Why do I cringe? Why am I still so bitter?

by oompa 19 Replies latest jw friends

  • oompa

    Made my own personal statement by skipping the Memorial, and then went to the next regular ol Sunday meeting with my wife. I tried hard not to pay attention, but still went nuts when the WT said things clearly not in the Bible (which I don't even believe anymore!). So why does this still bother me?

    And I seem irritated all the time about any religious matter. I keep e-mailing my elder/dad quotes from WT and Bible with questions about their falsehoods.....why? As another poster once said "there is no way I could replace the entire social structure my mom and dad are a part of." Yet I keep doing it. I am so much more driven as what they call apostate than I was as a dub....I want to stop.....................oompa

  • R.Crusoe

    Ooompa - i guess it's due to so many castles in the air built for your life by others and as you see each wall tumble you cant help but go mention to those who are building sandcastles as reality how you see them and their ways!

    You see delusion but it is part of your roots and your reality through family - which stops you making a clean break! Its one reason the shunning is so despicable because they quietly regard your new view as effluent and theirs as divine whereas you see it for what it is

    A living delusion and cruel intent on others futures which you know will not cease!!


  • hillbilly

    I takes a while to work the rage out... I get mad about things from time to time...

    Lucky for me I have a mule-like personality... I just lean into the collar and keep working. Sooner or later ya just work through the problems.


  • BurnTheShips
    Lucky for me I have a mule-like personality... I just lean into the collar and keep working. Sooner or later ya just work through the problems.

    I am an ass too. It has its advantages.


  • Dagney


    Happiness and peace is an inside job. I highly recommend reading "New Earth." It helps us understand why we react to things. Once we do, it's easier to stop or control our reactions. This book is a very big help.


  • daniel-p

    I went through a long period of anger where I couldn't hear anything having to do with WT beliefs without getting upset. Now I just sort of shake my head and try to forget about it.

  • Layla33

    Oompa I would be bitter as you know what if I had to sit through even one JW meeting. Once you realize it's lies and hypocrisy, you want to cease and desist activity and when you can't, you are liable to be a pretty bitter, unhappy person. Which is why I tell people, if you don't like it, don't go...

  • oompa

    Interesting, today I had lunch with an old df'd friend (divorced) and he told me hix ex-wife is wanting to get back in JW after 5 years out...he has been out 4. He told me "I did not want to discourage her, but I had to ask her WHY, why now after 5 years?" Well it was mainly for family, but he did not understand the delay if that was it. But all l I could think of was "Geeze Stan, why the heck would NOT want to discourage her....her and everyone else thinking of being with this bunch?" I think I may have a bit of an obsession issue......................oompa

  • kzjw

    I feel your pain, even as an UBM...I did find some solice in reading "Captive of a Concept". It gave me peace in knowing that my wife is honestly believes that she is doing God's will by preaching. Like you, I just wish she knew that she's a victim of the WTBS. Most of my anger is directed at them. Try to remember as an elder, he's just doing what they say. I did battle with my wife's elder by email for week, and ultimately we came to an understanding that we're not that far apart, of course he's been the one assigned to bring me into the fold, but we honestly respect each other and I find that surprising(he is open to reading more than just WT pubs & the NWT) "Captives" may help put you in a frame of mind that will allow you to connect with your elder dad...Good luck!

  • wings

    The last meeting I sat through was over a year ago. At that point the camel's back had been broken a dozen times. I barely made it out of the hall without doing the monkey scream dance while pulling my hair out running for my life from Jason, (isn't that the chainsaw guy?). Anyway, my emotions were memorible. The meeting wasn't.

    I have been out of it for about 10 months now. The only time I truely get angry is when one of my family members gets hurt. Which happens all too often.

    I'm glad you have this site. I admire your decission to stick with your family. I stayed too long without a place like this to help me process the craziness of it all. I ran out of ability. I hope you don't.


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