by lostsheep82 27 Replies latest jw experiences
Before you do anything, please read Steven Hassan's Combatting Cult Mind Control
Please do read this it is an excellent book...I did a thread on this if you would like to check it out...lol
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/7/162719/1.ashx
Do you really have to say anything, if it will cause you this much distress, fading is an alternative.
hope4others
From what you've written so far, I think if you don't want to lose your Mom, it's best that you just leave things as is for now, start a fade, and plant small seeds now and then.
In the meantime, find out what your Mom doesn't like about the Watchtower, and gather information on those subjects until a later date.
Good luck.
Hubert
Fading isn't an option for me, as I've been 'out' for approx 5 years, however still beleived it was the truth and she always hoped I would 'come back'. If you read some of my posts, you will know my story a bit.... http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/9/160504/1.ashx . 2nd page I posted.
I left the 'truth' for many reasons, but not due to thinking it was all bullshit. Now I do, and I think there is no right religion cause its all man made, and filled with man made interpretations and rules. I need to explain to my mom that I'm not returning NOT because I'm gay, NOT because I want to be rebelious and turn away from God, but because I don't beleive in so many things they teach, and I cannot preach or go door to door with a right conscience. Going in service is something you HAVE to do as a witness, and I wont/cant do that anymore.....
I almost wished I was still in good standing when finding these things out and I'd have more of an option, but my mom feels that because I don't have Jehovah's "spirit" on me, cause I'm not going to meetings, that Satan and the demons have taken over my heart, and I've turned away from Jehovah. Her words to me hurt very much as I'm discusting, and I've pierced her heart. To hear things like that from your mother who is suppose to love you unconditionally hurts real bad. I told her that I would have NEVER stopped talking to, or seeing her if she ever got DF'd, because I don't think and never have thought that it would help people return. It makes people return simply because they are cast out, and abandoned. Loving councel and constant encouragment, would help people, but NEVER talking or looking at a person...yeah that's loving. They base things one ONE scripture that says not to eat with such a man, well I wont eat with you, but can I still be your daughter????
The sad thing is, I understand where she is coming from and why she thinks and feels the way she does, cause I use to feel the SAME way up untill May/08. My world turned upside down when I decided to Dig deeper, and found JWD. I use to be so afraid of 'apotates', and now I'm labeled as one.
I feel I guess that a mini letter/book is the only way I can express things, and show quotes and proof to my reasonings. Her husband is of the 'anointed' and talking to him on the phone just confuses me mroe cause they don't listen to ME, jsut expect me to listen to them....I dont want to be preached to anymore. I know what the bible says and I feel every religion, every interpretation of the bible is just that. An interpretation of the original writings, cause each translator I feel adds tid bits here and there where they feel should.....
I'm still so lost and confused with this whole thing, but one thing is for sure, I cannot be a witness. I cannot go door to door. I cannot pretend to beleive something I dont. I think the JW's generally try, however, simply follow men in NY. Men they know nothing about, men they trust to rule their lives, and I don't feel that is right....I use to.
No matter what proof I show her, she will just shun me, and that will be the end of our relationship which breaks my friggen heart. Is there anyone who was able to make things good with family even after they were out of the religion? I'm not DF'd.....DA'd, I simply walked out of a meeting and went to 2 memorials after that. I'm innactive and want to stay that way.
Gosh I miss my mommy. I pray for understanding on her part, but I'm so scared....
Its a rough situation dude...
I've been DF'ed 18 months..and I don't think I've ever heard anything out of my mom except "Ohh I don't want to hear that." Or "We have nothing to talk about then." I can't for the life of me explain myself to her. Its hard, and now it appears that they truly are going to shun me for good. They visited from Alberta last weekend (I Live in Ontario..they moved), and not one phonecall or visit..nothing.
LOST SHEEP- I agree with Jamie Bowers and Hope 4 Others to read the book , " Combatting Cult Mind Control". It will help you to understand why you can't get your message across to your JW mom and her husband. They are " cult mind controlled " just like robots. It will ease your frustration reading this book and will help you understand your mom and husband better. Also Hubert's advice is good- don't lay too much info on your mom , specially if she is a hardcore witness as you stated - it will be like talking to a brick wall and just frustrate you more. Just drop off little tidbits of info here and there. Otherwise the relationship you have had with her since you stopped going might be jeopardized. Just be careful. Good luck, Peace out, Mr. Flipper
I also recommend you keep things as they are and don't send a book. She is not going to read it, nor believe it. She will simply classify you as evil, and apostate, and no longer worthy of her love. I confronted my mother with enough information for her to know it is a cult - the reaction is simply that I am a horrible person that she should have nothing to do with.
It is often pride that makes us want to prove to others that we are right. But for the sake of keeping a relationship it is worth swallowing that pride. It does not matter if she thinks you may go back one day; that way she can live with some hope in her heart and you will not totally loose your parents.
Don't send a book.
Let her bring up a subject.
Use the subject to turn the conversation to the WT claim to be Selected by God.
Many other religions make this claim too. Point that out. Just making the claim, doesn't make it true.
When were they selected? How do they work this out?
As soon as they use the 607 date, point out that if they add up the lengths of the reigns of the kings from 539 to Neb that they do not add up to support 607. If they reply that the reigns must be in error, point out that the WT has published the lengths of the reigns and ask them to supply you with a correct king list please.
The information they require can be quickly searched on any WTCD if they have one.
If they haven't, you could have the references in your notebook to help them find the articles on their bookshelf or in the KH library.
The usual response is to try to change the subject or attack your character, or the character of the person who brought this subject to your attention. Don't fall for it.
Remember that you are asking for their help to find an answer to this stumbling block.
Think of all of the standard answers that you would have given and have prepared replies for them.
e.g. "You are just looking for faults". Answer, "You spent 40 years pointing out the faults of the Catholic Church to me.", and then get straight back onto the subject of them proving that the WT was 'selected'.
Good luck,
Chris
Thank you all for your suggestions. I will read that book, but im not even done COC yet. Still gathering evidence and figuring things out myself....but I will read it.
This has got to be the hardest and scariest thing in my life. I just want to explode and tell her everything but maybe that isnt a good idea....
anyways, you all have been helpful. thank you. your comments show that there are people out there who know what i am going through and care...feels nice.
thanks and blessings to you all:)
Thank you all for your suggestions. I will read that book, but im not even done COC yet. Still gathering evidence and figuring things out myself....but I will read it.
This has got to be the hardest and scariest thing in my life. I just want to explode and tell her everything but maybe that isnt a good idea....
anyways, you all have been helpful. thank you. your comments show that there are people out there who know what i am going through and care...feels nice.
thanks and blessings to you all:)
Lostsheep,
There was a show on MSN about the FLDS a couple nights ago. If you can find it and tape it, maybe you can get your Mom to look at it, considering it isn't about j.w.'s.
BUT...The similarities are so strong, she may see it herself, and make her start thinking.
Hubert
