intent, because of wishing to be DF'ed.
Disfellowshipping, according to the KS book, happens ONLY when the wrongdoer is unrepentant. Of course, it's a group of men who determine repentance.
Just remember that once you're da'd or df'd you're pretty much forgotten, written off as a loss and very few, if anyone at all ever gives you a second thought. If you stay, however, they have to deal with you or at least acknowledge your existence, esp. if you go to meetings every now and then.
You have to understand the mindset to appreciate how witnesses absolutely believe that there is no happiness outside the organization. Now I'm inactive and since I know a great number of witnesses I often run into on in town. They will invariably ask how I'm doing, fully expecting to hear me lament my pitiful state. I give them a great big smile and tell them I'm great and things are just wonderful. It's amusing to see the reactions.
Well you've all given me a lot of food for thought. To be honest all our old friends are long gone. The family we took to Maui hasn't returned our phone calls for a long time now. We have "drifted" a longs way away and I'm very tempted to continue to do just that. The ONLY reason I would DA myself is because I thought it might be easier to get re-instated if I need to be. BUT if it isn't any easier, then why bother. And again the only reason to get re-instated would be in order to make things easier for my kids. I have ZERO faith in this organization.
Sounds like many of you have gone through what we are going through now. I think I am inclined to just continue to drift, no use in calling an elder. By the way, after 3 years my old best friend actually stopped by last weekend with a watchtower and awake. I actually forced myself to read some of it. He will call back he tells me and at that time most likely I'll tell him I just found it a difficult read and uninteresting.
Thanks so much for your help.
