3 ways out

by Samuel Thorsen 19 Replies latest jw friends

  • Samuel Thorsen
    Samuel Thorsen

    If you are a JW and you want to live a real life you have a choice of 3 ways to get out of there.

    1. To get disfellowshiped.

    2. To disassosiate yourself. (write the letter)

    3. To fade.

    Personally I se no reason to do anything but fade out, it's their rules not mine. But a lot of you see it different.

    So wich way out would you recommend for an unbelieving dub, and why?

  • blondie

    I would try fading out at first. It will give you time to make the necessary financial adjustments, make new friends, research background for your new beliefs to share with family and others before you are shunned. They many not let you just fade and after concerted efforts they may mount a bogus JC. Don't participate in that unless you have an elder or two you want to make a statement before and you know you can control the session. Otherwise, if you have been able to cut the ties and are safe financially and emotionally, some have DA'd themselves. I would recommend printing the letter in the newspaper either by purchase or the editorial page (keeping it short will be necessary).

    Blondie (faded for 7 years, no meetings, DA letter ready if necessary)

  • Sirona

    I agree that fading is best IMO

    I faded and 8 years later they don't bother me (save maybe once or twice asking to meet me which I refused).

    My family can still talk to me.

    I celebrate all holidays, I'm pagan and live with my boyfriend and I'm not DF'd.


  • oompa

    SammyT it could also depend on what you mean by a "real life." Unless you are dying to openly celebrate holidays, and if you had some dub friends you wanted to hang with, you could just go to the meeting about once a month....you know, be a professional slacker. There is also one other option, and it is my favorite if single or with willing wife, and esp if you are not close to family.....move far away and jsut start all over. That is a real adventure and sort of an instant fade.........................oompa

  • Tired of the Hypocrisy
    Tired of the Hypocrisy

    F A D E

    Go out on your own terms. Sure a DA letter will do that, but it can cost you your family. I am fading off into the distance.

  • janemissy

    Hallo all!

    I can only agree with you there, Samuel.

    I've been a fader for almost twelve years now. Nobody in the cong has ever asked me why. Thou I heard from a friend that when my name was mentioned, the "friends" said that I was protected. What ever that means.

    I came into the "truth" only fiftheen years old. 1975. A woman in my neighborhood took me under her wings. All in good meaning, I suppose.

    What made me leave? I could'nt stand why Jehova should be such a bloodthursty God, wanting to destroy almost all human beeings in the world. It was never my understanding of a loving God.

    But i took many years for me to dare leave. Of course, there were other issues as well.

    I've been a lurker on this forum since nov- 06. Did not know any of the chocking stuff about JW before that. Scandals, UN, different learning etc.

    At that time it all came over me like a ton of bricks. Could not stop reading on the net. I think I've read it all, come to think of it.

    Then I got in contact with an apostate forum in Denmark, met a friend, somewhat like my own situation, and it went on and on..

    So, here I am. Bare with me, english is not my native language, being a norwegian.

    I will write more soon.


  • Bonnie_Clyde

    The elders have pretty much left us alone lately. The last couple of times that we met with them we were very polite and nodded and smiled. However, one of Clyde's good friends has "leaked out" that Clyde has friends in high places, implying that he has some powerful attorney friends. We haven't had a visit for about six years.

  • OnTheWayOut

    I highly recommend the fade. Even if you have no JW family ties, you can just walk out
    and never go back. Many family members will still associate with a fader, as long as they
    don't get DF'ed or DA themself.

    Some DA for the finality. They want to have some closure and they want to be left alone.
    That's fine if they must have that. Some want to be DF'ed to make a point to others about
    how the organization treats them. Again, fine. Others get DF'ed because their fade
    wasn't quiet or successful.

    However, many faders have a rough time. They often have to avoid direct evidence of a
    certain lifestyle- holiday decorations, political affiliation, living with a mate, smoking, etc.
    The closer the family, the harder the fade can be.

    My opinion- fading doesn't generally let you keep friends, and doesn't always let you keep
    family. Still, you can try to fade and see what happens. You can't TRY a DA or DF. They
    are tougher to undo.

  • Quirky1

    Currently I am trying to fade. But, due to the circumstances I beleive I will Df'd. My wife has vowed to rat me out if I celebrate the holidays with my UBF.

    I do beleive fading would be the best decision.


  • Samuel Thorsen
    Samuel Thorsen

    Ok. So most of you prefer the fade if possible.

    But a lot of people are still leaving dubland by a DA-letter. Some say it's to take care of their integrity.

    How come? Is a letter to a high control cult really necessary to keep your personal integrity?

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