Never Had Strong Feelings - Did You Experience that as a JW?

by cognac 23 Replies latest jw friends

  • real one
    real one

    Cognac, you are so on point with your questions. I felt the same way. For some reason your feelings are suppressed like a robot or something. you feel like a brick wall. I was reading the Bible today and just started crying. here is what i read:

    Psalm 103

    With all my heart

    I praise the Lord,

    and with all that I am

    I praise his holy name!

    With all my heart

    I praise the Lord!

    I will never forget

    how kind he has been.

    The Lord forgives our sins,

    heals us when we are sick,

    and protects us from death.

    His kindness and love

    are a crown on our heads.

    Each day that we live,

    he provides for our needs

    and gives us strength

    of a young eagle.

    For all who are mistreated,

    the Lord brings justice.

    He taught his law to Moses

    and showd all Israel what he could do.

    The Lord is merciful!

    He is kind and patient,

    and his love never fails.

    The Lord won't always be angry

    and point out our sins;

    he dosen't punish us

    as our sins deserve.

    How great is God's love for all

    who worship him?

    Greater than the distance

    between heaven and earth!

    How far has the Lord taken

    our sins from us?

    Farther than the distance

    from east to west!

    Just as parents are kind

    to their children,

    the Lord is kind

    to all who worship him,

    because he knows

    we are made of dust.

    We humans are like grass

    or wild flowers

    that quickly wither

    to be forever forgotten.

    The Lord is always kind

    to those who worship him,

    and he keeps his promises

    to their descendants

    who faithfully obey him.

    God has set up his kingdom

    in heaven, and he rules

    the whole creation.

    All of you mighty angels,

    who obey God's commands,

    come and praise your Lord!

    All of you thousands

    who serve and obey God

    come and praise your Lord!

    All of God's creation

    and all that he rules

    come and praise your Lord!

    With all my heart

    I praise the Lord!

  • real one
    real one

    missing link says:

    Once you realize that THIS IS IT, then little things become so much more important.

    This ain't it buddy! there is so much more to come. hope to see you there!

  • MisfitMeL

    Looking back on my life, I can say that I have never really had very many strong feelings. There was always this pervasive depression though. I don't know why. I don't think it was entirely due to the fact that I was brought up as a JW, more like a combination of that with bad parenting and a not so happy childhood. I feel depressed thinking about how depressed I used to be! I don't know how I got through all those years feeling numb most of the time.

    I still feel very emotionally stunted and I'm not sure how to go about "recovering". I find it very difficult to express my emotions, especially anger. Sometimes I'm not sure if my feelings of "love" and "affection" are genuine as I find it hard to relate to other people I find that I have to force myself to display reactions that would come easily to others.

  • lonelysheep

    No. I didn't deal with them long enough for my survival mode to kick in.

  • Robdar

    I can't say that I never had strong feelings. I wasn't allowed to verbally express all of them but that doesn't mean I didn't have them.

    I am happy for you that you are finally getting in touch with yourself. I wish you continued success.

  • Tired of the Hypocrisy
    Tired of the Hypocrisy

    Crying at a jw funeral indicates a weak spiritual condition. Since we have to focus only on wt interests, crying would be lack of faith in the soon to come paradise that might keep one from going door to door hawking washtowel and asleep magazines.

  • Hortensia

    depression, that was a pretty strong feeling. Otherwise, emotionally numb.

  • restrangled

    Strong Feelings.????!!!!!!....I have had them for as long as I can remember. They were either beaten out of me as a child or reigned in by elders under the description of discipline......

    I don't even want to go here......I have been numb for years.....had to, to survive this religion. I learned to shut up, keep quiet, lead a second life if I wanted one, and most of all learned how to be NUMB to my own feelings.

    Wailed for about 15 minutes over my brother's death when he was 20. Never cried over my Fathers death....although I have many teary moments ,...and I ignore my own physical pain not wanting to cause disruption for anyone else.

    The WBTS taught girls well. Be quiet, don't be a bother, be a good wife, stay silent. Etc., etc., etc.,

    After leaving at age 17.....somehow, most of it is still ingrained.

    At this point, I have learned to state my opinion, have been the president of a Condo Association, worked for miserable employers and had no fear of fighting them.....and yet....I stay quiet in the strangest areas.....I really don't understand it myself.


  • david_10

    You know, Cognac, that is a very interesting subject that you've brought up. I was raised a witness, and I left when I was around 35-------------about 20 years ago. And all during the time I was active, I puzzled over why I couldn't seem to feel normal human emotions, grief in particular. I thought it was just me....................I thought there must be something wrong with me. It seems now that this phenomenon is just another one of the side-effects of being a witness. I appreciate everyone who has expressed themselves because it all sounds so familiar.

    I recall that there were a couple of over-riding emotions, though. (I don't count depression-----------------------I'm not sure that condition can be called an emotion, although I had plenty of it.) I'm talking about FEAR. Fear of everything: Fear of Jehovah, fear of not doing enough, fear of persecution, fear of the elders, fear of getting "caught" doing_______________________(fill in the blank.) I mean FEAR.

    And GUILT. My god, they somehow could make you feel guilty for taking the air you breathe, and that's not much of an exaggeration.

    I figured it all must be related to the witness upbringing, though, because I've noticed that in the last 4 or 5 years or so, my feelings have normalized a lot-------------------------I can feel sorrow, sympathy, empathy, joy, contentment, and even grief. Just normal feelings. But like restrangled said, the mindset can be hard to dispel once it's ingrained in you.

    Good thread---------Thanks.


  • Fadeout

    david_10: And GUILT. My god, they somehow could make you feel guilty for taking the air you breathe, and that's not much of an exaggeration.

    No exaggeration at all... every breath you take is a breath your sinful behind doesn't deserve, right?

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