What was the most laughable JW teaching??

by chuckyy 73 Replies latest jw experiences

  • james_woods
    james_woods

    Anal and Oral sex between a married man and woman behind closed doors is somehow morally wrong.

    Many embarassing talks need to be given on this subject over the space of decades...this knowledge is coming directly from your Governing Body, even though the Bible itself has not one single word to say on such a subject. (after approximately 2000 to 4000 years).

  • White Dove
    White Dove

    The Bible does say something about covering one's feet with a towel, or something.

    For me, it was the birthday celebration explanation.

  • sacolton
    sacolton

    Jehovah lives in the star system of Pleiades.

    alt

  • ibme
    ibme

    Sacolton,

    How many times must me tell you to stop reading those older pub.

    "We have new light".

    Don't you just love that false statement!

    For me, the most laughable WBTS teaching is:

    Shunning.

  • Mary
    Mary

    Jehovah will make black people white in the Noo System of Things.

    Watch Tower 1904 February 15 pp.52-53 “Can the Ethiopian change his skin?”

    “What the Ethiopian cannot do for himself God could readily do for him. The difference between the races of men and the differences between their languages have long been arguments against the solidarity of the human family. The doctrine of restitution has also raised the question. How could all men be brought to perfection and which color of skin was the original? The answer is now provided. God can change the Ethiopian's skin in his own due time. Prof. H. A. Edwards, Supt. of Schools in Slater, Mo., has written for the public press an elaborate description of how Julius Jackson, of New Frankfurt, Mo., a negro boy of nine years, began to grow white in September, 1901 , and is now fully nine-tenths white. He assures us that this is no whitish skin disease; but that the new white skin is as healthy as that of any white boy, and that the changed boy has never been sick and never has taken medicines”

  • WTWizard
    WTWizard

    A couple I heard from the platform include more field circus. The first was calling it "stealing the Word of God" if you are not out there every second that God (who has no idea of human limitations) felt you could have been out there. Also, you are "stealing the Word of God" if you fail to witless to a coworker or customer, or anyone you could have, out of embarrassment or because of policies against violating religious neurtality at a worksite or business.

    The other was in a washtowel study. About mildness--they pegged it as antonyms with the word "cowardice". They then went on and said that anyone that did not foolhardily go out with the message despite severe crime problems, extremely adverse weather, dogs, or other hazards was not mild (this was in the discussion of the fruitages of the spirit, sometime in the early-mid 1990s). When I checked a standard dictionary, the antonym of mildness is, not cowardice, but harshness. Of course, it was designed to get people to go out in field circus more.

  • sir82
    sir82

    It's really hard to narrow it down.

    Imagine trying to explain to someone how the "7 trumpet blasts" in Revelation referred to conventions attended by a few thousand Bible Students in the 1920's.

    It kills me when JWs talk about how the "Revelation Climax" book "explains the book of Revelation so well". Ri-i-i-i-ght, try explaining the JW interpretation of the trumpet blasts, locust plagues, wild beasts, etc. to the average person on the street. Think they'll buy it?

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    A child who is the victim of sexual abuse must have 2 eye witnesses to the abuse before anyone can believe him or her

    Two adults or teens of opposite gender cannot be alone with each, especially overnight, without having sex and therefore would make the cong unclean and must be DFed. This of course ignores a couple of possibilities

    • people can have sex during the day
    • two people of the same gender could be having sex whether it is day or night
  • james_woods
    james_woods

    Well, so many wonderfully silly things have been mentioned here already that I hesitate, but - for the record -

    How about the "Creative Days were exactly 7,000 years each"?

    Now, just exactly how did that ever see the light of day? - The Bible could possibly have said (just as a matter of expression) - that "a day with God is like a thousand years". Now, of course - an Earth day is the usual approximate 24 hours, a Lunar month is the usual Lunar Month, and so on. Simple Geological evidence will show the Earth to be literally MILLIONS of years old - but no matter. The creative days were seven thousand years...no more, no less.

    But may we just ask: where - where? where? can you find anyplace that the creative days were seven thousand years long? (Other than the Freddy Franz version of the Watchtower?)

    If you were not a student or observer of this religion you might well ask - what difference does this quaint little teaching make? Well, if you had lived through the 1975 fiasco, you would know that the whole rationale of the 1975 end of days was that this was to be the end of the 6000 years since Adam. This left exactly 1,000 years in the last (seventh) creative 7000 year day, and conveniently, this would work out just right for the thousand year reign of Christ.

    Or, maybe not. It was the Edsel of the Zion's Watchtower Society, and they are still in denial over it.

  • passwordprotected
    passwordprotected

    The Greek Scriptures were written for 144,000 people only.

    The ransom sacrifice was for 144,000 only.

    The 144,000 are also the 24 elders, the kings of the earth, the New Jerusalem, the two witnesses, the bride of Christ, the brothers of Christ, the trees planted near the rivers of waters of life, sole participants in the New Covenant, sole participants in the 'covenant for the Kingdom', the seed of Abraham, the Israel of God and spiritual Israel.

    The WTS teachings elevate the 144,000 anointed class of Christians to more positions within God's purpose than Jesus Christ himself.

    I suppose that's why the WTS now teach the the remnant of the 144,000 on earth act as the mediator between mankind and Christ and that, while the congregation was bought by the blood of Christ's sacrifice, since 1919 Christ has voluntarily turned that congregation over to the control of...the 144,000 remnant on earth, AKA the Faithful and Discreet Slave, AKA the Governing Body of Jehovah's Witnesses.

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