I hope nobody finds this offensive, but I just need to put this out there:
I feel terrible, until I look around for somebody to envy, and there is nobody. Basically, I'm not at all satisfied, settled or happy by any stretch, but here I'm talking to people with JW wives, I don't want to be them, suicides, I've felt bad enough, never actually would do it there's always 'something" to do before you go, I sometimes get in the mood to people-watch and each one I weigh as 'I'd rather be them/have their life" or not, I haven't found ANYBODY that I like more than me or that I think has it better than me (that nobody is better or smarter than me is a given ). That I guess, means I'm happy.
I still feel like I've over-thought myself a bit. Its lonely when you can see everyone else's illusions (worldlings have them too, not just dubs) and you're looking for magic in someone else. Where are all the Lucid people? Finding them, that would be a good day. Today, I'm just wandering around looking at the same old storybook and I don't feel like pretending that I haven't already read it.