by joelbear69 11 Replies latest jw friends

  • joelbear69

    I am quite insane.

    I am able to function only because of medication.

    What has driven me insane?

    Fear and doubt. Fear and doubt about myself. Somehow
    this was instilled in me at a very young age and has
    eaten away at my brain for 50 years.

    Guilt. Guilt over deceiving my parents by telling them
    that I actually believed what the JW's taught.

    Loneliness. I cannot feel love. I just can't. I can
    feel love for others, but I don't feel it back.

  • BurnTheShips

    Have you tried anything besides meds?

    Have you gotten professional counseling to try to get to the root of your problems and make peace with it?

    The meds may only be treating the symptoms.


  • nvrgnbk

    It sounds like you're a human being that's been hurt and damaged, like we all are, to a greater or lesser degree, joel.

    I wish you the best.

    The fact that you're talking about your feelings is really positive.

    You're not alone.

  • dawg

    Joelbear... WTF? I hate you're feeling that way... I think I'll call you now.

  • dawg

    I've left you two messages... call me if you need to talk.

  • jaguarbass

    You need to reprogram your brain, with positive affirmations and positive thoughts.

    It's up to you from here on in what you put in your mind.

    You could try going to an AA meeting and instead of saying to yourself you are a recovering alcoholic you say to yourself I am a recovering J W. That worked for me.

    You could self hypnotize yourself with positive affirmations.

    When I left the troof I spent 15 years dabbling in Christianity. Now I am on the fringes of atheism. I dont recomend being on the fringes of atheism if you are mentally unstable. I suspect atheism make someone like me more mentally unstable.

    I would recomend reading things by Norman Vincent Peale, I found him comforting back in the day.

    Also your Erroneous Zones by Dr. Wayne Dyer.

    I hope some of what I say helps. That religion has driven me to the edges of insanity and it is a constant battle for me even 27 years after I escaped the Tower. Good luck.

  • OnTheWayOut

    If you cannot feel the love that concerned people have for you, then
    at least enjoy their company and try to feel their concern.

    It's better than the phoney love that JW's show to other JW's.

  • flipper

    JOELBEAR - I'm so sorry you are down . You are among friends here. Friends who care. I will PM you my number, perhaps we can talk

  • real one
    real one

    i hope you get some counseling

  • R.Crusoe

    If you think of yourself as insane you simply recognise that your reality is flawed whilst others think theirs is not!

    You have the truth and they are deluded!

    But your reality is an unhappy one because it also knows, in its heart, rejection and lovelessness!

    So how to cope?

    Coping mechanisms need finding and ones which may change because its a trial and error experiment with yourself!

    Sorry to sound so clinical but that's what it is! And you've realised that's what most organisations have been doing with you anyhow! So doing it for yourself doesnt come naturally and even will seem contrived or meaningless at times if not all the time.

    I think your desire is to search for like minds you can spend quality time with! Whether this occurs is uncertain and not to be rushed or expected! Simply let your pathway take its course and familiarise yourself with the long wait, not for Armaggedon, but for where these people may be or where your life is being taken by an informed position in the natural world you have been placed in.

    Do not seek certainty but greet what comes your way, whether it be emptiness or otherwise, with curiosity and patient activity.

    It is a journey of its own which you did not anticipate, but at last it is your own, however lonely!

    I have lots to say about maybe why, but for now the above is possibly more than enough?

Share this