just a typical marital counseling session?????

by oompa 47 Replies latest jw friends

  • undercover
    undercover

    oompa...you have a PM...

    I liken marriage in the JWs to this...you're married to a group of people, not just your spouse. They know too much about you and you them, you have to answer to some of them, up to the point of what sexual positions you like...

    Then when you want to seperate from the group and just stay married to the one spouse, it's like your divorcing...and the spouse takes side with the group instead of the one they're really married to, so you - the one that initiated the freedom of being just a couple end up being the bad guy and "causing" all the trouble. You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. Don't do anything and you're miserable living a lie. Do something and the group controls the spouse enough to seperate you from each other.

  • Awakened at Gilead
    Awakened at Gilead
    she is to give me the balls to move on

    Sorry, bud, but you have to grow your own balls....

    unless I want to be a misearable doublelifer for life

    Don't be a doublelifer... tell her how you feel... why hide it? You're in the open now!

  • oompa
    oompa

    It is almost like she had rather think of me as mentally disturbed, rather than face the fact that I am an apostate................oompa

    lance you would scare the crap out her!....my god....and ex-gilead-apostate!

  • OUTLAW
    OUTLAW

    Oompa..Trust me,the counselor can`t make your decisions for you..Does`nt sound quite fair,does it..You pay out the money and your left to make your own decision..LOL!!..Good Luck Oompa!...............Laughing Mutley...OUTLAW

  • Metamorphosis
    Metamorphosis

    oompa - just again want to express my sympathy for what you are having to go through. i've seen the tears as well. it's amazing how wrapped up we can let a man made organization make us and limit our thinking. and it's sad when one partner sees through the cloud faster than the other. take heart - there are many who are making it work. your wife i think will definately have to make some concessions along the way and that is dependent on her love for you. but give her some time to do so as well as we all know how difficult thinking outside the WT box is at first.

    Morph

  • carla
    carla

    But that's just it, the org doesn't only control everything in her life but yours as well. I don't know about your house but in mine no R rated films allowed even when the kids are not around. I'm not talking soft porn here, for goodness sakes even Shawshank Redemption is R, Shindlers List, and so on. Even certain commercials has my jw thumbing for the remote! (maybe those are just days where he is feeling particulary pious, other days we catch him peeking around his newspaper to watch! heeheehe)

    As for conversations with a jw mate, you learn after awhile that certain topics, jokes, relationship discussions are just off limits unless you are up for a 'jw discussion'. Pretty soon you realize that most the time your relationship is no more intimate with your spouse as their relationship is with the guy they work with or someone on the street because so many subjects are taboo. Not that they don't have their tender moments, they can, but there again it is all dependent upon them and their needs for the day. God forbid they stay home if there is something that really needs attending to with the home or relationship! Later, will be the response, 'when I get back from my meeting'. Who the hell wants to talk to someone right after a cult meeting? geesh. How much sense would that make when that is the problem? It is difficult to get them in a non jw moment due to seeing jw's every other day.

    That damn pink elephant just follows you around everywhere you go and you learn how to pretend it's not there sometimes.

    I'm glad your therapist is familiar with jw's that is half the battle, then you don't have to spend hours upon hours explaining it all. Best of luck.

  • purplesofa
    purplesofa

    undercover,

    great post.

    oompa,

    time will sort things out for you. Hoping all the best for YOU.

    purps

  • oompa
    oompa
    AG:
    she is to give me the balls to move on

    Sorry, bud, but you have to grow your own balls....

    No I dont lance.......I am a nice guy....a softee......I dont want to hurt anyone........so I can pay a pro to force issues I just may not be able to address. I may not have your balls, but am not ashamed of this fact, that is just how I am............oompa

  • *summer*
    *summer*
    so many tears these last three years that is was no big deal

    Your situation has been going on {and deteriorating} for quite a while now. Do not expect things to be solved in one therapy session. And do not expect it will be easy for you and your wife to deal with your respective demons.

    The question is...how much are you willing to fight for each other?

    Wishing you both all the best

  • Nowman
    Nowman

    oompa,

    I do belive in time you will know what you want to do, what is best for the situation. Unfortunately, your mind set is out of the org now, even though you are still dealing with the after effects. From reading your posts, this is still a fairly new life for you. I can only imagine how tough it is to be married to a mind-set JW. Its not her fault though, she really believes in it still, and probably feels like she will die at Armegedon if she even considers to question the org (she maybe already but is not ready to admit yet).

    I too feel that she is using the mental state (bi-polar) against you somewhat, but she is hurt and will try to say things that will get to you. I think you are putting forth a great effort to make it work, while at the same time, you are getting your feelings out in the open. Only time will tell what you need to do that is best for you and your wife.

    Best wishes to you!

    Nikki

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