PAIN (page 3)

cawshun

Hi Maddie,

I feel your pain. I had a biblical discussion with my daughter ( she married a JW and got baptized) I am not a JW. The discussion had nothing to do with jw beliefs just some bible scriptures I wanted her opinion on. Things went bad, she got all huffy, told my grand-kids to pick up it was time to go. Then she turned to me in a huff and said, my kids don't need to be around you! Whoaaaa, I sure didn't expect that.

My grand-kids are 4 and 6. I kept both of them the first 3 yrs. of their life so mom and dad could work and not put them in daycare. I gave and give my all to those kids. They make my heart beat. I found out how fast my daughter could pull them away from me. Those words really hurt and I felt sickened about it for a good 2 weeks.

We did end out conversation that day on a good note, I had to tell her I would never interfere where the kids were concerned about religion and we hugged.

I know now that she drank the kool ade, she is in over her head. Now I know not to discuss religion with her or say anything neg. about the JW's. She is also fond of the word "apostate". and used that one on me.

I love my grand-kids and it would kill me if she kept them from me, but I think she would hurt more in the long run. They acturally need us more. The husband's parents are JW's, step dad an elder and his mother a pioneer, they show no interest in the kids ( they love them) but they don't attend their ball games, dance recitals, rarely keep them. She would be the one to miss us more.

I'm going to just keep my mouth shut on the subject and hope and pray that this cult breaks apart really soon. It seems like more are leaving all the time and I just pray they will see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know its so hard and painful for you but I think your saving yourself from that wicked kingdom hell is in your best interest.

Best Wishes Cawshun

Hortensia

I don't have any ideas for you - I'm glad to see you again but so sorry your DIL and son have made this choice. It's not good to cut the grandparents out of a child's life. Life is pretty difficult and the more people who love a little kid, the better. Your son and his wife are teaching their child that it is OK not to love.

Vinny

Maddie,

What you typed on this thread, sounded so much like what my own wife is going through, that I had to ask her if SHE WAS YOU. Seriously.

She too has faded away for the sake of keeping some relationships in tact. Her brother (a ministerial servant-- the harshest shunners out there since they is seeking and on the road to ELDERSHIP--) still speaks with her daily because of her fading and not officially leaving as I did. I get the full shunning deal btw.

Her 23 year old son (my stepson...I raised him since he was six), used to speak with us both daily even after I DA'd. But then she said just a wee bit too much about why she no longer goes one day, I guess, and now he has cut her and I both off completely. No letter, just a harsh message on our answering machine saying if we even stopped by the house he would call the police on us. Just WOW!

I need to add that after he hung up, he must have forgotten to turn off the phone. Continuing on our answering machine, we heard his wife then chastising him in the background for sounding like he was reading it, WHICH HE WAS IN FACT DOING.

Though my wife and I both also know for a fact that he would never do this (cut us off) himself. He is a surfer, a cruiser, 4 wheeler, a lover of Heineken and just a good ole boy whose best friend on his myspace page is another disfellowshipped (for years now) good old boy that likes all the same.

Instead, this position of cutting us off entirely is because his wife is from a Nazi-like JW family whose mother is an mini elderette that claims to be in line to rule over all mankind one day and partakes every year. They do this to other families all the time. They literally STEAL men from other families. We were warned before they hooked up by PO's, pioneers and even the CO's wife.

On the phone, just a couple weeks ago, his wife called and told my wife to stop calling her son, to stop whining (she was crying) and said, "you have two other children, so just let him go".

Amazing but true.

Anyway, you are soooo not alone Maddie. We completely understand your "pain".

I will PM you and leave a phone number so you can call her if you like.

Hang in there!

All the best,

Vinny

Vinny

I forgot to add that her son has a two and a half year old son (our only grandkid) that neither of us can see any longer. IT BREAKS HER HEART at times too.

They told her if she went to the meetings she could see him there. I am not lying or exaggerating.

Amazing aint it?

Vinny

Hortensia

yup, cruelty works, doesn't it? Makes people turn back to the KH, all right. How cruel this is. I am so sorry to hear this.

Maddie

Vinny - My son is a MS too and what really shocks me is how far away from the love of Christ him and his wife have really come in their way of acting. I am going through some massive mood changes right now - probably like your wife.SometimesI am so angry I want to explode and then I cry a lot. Mostly I feel that like a death has just taken place and have that awful ache inside. I will reply to your pm so thank you.

cawshun - The way they use the shunning threat of losing family is so wicked and yet they use it as a weapon all the time. The JW religion is so unloving and cruel its unbelievable!

paybacktime - You are so right that its the GB who are responsible for everything, but its our loved ones who cause us the pain.

Hortensia - I have tried reasoning with my son and dil about the importance of my grand daughter having my love in her life but to no avail.

I am trying to let go, put a closure on it but feel the need to either write him a letter or try to see him first. I suppose I want to say goodbye so that I can go through a grieving process and then get on with the business of living. Being in no-mans land is too painful as I was there for years once before, always in the grief and never being able to let go.

Maybe some posters have brought a closure to things in this way and can help me with this, so I would appreciate your help.

Maddie

Hortensia

I haven't had a similar experience but I can see how cruel it is. It might be worth going to the KH anyway, but they might turn out to be the kind of folks who escalate things. If you give in and go back to the KH, what will they want next? They are using their daughter as a pawn. My sister is in a similar situation. Her son was recently killed in a car crash and his ex-wife, a JW of course, won't let my sister see the grandkids. My sister is heart-broken but her therapist said that fighting over it (a lawsuit for grandparent's rights) would damage the children because their mother would punish them one way or another if she had to give in and let my sister see them. My sister doesn't want to hurt the kids, so she is just saving things, like letters they wrote, pictures of their dad, mementos of their dad, things like that, for the day in the future when the grandkids come looking for her.

PEC

((((((Maddie))))))

Philip

avengers

I have a dream that one day the WT will collapse and all the poor trapped souls inside that evil empire will be set free.

Good dream.

(((((( Maddie))))))

Andy

Crumpet

Dear Maddie

I didnt know all of yoru situation. Please try not to blame yourself for the way you handled it - I think even if you had said nothing they may have decided to throw in the towel as it were anyway. My family began the shunning before i was disfellowshipped as did numerous friends and I'd only stopped attending meetings for a short while and none of them had witnessed my trangressions, so they try you and execute the sentence before you even get to a judicial in some cases.

I know none of that helps with the actual pain of not being able to see and touch your grand daughter and son and i just wanted you to know your pain is shared. The only consolation i have is that they are in my dreams most nights, so I get to spend time with them then.

With love

Nina

PAIN

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