Crossroads

by ColdRedRain 36 Replies latest jw experiences

  • ColdRedRain
    ColdRedRain

    I've been going out with this girl for 9 months. So far, our relationship has worked so well, except for the past few weeks. I've seen a lot of personality flaws.

    She constantly has flashbacks towards her past traumas. I can understand the past traumas and I'm willing to work with them but when they interfere with our relationship, she says "they're my secrets and secrets should be left in the past" and they never get solved.

    She's not very thrifty. I can make 50 bucks last maybe 3 weeks. She can't make 50 bucks last 4 hours.

    She's very jealous. I've heard from friends that she's sent rude e-mails to them. I had a female friend I met at one of my Autism support groups. We hit it off and instantly, she sent that female friend a nasty e-mail. She claimed not to have sent it, but it was in her exact writing style.

    She's not willing to try out new things. If she sees something new, novel and can make our lives easier, she goes into a pissy mood. It's like pulling teeth with her.

    She's clueless on world affairs. I had to explain economics to her. She got mad and told me to stop talking. When I'm over at her house, I always have to bring my PDA with me or else I'll never be caught up with the news.

    The only pluses I see with this relationship is how I have somebody who can be my eyes and ears socially. She's not even that good at that because she's been so sheltered growing up and she's managed to make me look weak in front of a bunch of gangbangers on the bus.

    When she gets angry, she gets violent. When I told her I was going to break up with her, she tried to kick me when I tried to get my stuff from my bag. I almost snapped and fought back.

    So I'm at a crossroads. I'm thinking it might be time to part ways. I think I fell out of love with her and she probably isn't going to change. Am I right for thinking so?

  • BreakingAway
    BreakingAway

    Yes, you're right.Run for the hills !!!

  • megsmomma
    megsmomma

    If you read what you wrote (like it wasn't you writing it....with no emotion) I think you will have your answer.

    She sounds like someone with more drama than you need...and she seems to have some really bad qualities that often get worse in time, and harder to deal with. There is likely someone better out there for you.....My opinion.

    If you do deciede to break it off....make sure you are in public!

  • FreudianSlip
    FreudianSlip
    I've been going out with this girl for 9 months. So far, our relationship has worked so well, except for the past few weeks. I've seen a lot of personality flaws.

    No doubt so has she.

    She constantly has flashbacks towards her past traumas. I can understand the past traumas and I'm willing to work with them but when they interfere with our relationship, she says "they're my secrets and secrets should be left in the past" and they never get solved.
    She doesn't need or want you to solve her problems.

    She's not very thrifty. I can make 50 bucks last maybe 3 weeks. She can't make 50 bucks last 4 hours.
    It's HER money.

    She's very jealous. I've heard from friends that she's sent rude e-mails to them. I had a female friend I met at one of my Autism support groups. We hit it off and instantly, she sent that female friend a nasty e-mail. She claimed not to have sent it, but it was in her exact writing style.
    If this is true, then yes you have identified a red flag.

    She's not willing to try out new things. If she sees something new, novel and can make our lives easier, she goes into a pissy mood. It's like pulling teeth with her.
    Example?

    She's clueless on world affairs. I had to explain economics to her. She got mad and told me to stop talking. When I'm over at her house, I always have to bring my PDA with me or else I'll never be caught up with the news.
    You can't expect everyone to have the same interests as you. This is something you need to either accept or end things.

    The only pluses I see with this relationship is how I have somebody who can be my eyes and ears socially. She's not even that good at that because she's been so sheltered growing up and she's managed to make me look weak in front of a bunch of gangbangers on the bus.
    So.. uh.. why are you with her? You seem to not have anything good to say.

    When she gets angry, she gets violent. When I told her I was going to break up with her, she tried to kick me when I tried to get my stuff from my bag. I almost snapped and fought back.
    Just leave.

    So I'm at a crossroads. I'm thinking it might be time to part ways. I think I fell out of love with her and she probably isn't going to change. Am I right for thinking so?
    You should never expect major change. You love someone for who they are, not who you want them to be.
  • OUTLAW
    OUTLAW

    ..Too much trouble!..You don`t need that in your life..Time to say goodbye!..Laughing Mutley...OUTLAW

  • Casper
    Casper

    Goodness... too much negativity there for me...

    I agree with above posts, "Run" for the hills !!!


    Cas

  • ColdRedRain
    ColdRedRain

    Re: Problems: They instantly become MY problems once her behavior starts affecting our relationship. *I'm* in this relationship with her, so if they affect the relationship, ergo, it affects me.

    Re: Red flag: Yes, you have that one correct.

    Re: Money: It's good and fine when it's her money and I should have expanded on this more. When she runs out of her money, she doesn't have any money to spend on needs, so if she needs something for a quick emergency, I have to flip the bill. We're constantly arguing over this. She also doesn't understand that she's on SSI and she has a limited budget. She constantly calls me cheap because I prefer to buy prepackaged burritos and carry tea bags with me when we go out rather than buying food from restaurants.

    Re: Trying new things: She's afraid to try new foods and new activities. Most of the new activities and food I suggest are very budget conscious. If we had more money, I wouldn't waste my time eating handmade spring rolls, drinking Chinese energy drinks and eating miso and seaweed soup and hanging out at the local bazaar. I'd eat real food.

    Re: Same interests: I don't expect her to have the same interests as I do either, but what I do expect is somebody to at least be somewhat knowledgeable about their surroundings and the world around them. Because she doesn't really listen to other opinions nor does she watch TV, I've had to explain to her the world around her ad nauseum.

  • Hope4Others
    Hope4Others

    Your in the honey moon period of the relationship and if you have problems now, I guarantee it will

    not get any better. She has issues as I see it, as much as it may hurt......I think it is advisable to move on.

    They are all red flags...jealousy, anger , flashbacks and bad with finances....

    Hope4others

  • mrsjones5
    mrsjones5

    I think you've been with her long enough to know that what you all have together is not long term. If after only nine months her flaws get in the way why go any further. Time to say goodbye.

  • StAnn
    StAnn

    And you are staying in this mismatched relationship because...?

    StAnn

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