by amama2six 25 Replies latest jw friends
I joined this forum two weeks ago, and it's flooding me with old memories, things I'd forgotten or buried, and things which I never knew but now that I look back they are things which make a whole lot of sense. I think it's a good thing. I half want to sign up as a missionary to go convert my family to anything else, anything at all, but I don't think it's really a good idea--I'm already enough of a black sheep.
Anyway, know that you are not alone at all.
I got passed the anger stage this year. It took about 3 years. Part of the anger was fueled by what I read here and on Silent Lambs. After I bought Barbara Anderson's CD I really got upset but seeing so much fact in front of me got me over the hump. Occasionally, something gets to me but it passes fairly quickly.
It gets better, what you are experiencing is perfectly normal. The fact that you are acknowledging it is part of the process...
Yup, it's normal. Each wt doctrine and wt emotion that you internalized needs to surface and be dealt w. As you do those things, you will find that your anger, self hate (if you have that), self destructiveness (if you have that) will be reduced. So, yes, it does get better. But, there is some pain to go through. There might be some stuff related to your parents, as well.
S
It's normal...I've been out thirty years plus. Joined JWD about two years ago. Re-connected with an old friend through this forum. At this time it's not so much anger, or bitterness. What I hope is to help other's in any way I can. Either to leave the cult, or not become a part of it.
Thing that PO's me most is what the boe has become, wt gestopo...
You're not alone
I was out 28 years
Thought it way in the past
Came here
Almost threw up
Found out I hadn't ever delt with
the CULT part
which led to denial of the
SPIRITUAL part
I'm reconciling all of now
Read "Crisis of Conscience" for a start
Read all the other recommended books as well
Yes, you are normal. I've been out for 20 years and am still coming to grips with my jw experience. Sending you a pm.
Thank you so much, everyone! I'm feeling better today, though something tells me it's going to be a roller coaster ride for a little while. It's good to know I have somewhere to rant when I need to, as well as to keep gaining information on the "real truth".
Something I thought of today...another reason after being DFed that I did not seek out any information or others like me for so long is because in the back of my mind I was still afraid of being an actual "apostate". For some reason I thought...if I don't read apostate information, talk to apostates who openly attack the religion, or openly attack the religion myself then I am not an apostate. I'm just someone who sinned and left. I was STILL afraid in the back of my mind and figured if I was wrong to leave I didn't want to go "completely" bad and sin against the holy spirit.
Instead all I did was keep myself in the dark and prevent the opportunity to begin healing from the whole experience. Now, I feel stupid. :(
Don't feel stupid. The entire belief system is based on FEAR!!!!
I am still not out of the closet yet... and I am still afraid for my sister to discover that I am actually an apostate. I remember all too well what feelings and thoughts that word conjures.
To be inactive (faded) is one thing... to have committed the UNFORGIVABLE SIN is another. Isn't it amazing how that is the unforgivable sin? Not murder, not child abuse...
I stumbled on this place surfing the net.
It stirred up a lot of old thoughts and thinking.
I thought I was pretty much over the Tower. I have been out 23 years. But this place can open old wounds.
But there is a high turnover here. You have to step over the bodies.
People come and go. And its just like T.V. or radio. You can change the channel and even turn it off.
After saying all of that. This place can be very addictive.
