when every single person you know is a witness, how do you leave? has anybody here left, and had nobody on the outside. Because that's where I would be.
How do you leave?
by helenhall 32 Replies latest jw experiences
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nomoreguilt
Ya just gradually faaaaaaaaaaaade away into the sunset.........No big shoot out, no DA, don't screw up and get df'd. Just let them think what they will about it. It's your business move away, don't let the new local jw's know who you are. No accountability. Just tell your family that you are in a crisis.
NMG
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oldflame
For everyone it is different. I just left, just never went back. I got up one day and said to myself I was never going back again and I did just that. But for some they prefer to fade as the shunning they get from leaving is to much to handle. So it depends on you and how you feel comfortable.
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jwfacts
Build up a social circle on the "outside" before you leave. This can be done through school, work, clubs or your local pub. If you are gregarious it takes a couple of years to have enough friends to feel comfortable loosing all your JW friends. If you are shy it can take a lot longer.
It is very difficult at first. I felt like an alien, as if from another world looking in and not really understanding what people thought, talked about or liked. Then as I fit in much of what I talked about was religion and my JW experience, which made me feel like a circus freak - "wow, look at the exJW, none of his friends and family talk to him." It is 8 years since I started to fade and build up friends and 2 years since I was d/f. I have a lot of friends as close as any of my JW friends were. However, I still feel somewhat odd compared to everyone else, and people make comments that I am nice but unusual. I think it will take many more years for the JW culture totally wears off.
I have caught up with a lot of exJWs that I grew up with, which really helps. Most raised as JWs leave the religion, so you most likely have some long lost JW friends that you can now talk to again as well. It is good as you do share a common upbringing, memories and relate well to each other.
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Eliveleth
Helen,
My husband and I left the WT after being it for almost 50 years. We had no friends outside of the organization.
Because my husband had been an elder from the time he was 17 years old (they called them servants at that time)
until he stepped down in 1981, they would not just let us leave because of the influence we might have on other
JWs. They called us to a Judicial Committee and disfellowshipped us as "apostates". We had to start all over
making friends of our neighbors and in other places. We joined a bowling league and found new friends.
If I were you, as has been mentioned above, start making friends now and then just gradually stop going to meetings.
I think that is good if they will let you.
Here is our story: www.geocities.com/veliveleth
Love and hugs,
Velta
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R.Crusoe
Definitely quietly make friends on the outside and explain your position to them if you wish so they understand you!
Build and 'feel' a new life! When you are ready to fly do so!
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helenhall
thank you all, good advice. i like the advice about making friends on the outside first. I have been thinking about doing this for sometime, and have had opportunity, but so inbred is the belief that worldly people are wicked, that i continue to hold back. If you have ever seen Toy Story, I feel like Buzz Light Year, when he takes off his helmet and starts to panic thinking he wont be able to breathe, because he believes that space suit really does something. Well thats the panic I feel in the world and the organisation acts like my space suit, if you get the metaphor!
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IP_SEC
when every single person you know is a witness,
Yep that was me. Made new friends, THEN, gave them my letter of resignation. It really is easier than you think.
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choosing life
It's tough. It takes a long time and a lot of adjustments. I am still in the process after a few years. I do think it best to just fade into the background. You need to try and make some friends on the outside first, if possible.
I thought my non-jw extended family would help make up the gap. Didn't work out so well. I think it takes a long time to overcome the mind control when you are dealing with close family that are still in. It's kinda like living in two separate worlds.
Take your time and explore other ways of thinking. I didn't realize how entrenched the "jw think" had become. I am still finding their tendrils and trying to extract them from my life. Time is your best friend. Get to know yourself again. I was "missing" for decades.
Wishing you the best. choosing life
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exjdub
Helen, As Oldflame mentioned, it is different for everyone. My wife and I just stopped even though everyone we knew were JW's...including family. By the time we left we were so fed up with our "Brothers" and "Sisters" and the overwhelming "love" from the Organization that we didn't care if we saw anyone again. Just prior to leaving I was a mini servant and had seen enough of the underbelly of the "Truth" to know that it was not the truth. That being said..we had each other and we had our two daughters and we had always been a very close family, so although it was painful to tear away from our support system, we at least had each other. We ended up moving to Florida and that helped some too as we did not have constant reminders of our life in the "spiritual paradise". Just driving by the Kingdom Hall back then was agitating and brought a lot of negative feelings.
I would like to be able to say that leaving was not painful at all, but that wouldn't be truthful. It was very painful, however when I look back I see that the pain was necessarry in order to heal and leaving was the best thing that we ever did. Now when I look back on it I realize that the support system that we had in the Org was not a support system at all, but rather was a prison. The supposed support system was full of people that were not happy unless they were dragging other people down and causing pain.
There is not a day that goes by that I am not grateful that we were able to escape. I see now that the pain was nothing compared to the happiness that I feel now. Just for the record, my wife and I have been married for 26 years and we are happier now than we ever were as JW's. Part of the healing for us was the need to get involved with people again...but this took a long time. We isolated for a few years and were very distrustful of people, but then that is not uncommon for most people that leave a cult like the JW's. It was important to us to re-engage with people and we got involved with our community and made new friends. I hope you start your journey out of the JW's. Like most things worth doing, there will be pain...but it is pain with a purpose and will be well worth it. I wish you peace on your journey.
exjdub