What Circumstances Cause Some to Decide to Fade or Disassociate ?

by flipper 25 Replies latest jw friends

  • mosol

    I was planning to fade but the elders were having an impact on my husband and he was treating me very badly as a result of their advice so I felt it was best for him to put closure on the situation, so we sent a letter. I don't know if it was read, we stuck it in an elders door. Witnesses still talk to me on occasion, I asked my old friend if there was an anouncement and she said no. She said she was told not to talk to me. She said she really wanted to read Franzes book but didn't. I'm leaving that situation alone because she smoked and was a heroine and alcohol addict before becoming a witness. Has only been one a few years. She knows it's a cult. Whatever works I say. My marraige is so much better now we're out. We almost divorced over it when first leaving. My husband is a stubborn man but my son Daniel got him to see the light. I thought I would go back now and then, but when I think of the emotional damage they do by refusing to validate anyone who does not worship them I just can't go back in. We both get sick to our stomach's at the thought of it. One of the main reasons I quit was that almost all the families had disfellowshipped children. They were terribly heartbroken. They talked about it constantly in service. An elders wife crying on stage because so many of her kids disfellowshipped. One elders wife said I have no one, to her mother at least you have me. Most of them on medication just to be able to cope. I started hoping that any families that I witnessed to would not come in because they would have to drag their kids to all those meetings and would lose them in the long run. I started to feel sorry for any children that I was seeing at the hall. Knowing that their parents would probably refuse to validate them and reject them if they made the mistakes that teenagers usually make. I knew in my heart that this was wrong. Why did it never occur to me to leave, through all the living hell they put us through, it never occured to us. We just kept moving thinking that it was this congregation, but every one was a nightmare. We went through about 8. Thanks, SOL for getting us out.

  • flipper

    CASPER- One thing about fading quietly like you did - at least you have avoided the hassles and harassment some of us experienced at the hands of the elders in the organization ! I'm glad you've had a peaceful last 10 years sis !

    NikL- That is amazing the elders let you off the hook knowing you read , " Crisis of Conscience " ! Then they told you " just don't share your doubts with others " ? I think you should count your lucky stars you got off easy. It's good your wife accepts your fading status.

    OTWO- I agree with you. My mother is one reason I am somewhat careful about the fade as well. I feel what you say is true - each person has to consider how important certain relations are before making a decision how to go either DAing / or fading. I have been avoided by some witness family members just as a fader - but some family members associate with me , so it's a mixed bag.

    QUIRKY- It sounds like your fade is going pretty well- your wife is not hassling you like you thought she would and somewhat supportive of your stance. I think because your wife hasn't reported your children or yourself in the past - sounds like she will stand by you now ! You even had lunch with an elder and he was mellow ? Wow! Doesn't sound like the elders even have pulses beating in their wrists where you live ! LOL! Lucky you, eh ? You are doing good ! Keep up the one day at a time fade bro !

    CHICKPEA- I'm glad that you have found JWD and it helped you see that the " emperor has no clothes " so to speak and that the Jehovah's Witness organization really is a cult controlling people. A free mind is a terrible thing to waste ! Great comment ! I love that statement !

    HOMEROVAH- I understand your analytical mind because I too am a analytical thinker. I drive people crazy sometimes ! Analyze things to death ! But - your analytical mind helped you see through the fallacy of the WT teachings and that being said , you were still able to leave gracefully from the organization keeping good relationships with witness relatives ! Good job.

    MOSOL- Welcome to the board my friend ! I'm glad you and your husband got out and are happier together now ! I think the witness cult really does contribute to the breakups of marriages actually. I too remember seeing many people treat their teenagers badly in the witnesses when they'd be disfellowshipped ! It truly is awful what the Watchtower society does to families. I saw this in my different congregations as well. I look forward to your input and future posts friend ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper

  • WTWizard

    I decided to fade solely so I could waste their time and energy. They would have to find out what's wrong. And, to make matters worse, I went to two different congregations and started blowing both of them off. I also put in multiple field circus time cards at a time, so they would have to waste time hunting for a card (that isn't there) every month.

    And now, they are going to have to waste even more time trying to reason with me that the world is getting worse, and therefore it is time to go back. I know that things are infinitely worse there than in the world, no matter what specious argument they can come up with. At least out in the world, there is no way I am going to be held back by those Washtowel articles, and I will not waste any time out in field circus or going to boasting sessions. Nor donate any more money to the Worldwide Pedophile Defense Fund.

  • Robert7

    For me a number of issues caused all my beliefs to implode, but the major one was the worship of the WTS and the FDS. Every meeting, so many prayers gave more glory to the FDS than God or Jesus.

  • tooktheredpill

    I agree with Robert7: For me a number of issues caused all my beliefs to implode, but the major one was the worship of the WTS and the FDS. Every meeting, so many prayers gave more glory to the FDS than God or Jesus." I have noticed it a lot. I've been in meetings where they mention "the John class", 'the FDS", "the organization", "Jehovah's organization" dozens of times. And they mention Jesus only in 2 ocassions: The starting prayer and the end prayer... If you're still attending, just do this simple exercise: count them in a piece of paper!! :) TTRP

  • flipper

    WT WIZARD- That was a pretty good plan on your part- turning in multiple time reports ! Hilarious. Bet that really confused the elders. That was good you made it hard for them to pin you down by attending 2 different congregations. I too tried to waste the elders time by involving them in time consuming judicial appeal committee meetings ! But I'm glad I'm out !

    ROBERT 7 - I agree the witnesses do give way too much worship to the WTS and FDS. To them the society is God. They forget God and Jesus.

    TOOK THE RED PILL- That is so true - they talk way more at their meetings about , " the organization this, the organization that " - and hardly mention God and Jesus at all ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper

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