Mr. Flipper's Conversation over Coffee w/ JW Daughter - Mixed Results

by flipper 28 Replies latest jw friends

  • flipper

    It is truly amazing the varied emotions I've felt since my JW daughter has been talking to me after not talking to me for 9 months . So she agreed to meet me for coffee and see me for the first time in 9 months Tuesday. Everything went fine for about 40 to 45 minutes - she had her non cult personality going , very friendly . We talked about family stuff, her older brother , camping trips , fishing. I asked how the economy was affecting her and her husband . She stated she would love to spend more time with me and Mrs. Flipper to get to know her more as well.

    I was determined to follow some of you folks advice and just have a nice father , daughter coffee experience without talk of the witnesses. Then , unknown to me , I triggered something in her. I said, " It would sure be nice to have you and your husband to the house sometime for a barbeque . " She said, " Well Dad, I don't know if my husband would be comfortable with that . " I asked, " How come ? " She said , " You don't encourage me to pursue the ministry work or encourage me or him spiritually ! You dwell on the negative about the organization, not the positive ! " I replied, " I haven't said anything about the witnesses today . We have talked of family things . And when I mentioned things the other night , it was news reports I thought you should be informed about. " She replied , " Dad, you raised me in the witnesses , you were my mentor, teaching me the truth growing up. " I replied back, " But daughter Flipper , I also taught you to have an inquisitive , questioning mind , and challenge ideas if they did not harmonize with the Bible ! " I continued, " I was told that by a friendly elder years ago , that people in the truth will give you all kinds of advice - see if their advice matches what Jehovah says , and if it doesn't , throw it away . So , when I see the societies mishandling of the child abuse scandal , I'm examining it like the elder advised me to do. It's not the way Jehovah would handle it. "

    We moved to a seat outside as people inside were watching , and my witness daughter wanted more privacy so as not to " attract attention " to our discussion. She told me , " Dad , it would just sometimes be easier if you were disfellowshipped , then I wouldn't have to deal with this. " I said jokingly, " Thanks alot ! " She stated she understood how hurt I was by the elders in the past , and that they are imperfect , and that she knew I hurt as well from what we talked about the other night about the mishandling of child abuse. Then out of her mouth came a " cult like " classic statement. She said, " You know Dad, none of us deserve to live at all. " My mouth dropped open , and I said , " What ! ? " As she repeated it she kind of smiled and broke out of her cult grip for a brief second , looking at me like ( Wow! I just said that ? ) almost like she knew it was a weird statement. Then her eyes and eyebrows got intense again and the cult mentality took back over . She said, " Dad, we were born in sin , and are inherently bad, Jesus died so we could be acceptable to God. It's only a free gift that we get life at all. " Then I said," My daughter, we do deserve to live. God wants us all to live.He wants us to be happy . "

    Then she got teary eyed and said," Dad , do you know how much I love you ? " And I said, " Yes I do. Do you know how much I love you sweetie ? " I replied back . She said, " Yes, I do. " I then told her how proud I am of her that she is a caring person trying to help people the best way she knows how , and that I was proud she is my daughter. That cheered her up some . She had told me an elder from my area had given a talk in her congregation 30 miles away , and she told him I have issues with the child abuse scandal. (These elders have never known me here as I have never attended where I live here . I attended over 4 years ago 90 miles away. ) She said the elder was nice and said, " Well, we all have issues . It's understandable. Perhaps we could talk with him. " So, I told her I would be willing to talk with the elder to share my concerns about the child abuse scandals. Now before ya'll go thinking I would ever do something insane like ( return ) NEVER ! perish the thought, I'm basically trying to show my daughter that I'm willing to stand up for what I believe in , and I'm not intimidated by the elders. I've told her I'm not going to go to meetings- so I don't give her false hope.Believe me I know how to handle elders.

    Anyway, the poster On The Way Out , I'd like to thank gave me some good advice ! I took him up on it today . I wrote a nice card to my daughter saying how good it was to see her , and share good times again. I repeated how proud I am of her and the kindhearted woman she has become in her giving nature. I stated I would not bring up any negative things I hear in the media - unless she asks me questions about things. I stated that we will just talk about family things , we won't talk about controversial things. I stated my wife and I both love her and her husband and with the nice weather coming, looking forward to camping, and fishing ! So, I sent the card today , it should help ! Thanks OTWO . So, I'm not getting too down about her " cult mind " because I know I'm in this for the long haul , to keep trying with her, but I'm not getting too up either that we are talking again. I'm keeping my emotions even keeled and balanced , I love her to pieces, but I'm willing to be patient and take my time ! I welcome your comments friends. Any advice is welcomed , and thank you all so much for your love and caring . So tell me what you think. Any suggestions on how to proceed from here ! ? Peace out to you all, Mr. Flipper

  • Layla33
    Then she got teary eyed and said," Dad , do you know how much I love you ? " And I said, " Yes I do. Do you know how much I love you sweetie ? " I replied back . She said, " Yes, I do. " I then told her how proud I am of her that she is a caring person trying to help people the best way she knows how , and that I was proud she is my daughter. That cheered her up some

    Flipper, you are a wonderful father, I got teary just reading that. Just be patient, if she is anything like you, she will open her mind up. Showing her love and support means so much to children, no matter what age.

    You are GRADE A in my book.

  • OnTheWayOut

    Even though Mr. Flipper would love to free his daughter from the cult, having regular
    father/daughter relations without his bringing up negative anti-JW stuff will do a world
    of good and not promising to bring such things up would most likely get them to go
    back to a non-relationship.

    She will be able to see that Dad is a normal intelligent person and not a fire-breathing
    apostate. If she moves toward being ready to question the WTS, she will bring up the
    subjects when she is ready.

    Mr. Flipper is a wonderful easy-going guy. He can raise the issue of child abuse cases
    within the organization without giving enough blatant information to cause a JW to
    gather a reason to disfellowship him. I don't know how he does it. If that were not the
    case, he should never speak with the elders. I am bitter and could not watch my tongue
    well enough. I would never agree to speak with an elder. Mr. Flipper could do it.

  • 4mylove

    I'm so proud of you. I hope all goes well. Sounds like you daughter has the potential to see and a very big heart.

    Good luck Mr Flipper!


  • dinah

    Mr. Flipper, this has to be rough on you. I sincerely hope things work out for the best.

  • spanteach

    Mr. Flipper, will you be my new dad? We could bask together in father-daughter non-going-to-meetingness. And I love coffee!! A friend gave me a coffee grinder and French press for my pagan birthday :D

  • Casper

    ((((Hugs)))) to you Mr. Flipper...

    I am so glad you two were able to get together and talk. Just being able to tell each other that you love each other face to face is worth a lot.

    Who knows down the road they just might surprise you and stop by. I certainly hope so.



  • restrangled

    Hey Mr. Flipper~

    Just saying hi and hope all goes well with your beloved daughter....

    I hope you are able to speak your mind and still be respected as the loving father you are.

    How I would love to have my father I would love to make up for lost time when he left the JW's . I have so much I would have talked to him about. He died at age 64.

    Take care....Time waits for no one!


  • Barbie Doll
    Barbie Doll
    She replied , " Dad, you raised me in the witnesses , you were my mentor, teaching me the truth growing up. "

    Your Daughter is trying to get you back in JWs she misses you so much. This is what she is hopping for.

    Flipper---- I think your Daughter and you are so much alike. You are trying to get her out and she is trying to get you back.

    You are going to have to really work on this and I hope you will win. You are older and more mature, you have a better chance.

    So far you are doing the right thing, take it real slow. Maybe in time, she will see you are a good Dad and listen to you.

    I wish you the best of luck.

  • SnakesInTheTower

    Mr. Flipper...

    that is sooo cool. I am glad to see glimmers of hope among friends and especially family when they can, even for just a minute, break out of the cult mentality. I hope the card helps and that you and Mrs. Flipper can get some semblance of a relationship.

    And as far as talking to have some spine. I talk to a couple of elders that are close friends, but as one said to me not long ago, "dont say anything that will cause me a moral dilemma..." This coming from an elder that is a college professor. LOL... a lot more open minded, but has to worry about his and his wife's extended JW families.

    Keep us posted...very encouraging report... I need to call you...darn that college...and work.... taking up so much time... LOL

    Snakes ()

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