OK, so I revised the letter mostly becasue of Scottsman... please read

by dawg 21 Replies latest jw friends

  • dawg

    Since our time on this planet is short, I wanted to take a moment and tell you that you were the person that I loved more than any other person in the world. Nothing has made me sadder than the events that have surrounded this last year; events that were years in the making yet in my mind were unavoidable. Sure, I love Mom, my sisters and all the surrounding family, but a father’s admiration is something all sons desire above all others; a bond that’s stronger as all men share the unique burden of being the torchbearer of the family name. I can’t feel regret for doing what I know in my heart was the right thing to do; I only feel regret that it was in direct conflict with what you feel is true and it has destroyed my relationship with you. Yet what man can be told not to act on what their consciences knows is right; I don’t question your heart, and since I own mine, I know my heart has guided me to the correct course of action for me. Please accept my apologies for hurting you; yet I offer none in doing what I feel was the right thing to do, it only saddens me that our relationship has to suffer. Although sometimes my words may sting you, that’s not my intent… but the facts about this case must be presented, I forgive where you’ve hurt me and hope you do the same.

    I know your story Dad, the years you were in a foster home, the father you were never as close to as you desired because of his drinking and criminal activities; you were a man that needed structure, and when your mother accepted the JW religion you accepted it with her as it offered the structure that you had not had in your family unit. You were taught for years and years how to defend the JW religion, and your heart was pure and full of love for God, a god of love that could never burn those in an eternal fire. Jehovah became the father you never had, a stable father that had plan for all his children. Life is hard and religion can provide comfort; yet we as humans must be guided by what we perceive as facts. I understand that you grew up in a different time, information wasn’t as easily available as it is today; yet we have the responsibility as humans to review what we know as facts today even though they can differ from what we perceived a few years back as truthful because our lack of information, the burden relies upon us in life to keep our minds open and review what we know. I’ve tried to do this as much as possible in my life Dad, but you have to be honest with yourself and look inside your own heart when asking yourself that same question. When a group of men tell you that reading information that disagrees with their dictates makes someone an “apostate” towards God, then that group of men have placed themselves in the same position as god; a position where questioning their interpretation of scripture becomes “apostasy” itself. You are an honorable man, but where’s the honor in defending men who are committing blasphemy such as this? You’ve taught me all my life to do the right thing, to stand up for the truth, what was I supposed to do when the facts showed that the truth about these men was that they were false teachers?

    Then there’s the issue of using love as a tool of blackmail… what is a man to do when his conscience is moved by the unavoidable realization that what he’s been taught all his life is void of rationality, yet his own family will basically disown him if he doesn’t conform to what he perceives by all known facts as being false? Was I supposed to live my life as one giant lie? Live my life under the WTBTS yoke just so my family would treat me as always? Make myself a slave to men so my father would continue his association unfettered? Knowing all the while that if I spoke the truth about these men, my father would never talk to me again; So, I waited… As sad as this is to say, I was going to wait until you and Mom has passed this plane until coming out full force; I didn’t want to hurt you as you were getting up in age, so I figured I could wait and speak my mind after you passed. Then George’s funeral came along and I was asked to go to dinner with all of you; did you realize that was the first dinner this family had as one in over 5 years? That’s because I’ve been banned from almost all family gatherings ever since I found out the truth. There that night, it was revealed that my nephew had been recently baptized and he’s only he’s thirteen years old! A slave not to God, but a slave to the WT religion; a mere boy who’s surely not had the time to deeply consider the consequences of his actions; yet what will he do in later years when his family shuns him for discovering the truth about this faith? What will happen to him if his conscience later moves him to no longer be able to teach what the facts will later revel to him as known falsehoods?

    I know what I did, so let me tell you about it and the reasons that I could remain a coward no further and chose to speak out. Let me tell you Dad the consequences of me discovering that my beliefs were now in direct conflict with my family. Every JW I know that has left the faith has almost the same story, the years of depression, the years of mental torture where their lives are fully devoid of love. I don’t want to hear that you loved me all those years, although I know that you did, you damn sure wasn’t there to show it; so there I was, all alone, no friends no family, no support system for the most part. I drank too heavily; I did drugs, considered suicide… all symptoms of almost every ex-JW I’ve ever known. I can’t tell you why someone else does what they do, I can just tell you that I was depressed knowing that I couldn’t live what I know for a fact to be false, and the mental torture this brought was almost unbearable. You and I have had years where we didn’t even talk… 19 years have gone by since I discovered that the JW religion wasn’t true, and each year you’ve brought a steady stream of trying to make me feel guilty for not accepting it and almost comical fundamentalism for defending it. It was hard watching the family that I was brought up in refusing to be reasoned with especially when it was all of you in the JW faith that ignored 1 Thessalonians 21, and refused to make sure. How can you or anyone else in the JW faith actually go directly against what the Bible says by not fact checking, refuse to even talk to someone who openly disagrees with the society when they go against the scripture, and then remove your association from that person while ignoring what they have to say? You do these things and then call it the truth? You in this faith ignore the facts, then call the ones you love names (apostate) then remove association from them so you can ignore all that they have to say? I love you Dad, but the future of this family is my main concern, I know the harm this religion does to a human life as my life has been destroyed by the depression this course of action causes to those you profess to “love”; a person who truly loves someone doesn’t withdraw association call their own son abusive names like ‘fornicator”, and then refuse to listen to what they have to say. I had come to believe that you don’t love me at all; it seems as if you only loved the WTBTS, and would do anything you could to defend them, even if it means destroying your own son-please tell me how I can feel any different when I look back on the last 19 years? That’s what your actions in regards to this belief have done… they’ve made me feel useless, as if whatever I have to say is from someplace evil.

    But none of that’s true and whether you know it or not is inconsequential; my heart and logic must guide me the same as yours must guide you. I’ve come to realize that you are just fooled by the WT tactics, that you wouldn’t do anything intentional that would harm me. But that relinquishes my responsibility to my family not one iota, I cannot bear to have other family members having their lives ruined simply because there’s a faction in this family that refuses to fact check, and then shuns everyone that knows the truth or calls them names after the overwhelming reality of information completely destroys the dubious claims by the WT organization of spiritual guidance. They are men Dad, and I must call a spade a spade. If that makes us enemies then so be it, it’s you that has chosen a side where no one can reason with you, where facts can’t even be presented, where the words of men have become equal to the words of God himself. I honestly don’t care what you believe as long as you treat me as your son; but you won’t even talk to me because I won’t follow these men. You’ve thrown down the gauntlet and I must pick it up. I will stand idly by no longer and allow others in this family to suffer mental slavery to men that have shown a propensity for delirium. How can you in good conscience, ignore what others have to say, call them names, and then say you have the truth? You refuse to fact check what others say about this religion and then shun those that have done their homework. All the while this family suffers; and I’m supposed to be a coward and say nothing?

    I’ll give you one prime example where these men have placed themselves on the platitude of God himself; this week’s WT magazine changes once again the meaning or interpretation of the “generation”. All my life it meant anyone living in 1914; we were assured that this “generation” would not pass away until Armageddon had arrived. That was subsequently changed in the 1996 WT magazine which has now changed yet again this week. Now, please tell me what would have happened if you had figured out they were wrong about this years ago and refused to teach this now known falsehood about the 1914 generation? If you chose to openly preach out against this now known false teaching years previous knowing then that they were wrong? I know for a fact that you’d of been dis-fellowshipped for ‘apostasy”; your family would have discontinued association and you’d of been shunned. I know this is true as you have now resorted to this tactic when dealing with me, you refuse to talk, you refuse to listen, and all lines of communication have been withdrawn. Sad really that you give this power to men!

    So what position was I supposed to take? I honestly don’t know if I handled the whole thing right or not, but I do know that doing nothing was having the results of producing nothing; I could live with that no longer. Sometimes people dissect scripture differently, a man has the right to view things differently that he reads, but other times it’s not just interpretation, its facts that can’t be refuted that come into play. I can’t teach what I know to be false, like the generation of 1914 thing that was mentioned earlier, was I supposed to go out and teach something that was based on what I already knew to be a the false date of 607BC, just because some men in Brooklyn said I must do so to be found worthy of the name “Jehovah’s Witness”? And what does it say about the worthiness of that name itself if known falsehoods must be taught simply so one can defend WT dogma to be worthy of that name? My name has value too, what Charles Huff stands for must be what I perceive to be right given the known facts. In this case the so called Faithful Slave was already proven false, yet I was supposed to associate my good name with men ignorant of ancient history just to tow the party line? I can’t live with that and have to question how you have the gall to do so yourself and yet disassociate your relationship with your son over the same?

    I am the keeper of the name Huff, that name stands for something… my family opposed slavery in the Deep South years ago, long before other families came on board. My family knocked on doors and tried to tell others of God’s love because at the time they were acting on the best information they had. We have nothing to be ashamed of when we are ignorant of the facts, but when presented with new facts that show what we thought previously is in fact false (like 1914); then we have an obligation to the name Huff to make our stand on the side of truth. I’m asking you to do as you’ve always taught me, and come out vocally against this false religion. If you fear men not and love truth you will at least consider my offer. Until then, I will continue in hopes that you’ll at least come to treat me as a son; we may differ on how we view the JW religion, but I am your blood. I refuse to question your motives and will love you regardless of which tactic you chose; I will never questioning your heart which is all I ask in return. Search you heart, study the 607BC issue from literature that’s not only written by the WTBTS; stand for truth, and never stop loving a son that has never given up on you. I love you Dad, may you have peace.

  • besty

    Great letter Dawg - I may adapt parts of it at some point for my mum who is more or less shunning me.

  • R.Crusoe

    I feel deeply moved by your shared experience Dawg!

    It takes something of you as a person to do so - something valuable as who you are!

    It is the same reason I struggle with some of this Eckhart stuff = how he seems so removed from 'past' experiences as to almost render family meaningless!!

    And I say this not because it cannot be utised positively = but because some I know will use it as a way of becoming dismissive and superior - as you knew at the KH. No matter what the advice = some will use it to destroy and hurt others and validate their doing so!

    (The second link is more about an alternative 'take' on the Apocalypse = which is why I put it here) Excuse my off the wall post but I am searching myself whilst trying to see part of your perspective = so likely I will fail (but Que Sera if you will allow me?)



    I hope changes are ahead which bring you even more inner wholeness!


  • Meeting Junkie No More
    Meeting Junkie No More


    That last line in your letter is so powerful - if that doesn't reach his heart, nothing will. I hope your letter has the intended result.

  • scotsman

    Dawg, it's a good letter (if you can describe something this sad as good). But if it's returned without being opened as others have been, I'd still suggest that you send the postcard saying "i love you" as it's very clear from both your letters that despite how hurt you are, you love him. My dad died before I left the JWs and I know he would have behaved just like yours has and I'm kind of relieved that I was spared it.

    All the best at finding closure.

  • Layla33

    Dawg, it's a good letter (if you can describe something this sad as good). But if it's returned without being opened as others have been, I'd still suggest that you send the postcard saying "i love you" as it's very clear from both your letters that despite how hurt you are, you love him. My dad died before I left the JWs and I know he would have behaved just like yours has and I'm kind of relieved that I was spared it.

    All the best at finding closure.

    I agree with this statement above ^^^^. You wrote it, you poured your heart into it, you said what needed to be said, whether he responds or not, let it be part of your path, make peace with the reality of your life, find closure in this situation - no matter how long it may take, and know you have done the right thing.

    One thing I have learned in this life is that we can't walk the path of enlightenment for other people and they can't walk it for us, we just have to "walk it". Find peace within yourself and enjoy this life you have. I wish you well.

  • OnTheWayOut

    This seems less in-your-face than the first draft, yet still just as straight-forward.
    Go Dawg Go. I like it.

  • besty
    My dad died before I left the JWs and I know he would have behaved just like yours has and I'm kind of relieved that I was spared it.

    Ditto for me Scotsman.

    My father dying + me having children of my own = time to stand up for truth.

  • Open mind
    Open mind

    Very nice letter. I hope he reads it.

    I think Scotsman's post card idea is also good as a back up.


  • BabaYaga

    Beautiful. Well done.

    I wish you all the best... I hope he reads it.


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