Its Thursday nite and...

by seeking help 18 Replies latest jw friends

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  easyreader1970

  My wife is furious when I miss a meeting for no real reason (like work). If I claim illness she pretends to understand but then she goes on about how upset she is that I am missing the meetings and she can't understand how missing it isn't upsetting me. That or she will make some comment about how she went to the meeting with a stomachache or how her mom had to pull kids to the meeting in a wagon back in 1973.

  I am one of the people that cannot fade. My wife is too crazy. It's like living with a mini-member of the governing body in my house.

  She's not bad all the time but when it comes to going to meetings (because we are told to), she is deadly serious. She was going to go out of town this weekend (Friday, Saturday, Sunday) to see a friend graduate from college but the drive back is like 6 hours and she would have missed the meeting on Sunday (the horror!!!!).

  Sometimes she is sick. If she doesn't want me to stay and take care of her she will tell me I need to go to the meeting. Usually what I do is put on a shirt and tie, go into the Hall before the meeting, shake a few hands before the first song starts, and then I go to Best Buy or Target. I burn a couple of hours and then go home. That way people have seen me, I don't have to lie and say I wen't when I didn't, and I didn't have to go to the meeting!

  er
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  seeking help

  well my wife is a uber witness. when my kids were little and they were sick i would never have to go. how sick is that? hoping someone feels sick or has a big homework assignment. this has gone on so long and i feel so trapped. just gonna suck it up and look out the window. and pray for a power outage.
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  Meeting Junkie No More

  Easyreader: not to hijack the thread, but how did your wife react to the announcement about the amalgamating of the book study, thus reducing meeting attendance times? That should have been a huge tip off to her that many of the brothers just can't keep up the regimen. Why not take that tack with her? Tell her you may not have been vocal about it, but you too felt the stress of having so many meetings and are so glad the Gibbering Buddy has taken note of your exhaustion and 'lessened the burden'. You have to say this in all sincerity, of course! Then stick to your guns on the odd meeting night, and say you will not be COERCED. You need to take care of your physical well being, as well as the spiritual and only you are in a position to judge when your body needs rest from the hectic 24/7 pace of today's world. Tell her meetings need to be weekday mornings, if they are that important, not at the end of the day, when normal people are TIRED OUT from a day of work. Jesus load is light! yada yada

  Your wife does actually sound rabid about meeting attendance, by your description. I don't envy your position, but I think you could change it ever so slowly and tactfully....just my 2 cents...
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  easyreader1970

  Easyreader: not to hijack the thread, but how did your wife react to the announcement about the amalgamating of the book study, thus reducing meeting attendance times? That should have been a huge tip off to her that many of the brothers just can't keep up the regimen. Why not take that tack with her? Tell her you may not have been vocal about it, but you too felt the stress of having so many meetings and are so glad the Gibbering Buddy has taken note of your exhaustion and 'lessened the burden'. You have to say this in all sincerity, of course! Then stick to your guns on the odd meeting night, and say you will not be COERCED. You need to take care of your physical well being, as well as the spiritual and only you are in a position to judge when your body needs rest from the hectic 24/7 pace of today's world. Tell her meetings need to be weekday mornings, if they are that important, not at the end of the day, when normal people are TIRED OUT from a day of work. Jesus load is light! yada yada

  She was both infuriated and saddened at the same time. She was almost upset at the GB but then she realized she couldn't be. How could they do this? This was supposedly the oh-so-important meeting where we socialized and met with each other on an intimate basis, the cornerstone of our fellowship? This was the group that we would stick to when the Great Tribulation started (yeah, right). By Monday she was almost in tears. This actually made her more rabid about attending the remaining meetings. She didn't accept the "burden" story. She said "It's not a burden to me!"

  I tried to explain to her how difficult it is to get 3 kids ready after school on a Thursday night (after already having been Tuesday night) and she agreed that it was difficult. She didn't buy the "gas prices" explanation. I told her that they only used that as "an example" and it wasn't the sum of the reasons why they cancelled the book study.

  Anyway, in her mind she took the announcement to mean that the end is near(er). It's the only logical conclusion she can come up with as to why they would remove this ever important arrangement. I don't know what she will think in another 20 years. Probably the same thing. She is firmly on their hook. It would take mass corruption or conspiracy of the absolute worst kind by the Governing Body to make her lose faith in them. Yes, I said "in them" not "in Jehovah."

  er
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  flipper

  SEEKING HELP & EASYREADER- I know how you guys feel- I was married to a fanatic JW wife for 19 years till 1998. It is tough because you don't feel like you are married to a woman- you feel like you are married to a female version of Jehovah ! Or worse still - you feel like you are really in a threesome with your wife, Jehovah, and yourself ! And of course Jehovah being the big stud he is - always gets the girl . So, it's a competition thing at times for the wife's affections. What I did before the marriage finally blew up was get active in hobbies and other pursuits to make myself happy. Unless your wives share your interests in something other than JWism - it's what you might have to do as well to keep from going insane. Just a thought . Hang in there I feel for you folks ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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  Meeting Junkie No More

  easyreader:

  I think she's ripe for enlightening. She's suffering from conflicting info! Perfect storm conditions - mixed messages...which is what was instrumental in waking me up! Tell her you are puzzled by the change - it contradicts the admonition in Hebrews 10:24,25 which is to meet 'all the MORE so" so why is the GB doing the exact opposite? again you have to ask these questions with the greatest of sincerity, shake head, throw up hands in despair, etc. etc. Then point out that it is a shame that the GB had to see so many so burdened before they made the change, perhaps ask why it would take gas prices to move the Holy Spirit to make these changes, but then wait 8 months to actually implement them for the good of Joe Witless? (ok, don't say Joe Witless!)

  Sounds like the meeting is the highlight of your wife's day (or maybe it's the one time the kids don't need her attention as much - not sure of their ages). If she doesn't work outside the home, this may be her only escape from the drudgery of being housebound (not sure of your circumstances)

  Bottom line, you are the head of the household and as such you have the right to make decisions about your own meeting attendance. ASSERT YOURSELF! She could be feeling so insecure, forcing you is the only way she can convince herself to go as well....

  Just my 2 cents. Hope I don't sound too overbearing...not wanting to tell you what to do, just sending some thoughts your way. It must be difficult....
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  megaflower

  You only get one chance at life. Do not let the WTS steal anymore of it. The time to act is now, take control and do what is right for you. If that means no meetings then just stop going.
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  ldrnomo

  Try fading gradually. First miss a meeting here and there then stop going to book studies once your family stops bugging you. Then miss more and more, TMS/SM's then stop altogether while missing a few Sunday meetings first leave after the PT then stop going. within a year you'll be done with it all. I haven't been to a meeting in over a year now and it's great. Best thing I ever did. Once in a while someone stops by while out on a Saturday and tells me they miss me. I thank them, they move on and that's it. LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT!

  LD
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  Ancientofdays

  Easyrider : looks like we share the same wife !!

  When I start recovering myself mental sanity (2 years ago) I argue a lot with my wife. I made every point concerning me very clear , but I cannot stop going to the meeting. She was more furius with me not going to the meeting than with me expressing my frankly thought on "the truth" and the SFD ! And I wasn't soft.

  I first stop going to the Revelation Climax disgusting study. I demostrate her the insanity and incoerence in that book. She was hungry, but recognize my reasons.

  Then , I stop going out in service. No way to present people a message like The Truth , when it's at list instable and variable.

  After that, I stop going to field service meeting. No reason doing this meeting if not going out in service.

  So , the last was the sunday meeting. Very hard to stop going in the hall , at list once a week ..("so , you don't care anymore the brothers ? They want to see you ? They love you , bla bla..") Really , I care most of the brothers , but going in the hall we are not doing a party with nice people, we go there to be indoctrinated. As I said this was hard.

  I had a very nice help from CO and PO visiting me in my house.

  After long discussion on many subject, the CO told me I had to stop talking to "others".

  I ask him if I have to stop also talking to my wife (I was provoking him)

  He said , seriuosly, yes you should pay attention talking to you wife. She could be upset from your conversations.

  Ok brother, thank you for your suggestion and go away. This was last visit I received from elders and company (I'm still associated)

  Then I talk to my wife, and I state I was really sad for what the CO told me, in my house. From now on I'm not goign the meeting anymore. I'm not supporting at all an organization where there's not freedom of talk and thougth.

  Never going back to the meeting in the last 8 months , apart the memorial, but it took over one year to get rid of.

  So , I would not say stop in one week. But start to stop. You're (as I was) wasting a lot of time.