Having a Baby......?

by LouBelle 39 Replies latest jw friends

  • Carmel

    Can't help ya hon! The old vas deferens are in a knot! carmel

  • free2think
    3. Find someone who wouldn't mind helping me in this cause (someone I know of course), but doesn't have to be in the childs' life if they didn't want too.

    Oh and i meant to say earlier, i got me one of those.

  • aligot ripounsous
    aligot ripounsous


    If you can make it, I would advise to wait so that you can find a suitable partner, there's nothing like Mom and Dad to give a child a balanced rearing. Wish you the best. BTW, I was quite intrigued by your spirit experiences.

  • potentialJWconvertswife

    Lou- you do still have plenty of time for the biological child, but there are many children who are waiting for a parent to love them NOW. If you can adopt, I say go for it! I don't know what the laws are like for adoption in your country, but it may be easier for singles there. If you have a supportive extended family you probably have some good male role models there. You may find that once you have a child another could be soon behind...surprise! It happens all the time. Hope you have a wonderful family, and don't give up on finding a life partner and true father for your kids. -Potential

  • avishai

    #3.....But none of that "does'nt have to be in the childs life stuff..."
    C'mon over!! I've got one already, you're smart, smokin' hot....I think we could work somethin' out!!

  • AGuest

    I am probably gonna get in trouble for responding (I usually do, when it's something like this), BUT with regard to the statement that:

    there's nothing like Mom and Dad to give a child a balanced rearing

    I have to vehemently disagree. Women have been raising children alone almost since the beginning of time. Their men have died, been killed in war, run off, become incapacitated, you name it. And some men have successfully raised children alone, too. At the same time, there are... and have been... a LOT of "messed up" folk who had "a Mom and a Dad." Some were messed up BY the dad... and/or the mom... of both. A mother/dad situation does not necessarily a happy family make.

    The TRUTH is that it doesn't matter how many parents a child has: one, two, twenty. What matters is that such parent(s) love(s) that child... and that the child KNOWS it is loved. Without doubt; without question. I emphasize the last part, because most parents DO love their children; it is when the child does not perceive that love that things often go awry. Thus, it is up to EACH parent, individually, and if part of a pair or more (and "more" is usually manifested in the form of stepparents), collectively, to ensure and KNOW that that child knows it is loved.

    All too often and the world over children are considered a nuisance, an inconvenience, perhaps even a burden (sigh!). That occurs because the parent(s) somehow FORGOT that the child didn't bring itself into this world or into their lives, but it was their OWN act, whether intercourse, insemination, or adoption, that brought that child into their lives (and I exclude situations where, say, family is caring for the children of other family members). People want to have sex. And unless there's been a castration, vasectomy, tubal ligation, hysterectomy, etc., there's a 50/50 chance a child will be conceived when you have sex. Yes, even if one is on contraception: even if it is deemed to work 99% of the time, anytime one has sex COULD be that 1% time. You take the chance. I digress.

    Dear LouBelle, because you are the age of my daughter, who is also unmarried, childless and thinks along these lines from time to time, I will say the following to you, just as I have said it to her:

    NO ONE can or should tell you what to do here. This is a huge LIFE decision, your's and ultimately the child's, so that ONLY you can or should make it. Because, ultimately, ONLY you will be responsible for that child. None of us are going to be there at the 2am feedings, the 3am vomiting, and the 4am visits to the emergency that you will have to undertake. In this case, we most probably also won't be there, either, for the first steps, the first tooth, first grade, first (bad?) report card, first love, and first grandchild. ALL of these come with parenting... and all bring with some kind of agony and some kind of ectasy. IMHO, the latter far outweighs the former.

    I would only say to you that IF you decide to take this on, and do so without someone to provide a decent "father figure" then know that you have to take on that role, too, that it will be YOUR responsibility to show that little boy how to be a decent man, one who respects himself and others, particularly women, which you can show by always BEING a woman he can respect. Or, should it be a girl, vice versa - it will be YOUR responsibility to show that little girl how to be a decent woman, one who respects herself and others, particularly men, which, along with the things you would do to show a son respect for women, you can show by respecting men yourself.

    You must know, however, that you cannot rightfully rely on and expect others to help (although they might help, true), because raising the child will not be their responsibility. The choice was yours. Thus, any help others provide should only be "icing on the cake," simply an addition to what you are already doing. But then, you already know this, don't you? Otherwise, all I would offer is that whatever you decide, may JAH bless, and if you need ME... all you need do is call.

    I said these things to my daughter, and I say them to you.

    I bid you peace.

    YOUR servant and a slave of Christ,


  • kurtbethel

    Tell ya what....

    Go in for half of my airfare from California and I will do what I can for ya!


  • BurnTheShips


    Listen to these meatheads...

    I've got one, and I couldn't conceive not of being there for another one in mind body and spirit.

    Any man that will make a child of his body and be OK with not being there for him/her has genes you'd be better of without.


  • Sad emo
    Sad emo

    Hi Lou

    How about fostering? I don't know how it works where you are but here you can be either a short-term or long-term foster carer - you get paid for fostering here too not that this should be the reason for fostering of course!

    I'm thinking maybe you could foster and then if Mr Right comes along, you are in a position to consider together what to do in the future.

  • LouBelle

    I'm going to be taking my time with this decision, because whether adoption or my own, having a baby is a life changing thing.

    Casper: Thank you for that - I do have a lot of love to give.

    aSpherisnotaCircle: The thought of adoption is also very appealing to me

    BurnTheShips: The process of adoption is a lot easier here in South Africa, as we have many many orphins that are in need of families, especially our black community.

    tnangel: my mum brought me up as well and she is an awesome women, wouldn't change it for the world. You keep going.

    lonelysheep: Have you thought of adoption or going for treatment?

    Layla: You are right - our countrys' children are in great need.

    Nowman: I'll keep the fire of hope burning....just in case.

    momz: oh we have tons of men in my family - all a little crazy! Plus I know my brother would be over the moon to be an uncle.

    FreeToThink: You rock & thanks

    Carmel: can we unknot them?

    Aligot: Would love to have a dad in the picture, but if there isn't one....what can a girl do.

    Potential: Adoption is sounding very good to me. I can help a child who is in need.

    Avishai: so you reckon I should start planning a trip to the USA. What state you in again

    Aguest: Words of wisdom!!

    kurtbethel: Do you have dark hair? and do you think you could handle the heat of SA?

    SadEmo: I actually hadn't even thought of that! That is a very good idea. Will look into that. It will also help me to see if I am "mom" material.

    I think my next step is to go visit a couple of childrens' homes. Get involved with some projects and be surrounded by these children. See how that goes / feels. As time goes by I'll give an update.

Share this