A year ago today I was on my last leg. Sitting under a camel with a million straws on it's back. I found JWD, like many of you, by doing a google on Jehovah's Witness. I knew that I was being BAD....very, very, BAD. Sometimes it is just necessary. I found free minds....spent days and days reading....then I emailed Randy, and he sent me here. I wanted to just read, but alas, I had to register to read more....so I did. I came up with "wings" in about two seconds (at the time I had no intention of posting) so it didn't matter to me. I have only recently learned to love my alias. I guess I wasn't ready to fly then.
My life is ridiculous, and had been for some time. If I had truely shared everything here I would have been flagged as a troll from the begining. It would write better as a soap opera than a book. I have empathy for those who live in the vortex of turmoil. It does happen. For me, my fade made being proactive in my life impossible. No worldly friends allowed, non-witness family not welcome....etc....I needed support. By the time I left, I had no friends, a five year fade will do that to you. I cannot express the depth of hollowness I was in when I found this site.
I would post a bit, then depression, circumstances would take over......then I would come back and post a bit.....then again I would go under.....Then after my dad passed, I posted a topic "I am officially lonely"...and I meant it. For a loner, that was really saying something. Well, you came through...all of yous' (don't mean to butcher the English language, but it's just me) . So I connected to you through PM's and phone calls and discovered that you are real fleash and blood people out there. This site turned from a crutch to get through a tough time into a open door leading to my new life.
I have used this site to explore my honesty. You know, express myself. Like looking at myself in a mirror of words. I have learned much. For one, I'm not as nice as I thought. (a personal stigma I'm not completely comfortable with). I am a smart ass, and sometimes funny. Making yourself laugh is good. I appreciate so many of you here, the funny ones are easy, but also the ones who struggle, the ones that care and take time to read and post appropriate responses. Even the mean ones (you know who you are) hoping someday I'll be just a little mean too. The rebel in me. I am finally comfortable here. I am getting comfortable with myself.
Except for the bits and pieces I reveal on my posts, I am uncomfortable going on about my raging circumstances. Don't want to set off the troll alert. For those who want to know more, I am loving PM's and phone calls. The entire free world is hard to share with....if you know what I mean.
OTWO, I'm not thinking this is a good profile, I guess I'll just work on that later. Thanks for encouraging me......