JW relatives....ughh

by milligal 14 Replies latest jw experiences

  • milligal

    I'm wondering if anyone has any thoughts on this (sorry it's kind of long): both my husband and I are df'd. Both our families are active witnesses. His family has decided to shun us 150% (you know what I mean, no phone calls even when you're dying). So, fine after several hurtful years we moved on and let them shun us. That wasn't good enough. My mother-in-law continues to try to get our attention by sending hurtful messages to us through non-JW relatives, like when my husband was about to deploy to Iraq she said he would be the first to die, or telling my 9 year old son (who is associated with the JW's through his dad) that his younger half brother is being kept away from her-by us. She actually cried in front of my son and made herself out to be the victim. She forbid my husband's sister from inviting him to her wedding and they instead, invited his ex-wife. Then his witness Aunt called him up and told him how beautiful his ex wife looked.

    About two months ago, my mother-in-law sent a red cross message to my husband who was on an assignment in NY that his grandfather was dying. She has our phone numbers, she didn't need to make it all drama-red cross messages involve his chain of command. My husband asked me if he should go to his dying JW grandfather at his mother's request, it would cost us about $1000. I told him I couldn't decide that for him but life's a bitch isn't it? I mean these people have shunned us-all of them even when I was laying in the hospital having organ failure with my second son-not a peep out of them. Then they need something and we come running? Well he didn't wind up going.

    My dilema is this; I wrote my mother-in-law a letter after she cornered my 9 year old son and I told her from here on out, the rules are that if you want anything to do with your grandchildren-you go through my husband. She crossed the line with me. Now, of course, she was HUGELY offended by this, how dare I-right? She should absolutely be allowed to shun, and insult us and play mind games with our children without any consequence. But my husband still defends her. He still hopes that someday he'll be able to take our children to see her. He tells me, I just don't know her (which is because she shuns me, but anyway...) We argue over this and I think it's insane.

    Does anyone else deal with this? Do you just 'accept' how badly your JW relatives treat you? Do you try to set your own rules with them? How is it working?

  • 95stormfront

    Sounds to me like your husband should grow a backbone. No way should someone who treats you like that have access to your children, much less be allowed to continue to think they are entitled to it.

  • carla

    Thanks to your husband for his service and your family for their sacrifice & support.

    Why would you allow someone who is mentally abusing your child anywhere near? Personally, if it was my child she would not have any access whatsoever. If she is going to have any contact with your chidren at all it should be at your discretion and only when you are present so she is not preaching at the children and telling them dreadful things about you & your husband and your immenent deaths at the big A or when your husband is stationed in harms way. As if the child doesn't have enough to worry about! It may be time to educate the child about the jw's, the pedophile issue, flip flops, deaths, suicides, immoratlity, unbiblical teachings, scandals, etc.... all can be done in an age appropriate way. Or just tell him grandma belongs to a dangerous and deadly cult and is crazy and you need to protect him from her, when all else fails tell the truth.

  • Wordly Andre
    Wordly Andre

    I know your pain, except with me it's my grandma that my JW family tries to keep me away from, and my grandma is Catholic, my Jehovifamily are nuts. The thing that I've learned is stick up for yourself and never ever let them have the upper hand, they will back down. I have one uncle who is afriad of worldly-andre because he thinks I want to kick his ass, I actually prefer that over them thinking I am afriad of them elder people.

  • odie67

    I feel your pain. I am going through the same thing with my JW relative. This person has to make it known that I am to be shunned (accept when this person wants something or needs a shoulder to cry on). I've decided not to answer my phone. The JW world is insane. I think that she can't stand the fact that I'm DF'd and I'm o.k. Yet her life is a complete mess although she's serving the true god. It doesnt add up. I'm not bragging because i have my share of problems but I think she wants me to suffer. I think it bothers JW's when worldly people especially DF'd people don't suffer because they are miserable.

  • Tired of the Hypocrisy
    Tired of the Hypocrisy
    The JW world is insane. I think that she can't stand the fact that I'm DF'd and I'm o.k.

    Yes it is quite insane. For some reason they think that all df'd folks need to be whing and crying to get back in. I have seen this especially with my wife's rabid family. One of her aunts has been df'd and reinstated like 8 or 9 times. And tehy shit on her til she comes crying back, then she screws another neighbor or three at a time and out she goes, divorced and shunned again. It rubs them the wrong way when someone is tossed out and wants to stay out.

  • sweet pea
    sweet pea


    Hang in there girl. It's tough and there's no getting away from the frustration. Just try and ignore it, even though that's so much easier said than done.

    We have the opposite problem - total silence from my in-laws; they don't even mention us to the other members of the family (non-JWs who think they're crazy for treating us in such a disgusting way). So it's like we don't exist. Occasionally, Besty's mother will send a card addressed to the boys - she sent us a postcard once after we'd moved to the US.

    It hurts like hell but it's more their loss than ours - they are missing out on the best years of our children's lives - if they ever 'wake up' I know they will be devastated when they realise what they missed out by choice.

    You have to remember (I keep having to remind myself) that at the end of the day they are victims.

    The best advice is to live the fullest, happiest life you can without letting them wind you up.


  • yknot


    I wish this type of manipulative behavior was just limited to the Dubs!

    My MIL has been banned permanently for antics worst then the ones you describe.

    As a family we are happy, yes my hubby has his moments of sadness but knows first hand the depth of her harmfulness.

    Stand your ground !

  • SPAZnik

    so sorry your husband doesn't have your back.

  • milligal

    Thank you all for your feedback-

    I agree with those that posted about JW's not accepting your happiness while df'd. It unravels their entire theory about God blessing them, and turning his back on you. What's funny is that my JW mother thinks that my troubles with my ex is the fault of Satan (of course) she says he's testing me. I said 'mom, by your own teachings Satan's already got me, why would he continue working on me?' She had no reply to that.

    As far as my hubby, this is a hard issue for us. I can't seem to say in any polite way that his mother is horrible and he should feel as angry as I do. I don't know what else to do but let him get there on his own.

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