Why do I cringe? Why am I still so bitter?

by oompa 19 Replies latest jw friends

  • real one
    real one

    We believe what we want to believe or what we are able to believe. I hear the word sometimes and have doubts about what is being said. I found this to be so when i studied with jw also but as you know there is no tolerence for doubts. This is sad because you know everyone cant possibly believe every word that falls off the lips of the brothers. To voice these doubts point to apostacy instead of curiosity.

    I believe only what i am able to believe. isnt everyone like that? no need to feel guilty for your feelings. i think exploration of those feelings is in order.

  • flipper

    OOMPA- Yeah, it takes time to get over the bitterness. Try to read different books when you are by yourself , away from the wife. Perhaps , " Combatting Cult Mind Control"by Steve Hassan. After I read this book it helped me do away with some anger I felt - it helped me to see that anybody could have been duped by " mind controlling " cults. It helped me ease up on myself - all the while enabling me to feel sorry for rank and file witnesses , actually have compassion for them - as they don't even know they are being deceived.

    Perhaps you might pick and choose discussions with your elder father, carefully , so it doesn't give him ammunition for your wife to rag on you more about the witnesses. It gets better in time friend. I've been out 4 and a half years now and although occasionally I still get angry over injustices I see- I try to focus my energies in helping others who have gotten out , or help some get out. Stay busy friend ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper

  • greendawn

    If I recall well you left recently so it's not surprisingly that you are still stuck mentally to some extend in this religion. Eventually it will become like a storm in the far distance as you develop new interests and relationships outside. It happened to many, a few or even many wasted years in a useless religion.

  • Ruth Eeker
    Ruth Eeker

    I totallly relate.

    I"ve been out 3 years and I am stilll so angry and get upset regularly. I will admit, jdub family are a constant source of trouble and unpleasant reminders.

    I too ask the same questions as you do.....at least we are not alone.

    I will admit each year gets slightly easier/not as painful.

    Bitterly yours,
    Ruth ;)

  • WTWizard

    That is one thing I never had a problem with. Every time they saw anyone I was drawn to, they wrenched me away. And now there is no one left to tempt me to go back--I don't want to go back to .

    I have, therefore, decided to not go back. That's what they get for wrenching me away from everyone I am attracted to, to keep me celibate and groom me for the Value Destroyer Training School.

  • Hope4Others

    I would think it hard not to be bitter, for you are trying to keep things up

    for appearance sake, because they still have influence over your family and your

    burning desire is to free them from the control. Am I close????


  • LouBelle

    worth with and through what you are feeling - I know I felt robbed of my youth - 28 years captured and only 3 free. I felt angrey and kept doing the same, would tell anyone willing to listen that the WT was built on lies, that religion is out to decieve. Eventually I said all I had to say, now I just view them as another religion and have made my peace about it. I've accepted that is what I went through and thank goodness I made my stand.

    Perhaps because you are in a situation that is a constant reminder. I have nothing to do with the faith at all - you don't have that luxury - so either have to accept that you still have ties and work with it or you make your final stand and try deal with those consequences - and there are probably other choices out there too.

  • DublDipd

    I always enjoy reading your posts Oompa.

    My personal experience with leaving the jw's went through several phases. Hopefully, it will help you:

    1. Guilt; I was so sinful and just generally BAD. 2. Anger; I hated those assholes. 3. Bitterness; I wanted revenge. 4. Apathy; I felt sorry for the poor bastards. 5. Ambivalence.

    So far, it has been a 17 year journey. Just achieved ambivalence about a couple of years ago. Damn, those jw's really screwed us up huh?

  • boyzone

    Yeah thats right DublDipd

    I've been disassociated a year now and the anger can be extreme at times. But on some days I just don't care what they think of me. Guess it depends what sort of day I'm having...

    Expect to go through the whole gammut of emotions oompa, anger being one of the most prominent for a while. Don't try and bury the feelings but find a safe place to let off steam.

    There have been several days when I've parked inches from the KH gates in my 4x4 with my foot on the gas revving the engine ready to plough through. I was SO angry that my only thought was hurting them the way they've hurt me (the KH was empty at the time, just wanted to damage something) It was my eldest son on the phone who managed to talk me down.

    I don't recommend doing that but it might give you an idea how bad it can get.

    I know you don't want to feel like you do but its natural, you are gonna get angry! You gotta talk.

  • AK - Jeff
    AK - Jeff

    You have discovered that your entire world was, in reality, FantasyLand with a Dub twist of everlasting life attached.

    Most cannot expect to just 'drop it' - I couldn't. Four years out, and I still want to march into the KH and demand that these people listen to the foolishness of what is being taught. I still can't give up on the idea that these former associates must be able to see what I have seen - but they don't -and they won't.

    Time is the great healer.


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