by Princess Daisy Boo 11 Replies latest jw friends
I am tired.
Tired of thinking. Tired of wondering whether every issue or hangup I have as an adult is because of my cultish upbringing. Tired of not having a normal relationship with my mother, father and sister. Tired of ingoring the elephant in the room.
Enough.
I'm tired too.
Me too, Princess. Tired of the drama, tired of the stress, tired of the fights. Just one day of quiet, is that too much to ask?
BUT-the sun is shining, the birds are out, the flowers are blooming and we are free of the cult!!!!!!!
Hang in there honey.
momz
So when does it end? When does it get better?
Does it get better? Or do we just learn to live with it? Therapy is helping me over my hard times. Just talking to her is helpful.
momz
I follow the "one day at a time" motto. It really helps. No anxiety. No unrealistic goals.
Ask yourself ... what things make YOU happy? It's time to give yourself some quality time and recover. Most of us ex-JWs need it. Call it "spiritual healing" or whatever. Give your mind some R&R (rest and relaxation). If you are continuing a "truth" quest, be patient ... it will come to you in time, so don't hurry it.
Try to find peace.
Thanks for the messages Momz and Sacolton. I was feeling very sorry for myself last night but I am a bit better today. Sometimes everything just gets a bit too much!
So when does it end? When does it get better?
Unfortunately, as long as you have family in the organization, it never ends. However, as time passes, and you gain more "worldly" experience, the better most things get. There are holidays to celebrate, friends to make, volunteer work to do, and involvement in community, education, politics, etc., whatever catches your interest.
Princes Daisy Boo - you are in a situation where I doubt it can get better as you can't make that choice as it will effect your relationship with so many people, so you're going to constantly feel like you are in limbo.
I was fortunate enough to be single and have no kid - I could make a clear decision. I don't have to deal with the JW side of things any more. Plus you feel like you've made a stand and you don't have to tolerate that special level of stupidy any longer.
Hang in there.
The thing is that I have been living a life outside the borg for so long - I do have a whole normal life, with good friends, celebrating holidays and so on.
Mostly I can deal with my family, but coming here makes me confront the past, and sometimes it just all gets a bit much. I probably will have to continue living in limbo so that my kids can have a semblance of a relationship with their grandparents.
I confronted my mom with my thoughts a couple of weeks ago and now the whole dynamic of our relationship has changed. I am no longer a lost soul that in time she can guide back. She now knows I have no intention of ever going back. And she agreed never to talk to me about going back as long as I dont talk about my reasons for not going back.
Now we have these small talk conversations where we ignore the proverbial elephant because if either of us mention it, that will be the end. How silly is that!
Anyway, thanks again for your support. I love you guys!
