To soon to hope?

by Wendy_Warden 17 Replies latest social relationships

  • Wendy_Warden


    I think you have the wrong attitude here and have just a wee bit of feeling superior. What makes you think that your religion is so much better? Quit worrying about his soul. There's nothing wrong with it.

    Also, if you loved him, you wouldn't be trying to change him. You have to love the person warts and all. Sounds to me like you are doing this for Jesus and not for your man.

    I don't feel superior so much as frustrated with people who just give up. If I didn't love him than I wouldn't be bothering with someone in the WT. I don't wish to change his personality in anyway, but help him see that the WT is a cult. Your statement about loving someone and not changing them is also ridiculous considering the situation. It isn't changing someone to open their eyes to a truely dangerous lifestyle which the WT is. And I fell in love with this guy before I knew he was a JW.

  • OnTheWayOut

    Wendy, I was always a bit of a pessimist. I have had to learn differently.
    Strong feelings get involved, we cannot just expect people to drop them.

    You are willing to endure some personal pain before "just dropping" this fellow.
    You have been here a long time and haven't rushed into something that will
    ultimately be doomed from the start, so you have some level-headedness.

    I think it's a bit harsh that some here are treating you like a lovestruck newbie who
    wants to make it work with the guy no matter what. I don't get that vibe from
    you at all. You are reporting a successful conversation and sharing your hopes.
    I wish you well in that endeavor.

    It's not exactly the same, but similar for me- I love my JW wife dearly. I don't wish
    to change who she is, but wish to help her out of the cult. Many posters will say
    to move on and forget this guy, but they are just being practical and not thinking
    about love.

  • lisavegas420

    I so love a happy ending...keep us posted. Good luck.


  • carla


    Please don't take offense here, you have to remember that there is probably a thread like yours once a week or so. Yes the jw's are a cult. How much research have you done about cults, thought reform, mind control, etc....? I am not a jw, never been, my husband joined up a few years back. I too thought if he could just see the scriptures as they really are without the wt glasses he would come to his senses, that didn't work. Those that say all you need is the Bible have never dealt with a jw. Then I tried the scandals, that didn't work. I have tried nearly every method possible (including Hasaan's). You underestimate the power the wt has over it's members. It doesn't matter what crazy thing thing the wt comes out with as long as its all for jah the members will blindly follow along because they and they alone are led by God. Think you can compete with God? What? its not run by God? prove it. In order to prove it you will have to actually voice your opposition to the fds which makes you an opposer and he will ask if you have been talking to 'apostates' which in turn will shut his brain down and he will get the glazed look of every jw when they must defend the wt. The circle for you begins, round and round you will go.

    You may decide you can live with his jwism and choose to spend your life with him. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink, you can plant the seeds..... If you live with a jw here is how it goes, the org comes first! no matter what, the wt will decide his clothing and hair cut and of course facial hair even if it would hide some horrible defect, the wt will decide which movies, books, games and entertaiment is allowed in your house, the wt will decide your intimate sexual life, the wt will decide how much time your lovely husband is allowed to spend with you if choose not to go to meetings to be 'together' at the cult meetings, they may decide your vacations as well, if the convention is some distance for you your hubby may want to use his vacation time to go and of course the wt decides what hotel you can stay in, should you have children the wt will decide if they live or die should they need blood, your spouse needs a tetnus shot? he may procrastinate because he doesn't know if it is allowed or not and decide to play it safe and not get it, Do you get the idea yet what your life will be like with a man who has handed his brain over to a dangerous and deadly cult yet?

    You needn't give up hope but people here are just trying to make you aware of what you are in for if you get involved with him. How is it you fell for him and didn't realize he was a jw to begin with? Because he's such an upfront an honest kind of guy? By the way, nobody has mentioned 'theocratic warfare' to you yet. Jw's are allowed and even encouraged to lie to non jw's when they feel it is necessary. We non jw's are not worthy of truth. Think your hot honey is above that? think again.

  • hotchocolate

    I don't quite agree with some of the posters on this.

    If a witness is willing to date and perhaps marry a "worldly" person, that person is obviously a "weak" witness and is going to be more likely to think outside the box.

    Certain methods of argument might get through to him, but a direct attack is without doubt not one of them. If you are attempting to undermine his faith with this method, do yourself a favour. STOP NOW. There are much smarter ways to do it. When I have more time I'll start a thread with my ideas on this. :-)

    Good luck.

  • ZeroZen

    I have a hard time understanding why JWs do not question the teaching of the WT. Do they find it comforting that they will not suffer in paradise? It seems like many people on JWD who were brought up JW have managed to stay out how do you do this? Do you ever feel you need to go back? I guess I should read Hassons Book for more information.

  • Maddie

    I wish you all the best Wendy but something I had to learn the hard way is that we can't actually change anyone. The only person we have the power over is ourselves.


  • crazy

    I have been where you are, was head over heels in love with a guy who had very recently left the JWs. I went through a lot of pain, finally managed to move on, and now I have met my future husband, who is a dedicated Christian like myself. God has a plan for you, He only wants the best for you, and He has the right man lined up for you. You just need to trust Him.

Share this