We believe what we want to believe or what we are able to believe. I hear the word sometimes and have doubts about what is being said. I found this to be so when i studied with jw also but as you know there is no tolerence for doubts. This is sad because you know everyone cant possibly believe every word that falls off the lips of the brothers. To voice these doubts point to apostacy instead of curiosity.
I believe only what i am able to believe. isnt everyone like that? no need to feel guilty for your feelings. i think exploration of those feelings is in order.