just a typical marital counseling session????? (page 3)

Sirona

Sounds awful

As someone said, it takes time to even begin to solve stuff, if its possible.

Your wife has to learn that she has to give aswell as take. She has to compromise somewhere!

I hope the therapist can make her realise that.

hugs

Sirona

Blasty

oompa, it seems like you want to save your marriage, and you realize what needs to change somehow.

Of course, in any relationship, it's about both people bending to the other, neither of you can expect the other to go 100% there way. She clearly sounds like she isn't willing to bend at all, so you need to change that, and at the same time you need to be willing to bend too.

The hard part is, this issue is so integral to the hearts of both of you, that bending is probably the last thing either of you really want to do.

Ask her, what is she going to do to help save this marriage? Your going to a counselor, your including her in it, your not just walking out on her, your reaching out to her desperately it seems. You need to get her on the Marriage train, and get her to help you save this marriage, otherwise she's just lying to herself and to God by letting the marriage fall apart.

A JW may say they don't believe in divorce, but if she is divorcing you in her heart, and in her mind, then that's what matters to God, not some legal paper at the courthouse. That paper means nothing to God. If she's not trying to save this marriage with you, then she's divorcing herself from you already.

But this is all just my opinion and perception on the matter.

sacolton

I'd have to ask if she's worried about losing her salvation by meeting with "worldly" types ... and take it from there.

oompa

Blasty:
Of course, in any relationship, it's about both people bending to the other, neither of you can expect the other to go 100% there way. She clearly sounds like she isn't willing to bend at all, so you need to change that, and at the same time you need to be willing to bend too.
The hard part is, this issue is so integral to the hearts of both of you, that bending is probably the last thing either of you really want to do.
Ask her, what is she going to do to help save this marriage?

I like this post. She just today got plugged in. I love our friends....(the jw's). They are some awesome people and we still get to hang out some, and no, I do not open my yap one bit anymore, and most of the time JW stuff never comes up anyway. But I show respect for her and our old friends, so I guess that is bending for me cause I would so like to unload REAL truths at times. But how can she bend? ANY bending on her part means she is going against her "christian trained conscience", which is of course actually a WT trained one.

A couple of years ago she made it very plain that if it comes down to me or WT......I would lose. She really is more married to it than me dammit...........oompa....hey, so maybe she is guilty of bigamy and fornication!!!!

jamiebowers

IMHO, your wife needs to understand that you were probably born bi-polar, but being a jw just aggravates the condition. Smarter minds than mine will have to help you sort this all out, but it seems to me that your wife is pretty unyielding. What I'm wondering is exactly who is the head of your household? As a jw woman, she has no business dictating to you who you see or who you have over to the house as long as it doesn't involve an adulterous affair. I don't believe such now, but what's fair is fair. If she doesn't want to make friends with anyone other than jw's in accordance with WTB&TS doctrine, then she should follow the headship arrangement, as well,.

Why exactly is it that when I wouldn't accept my jw husband's physical abuse and threats, I wasn't submitting to his headship, but your wife can tell you who to see and where to go without being accused of the same thing? This is all bullshit, as far as I'm concerned. You should have the upper hand in this relationship if she's as good a jw as she claims to be.

oompa

jamie: As a jw woman, she has no business dictating to you who you see or who you have over to the house as long as it doesn't involve an adulterous affair. I don't believe such now, but what's fair is fair. If she doesn't want to make friends with anyone other than jw's in accordance with WTB&TS doctrine, then she should follow the headship arrangement, as well,.

Hey, I said i was nice didn't I? I can't imagine FORCING company on my wife! That is just creepy. Headship thing is too stupid for me to use, but it would just be plain mean imo........I have not even tried to have anyone over except my next door neighbors...and she freaked!....But after having a mini-apostaparty while she was out of town....well...I just need more....I need to grow........oompa

LockedChaos

Oompa

I feel for you

It is a rough, long, lonely road your on.

You do have a way station here though.

The heart is both tender and tough.

You can endure.

As far as the bi-polar thing

My step son is bi-polar

My wife is subject to depression

Both can be dibilitating illnesses

Both are being controlled with medication

It took 3 years to find the right combination for my step son

It took almost 10 years on on again, off again to find

the right combination for the wife.

Acknowledgement and persistance is absolutely required.

The mania (obsession) is the worst

Do not give up on it

Blasty

Oompa...I'm not 100% sure where you stand on the scriptures and stuff,

But, she has to agree on a few things. First, God is more important then the WTBTS, secondly Jesus Is also more important. Third, we should believe the word of the Bible before the words of the WTBTS. And, then see if you can get her to agree, that if the word of any of those three disagree with the words of the WTBTS, then we should do what God, Jesus, and/or the bible says.

Then I suggest having her look up some scriptures on marriage.

1 Corinthians 7 is a chapter with ammo for both of you really.\

May also want to pick a neutral ground bible, JW usually brag that any bible will prove their truth.

Robdar

Have you considered a temporary seperation? The reason I am asking is because your wife said this:

she thinks I want out of the marriage

It's been my experience that when a partner says something like that it is because THEY really want out of the marriage and are projecting the feelings on to their spouse.

I feel for you so much.

(((Oompa)))

changeling

Hey darlin!

Don't give up yet. That was just one session. Therapy is a process, not a quick fix.

As for her concern: I share that concern. I have seen you when you are high, I have seen you when you are "normal" and I have spoken to you when you have had too much to drink. You DO have a problem. Just because your mood evened out w/o meds this time does not mean it always will or that you are cured.

She is probably holding her breath waiting for you to lose it again. That is a scary way to live. I do believe you may be exagerating when you say you've been on "27 different drugs". Regardless, it's a process and not always an easy one to find what works. You owe it to yourself, your wife, and perhaps a future wife (if it goes that way) to face and handle your issues in a consistant, effective manner.

Also, if you commit to getting help for the drinking and bi-polar issues and stay sober and stable for a period of time, maybe your wife will begin to see that your leaving the WT is a whole different issue. Maybe then she will be more open to compromise. I feel you both need to see these as separate issues and stop confusing them.

I'm not kicking your ass this time, just offering a different point of view for you to consider.

You're on the right track. Hang in there.

changeling :)

just a typical marital counseling session?????

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