Saw my dad last night...

by tall penguin 20 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Gopher

  The way JW's are trained to have mindless obedience to the men who run the organization, they can only accept you as a friend or even as a fmily member ON THEIR TERMS.

  I know from personal experience that this is painful, until we (the one supposedly undeserving of love or friendship) accept that these people will never un-learn their narrow ways. I've come to this point with my own parents. Some of my friends have lost their parents to an early death, and I have lost mine to an organization. For all practical purposes I'm an orphan now, and I have grown numb to the hurt.
• 

  mouthy

  I am so sorry for your situation but all I can add is I was like your Mother

  Thought I WAS giving them LIFE when I pressed them into it.I loved them all dearly, She believes she is telling the truth,( of course that is the cults control)
  
  I too would suggest you continue to show her love...Wipe those tears & KNOW she does love you but the only love the WatchTower teaches is CONDITIONAL love ,so she cant help it. Show her the REAL STUFF>>>>>>UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!!!!!(((((HUG))))
• 

  tall penguin

  Thanks everyone. I'm doing better with all of this now. I no longer live for my mother's approval. The grief is in the relationship with me that she's missing out on, the authenticity that we could be sharing. That is my greatest grief. But it is what it is and I accept it.
  
  tall penguin
• 

  Blasty

  You know what Tall_Penguin, I read your account, and It makes me wonder where I'll be as a parent when my kids are out on their own.

  I think I was about 8 when I realized my parents aren't very good parents at all. Which isn't something a kid at 8 should end up concluding, but I'm 30 now, and I realize, they really sucked. My grandparents raised me mostly, and they did good, and surely earned more of my love then my parents.

  But the hard part is, as a child to parent relationship, I never realized a strong unconditonal love for any of them. I love my grandparents dearly, but not even in the ballpark of my Parent to child relationship I have for my children. So I guess I wonder if I'll be able to control myself when I'm older, and not intervene in their lives. My children are 5 and 3 now....so I have plenty of time heh, but it still makes me wonder.

  How hard will it be to let go, and let them lead their own lives? Hopefully I at least won't be subversive or manipulative.
• 

  deaconbluez

  Women (moms) in their 40's and 50's seem to be the most delusional of all Jehovah's Witnesses. Their mind just can't grasp...
• 

  Nowman

  Mothers...I am currently frustrated with my mother, and really do not know what to do. In summary, I lost contact with my mom from 92-2000, we reunited when she eventually was DF'd. Anyway, for 8 years we have tried to have a relationship. Its not normal, nor did I expect it to be with so much time lost at a critical growing point in my life.

  So, it has been up and down with her for 8 years, she just came in on the 4th of July. The last day came around, we were outside together along with my aunt, my husband and 1 year old daughter were in the house.

  My mom and I give each other hugs, I am thinking that she is still going to go inside and say goodbye to my husband and daughter (she lives in Arizona). My mom starts walking down the driveway with my Aunt, my Aunt looks at her and says, aren't you going to say goodbye to Jeremy (hubby) and Delanie (1 yr old)? My mom then says, "I can't" and they continue to walk down the driveway and thats it, have not heard from her since.

  I know this is because she is inconsiderate and selfish. Frankly, I think she is a coward.

  I am just saying that I understand what it feels like to be hurt by your mother. Whether a JW or a forner JW.

  I just will not be like my mother.

  With love, Nikki
• 

  jwfacts

  This is the greatest disappointment in my life, to have a mother that doesn't understand that the whole point of her being a mother was to give me the tools and the wings to live my own life. As far as I'm concerned, she's failed in the role of mother.

  That is so well said. When I finally grew wings, rather than be proud, my mother rejected me. That is failure on her part.
• 

  Hortensia

  yeah, parents. It took me awhile to realize I would NEVER succeed in pleasing my mother. So I stopped trying. Had a little conversation with her along the lines of "I don't want to hear it, Mom. I am never going to be a JW again and there is no point in discussing it." My mother was an odd mixture. She didn't shun or reject us, but she sure liked putting us in the wrong when she could. She quit doing it with me when I took a stand. The strange thing is that she went to her death a loyal believing JW. Which means when she said goodbye to me, it meant she truly expected to never see me again. Or, maybe she figured the big sky daddy would take care of it somehow. She always was really good about letting anyone and everyone else make her decisions for her, so nothing was ever her fault. Anyway, I realized my mother would never love me the way I thought she should. "I felt better when I gave up hope." It's true.
• 

  dawg

  "Try to see things from her perspective. I know it's hard, but she is not being a bad mother".
  
  I call BS on this... she is freaking being a bad mother. I have never told anyone, and I mean anyone that they must think like me about a subject as unprovable as God to be loved by me. That they must buy into a line of crap for me to love them... I have never told my family that they must stop being a JW or I'll not have association with them... it's not an act of love to try and control the thoughts of those you love.
• 

  fern

  Recently my mother made the statement that she would be the happiest person alive if all her children would come back to "the truth". My mother also fails to see what successful people we have become. Because we are not witnesses, we are failures in her eyes. I have a different take on this that I haven't heard yet on this site and that is, I am the one who is dissapointed in my seemingly intelligent parents for being duped and taken in by this religion. How could they be so naive when I knew from a young age it was BS? Anyone feel the same about their parents?

  Fern