[This is the letter I wrote in December, 2005 to my PO just before I confronted all my doubts. The infamous article bashing higher education had just come out and I was having a hard time making sense of everything. I was still a ministerial servant, and it just pushed me over the edge. Hope you enjoy. -dp]
Craig ,
I wanted to talk to you sometime this week, but I think I'll just go ahead and send you this email instead. I want to make sure you know my full intention of stepping aside as a servant for now, and that I am very serious about this request.
As far as what is on my mind - it is pretty much the education issue. It has become quite aparent that going to college is not the recommended course of action in the organization. We would be kidding ourselves in saying that the Society is not casting college in a very negative light. It took me months to realize that I simply did not agree with the line of reasoning in the Watchtower a few weeks ago concerning education. I am aware of the dangers of bad association, seeking material riches, etc... but I do not agree with the approach the Society is taking on this. We could be offering suggestions on balancing spiritual and academic life, but instead we discourage anyone from trying - a knee-jerk reaction to some young ones using college as a pretext to "get distracted" and fade away from the truth. I saw a lot of the references and examples of how college has failed as being very slanted.
You may wonder why this has had such a big impact on me. I have a lot of eyes on me right now. In my previous congregation, our PO had a local needs on how college was not a good idea once he found out I started attending the local community college. I was the only person in the hall going to college and there were a lot of young ones possibly looking up to me at that time. I was quite angry about it at first, but eventually understood his stance on it and just forgot about it. But to cut a long story short - I don't want to be in the spot-light anymore. I don't want anyone looking to me and saying "look, he can do it, why can't I?" If a young person came to me for advice on what they should do with their life, I would tell them to pioneer for a while or go to Bethel. But if they asked me about college, I certainly wouldn't tell them the same things the Society says. One of the big things that bothered me about that article a while back (you know the one) was that it not once mentioned the difference in living in a dormitory and living off-campus and how that can make ALL the difference in the things one is faced with. Also, they brought out the fact that many graduates do not find emplyment matching the major they had, or that many students did not even graduate at all. They bring this out as if the university system is responsible for this, when the fact is that we are all responsible for our own actions and if I failed to find employment because I got a BA in fine arts or something, that is my own responsibility. College is what you make of it - I'm sure you see that. If some did not find employment in their chosen field, it most likely made them more marketable for the job they did get.
Also, the remarks about how one could do plumbing, hairdressing, or computer repair in order to work part-time and pioneer (or "one who's true vocation is in serving Jehovah"), is down-right laughable. No comment is made in how plumbing (and most other trades) often requires one to complete a 4-year apprenticeship and also is not the kind of work that offers part-time employment. After I left Bethel, I spent a while looking for some type of work that I could do with these goals in mind. I shovelled dirt in order to be a heavy-equipment operator, I sawed brick all day in order to be a stonemason, I dug trenches in order to do landscaping, I dug more trenches to be a carpenter. Each one of these trades requires a lot of hard - and full-time - work with low pay in order to eventually gain a living wage. Those facts, with the realization that I did not want to ruin my body by doing this type of labor as I had seen many other brothers do, made me investigate alternative options. So I started going to community college without knowing what I wanted to do at first. But you know what? I found out what I wanted to do, and now here I am, well on my way to completing my goal. There is a right and a wrong way to go about things. I believe we should be instructing our youth in the right way about doing things, not telling them to avoid all tough circumstances.
Further comments were made at the Elders/Servants school. I can't believe the comment was actually made that a young person can often find valuable skills at Bethel, while comments also being said about how college is a "failure" of education. Certainly I have seen Bethelites leave with valuable skills, but these are the minority. Raising hopes toward this possibility is negligent and unrealistic. I came out of Bethel knowing how to wash thousands and thousands of pots and pans per hour. I can clean a 10"-wide stainless steel pot in literally 2 seconds. You may find this funny, but I do not. This was the most valuable secular training I recieved in 14 months of serving at Bethel. I do not regret my time spent at Bethel - I loved it - but this skill is hardly what would enable me to provide for me and my wife.
I could go on and on, but I won't. Suffice it to say that I was dumb-founded, angered, and embarrassed by that article - and all the additional counsel against college - due to the flimsy reasoning and insufficient argumantation included . I cannot get beyond the fact that the brothers at Bethel seem to be a bit out of touch with life on the outside. I cannot, in good conscience, continue serving as if nothing bothered me, or is bothering me. I really just need to take some time off and finish my degree without the pressure of walking a tight-rope, making sure everyone sees what they want to see me do. If the brothers at Bethel expect failure from all brothers and sisters attending college and those seeking a secular career, than that is what they will get.
Please delete me as a servant as soon as possible. I cannot concentrate on giving my Bible Highlights next week, so I would apreciate it if you could take care of that for me. I am quite willing to assist in handling mikes, stage mikes, or whatever, but I do not wish to give any more parts other than a number 2 talk - because I do not want to be seen as an example anymore when my views about this are in direct conflict with what the brothers at Brooklyn are telling us. Be assured that I have not discussed this with anyone but my wife and neither will I voice my differing views to anyone. I would not want to cause further reason for any to be stumbled.
Thank you for the opportunity to serve here, and I am sorry if you were dissapointed.