How Did Your JW Wife or Husband Leave You?

by new boy 38 Replies latest jw experiences

  • new boy
    new boy

    Inspiried by other post and threads....and the love to type.

    After going from being a self rightious Pioneer and Bethelite, to someone who had major doubts.My years drifted by me. I had been a Watchtower slave for over 50 years. One day at a time, I sold my soul. So how could I leave after 50 years? A 27 year marriage, two kids, family and the only friends I ever knew....The answer is.... I could'nt, I didn't have the balls to.

    I thought "O.K I don't believe it, but my life isn't so bad, good marriage, great job, great kids and friends." How could I lose all of them and go on?.....Give up all that, just for the sake of "being right."

    So, I tried living the lie...and it worked for many years. But the bullshit got worse...The politics and clicks the hypocrisy and favoritism, in the Kingdom Hall.....The biggest thing being the major "lack of love"..... And Hay isn't that supposed to be their identifying mark? Well guess what...it wasn't there..and it wasn't at Bethel either! (read by Bethel experiences)

    My wife bless her heart, knew for years I wasn't buying the program. I tried talking to her....but you know how it is...she would get this glazed look in her eyes and start reciting the "but were else can we go, this must be God's organization" bullshit. She looked like a deer in head lights, the poor thing was raised in the insanity just like me....The difference is she stopped thinking years ago...With her...it was all knee jerk now.

    So it all came down to "The Big Chill" on the last weekend of July 2001. We had about 25 Witnesses from all over the states, come to our home for the weekend. Grace Fraizer, Jim Pells, Kelly O'Brien, Doug Ava, Bob Nelson, Dan McGloffen....and all their wifes. Yes all of my really 'good' friends. Lots of good food and drink.

    During one of our many conversations with the group. I mention that I felt "That the society was losing the young people in the organization.".....Well before the weekend was over, two people came up to my wife and asked her how could stand to be with someone like me!

    Monday the 30th of July, I got back from taking the last of the people to the airport. I was sitting in the living room thinking how strange the whole weekend was. I got up and went into our bedroom she was the next room taking a bath. I started talking, she had the strangest look in her eyes, she was staring at the ceiling and saying nothing....she finally said "The friends want me to go camping with them" I said "Great go, I need to stay and work."

    I got up and went back to the living room....and set there. A few minutes later, she came out to the living room, with a robe on and that same strange look. Neither of us said a word, she came over to me and kissed on my cheek. She turned and walked back in to the bedroom.......I KNEW AT THAT MOMENT THE MARRIAGE WAS OVER!......... don't ask me how I knew it....I just did.

    Next morning I hooked up the "See Doo" to her car. She jumped in the car, the window was rolled down she put the car in drive and was heading out of the driveway. I said "Hay after 27 years don't you want to at least shake hands or something?" She stopped the car got out. We both held each other and cried....Nothing else was said, she got back in the car and drove away...she was gone...

    Two days later she called be and said she would come back only when I got my additude straighten out about the church...

    I said "I can't do it anymore."

    With the possiblity of losing everything I ever loved.....I just couldn't do it anymore.

    P.S. I did lose everything....but I got my two kids, they were treated so badly by their "friends" because I left....They left too, they said "This is bullshit Dad...we are out of here...and besides we only did it for you guys it was never real to us."

    P.S.S. So was it worth it....my answer is YES!.....Don't waste another day....don't waste....50 years like me....one day at a time...saying to yourself "It really isn't all that bad."

  • Hortensia
    Hortensia

    wow, what a story - how shocking. You make one offhand comment, and the JWs have your wife guilted into leaving you. Of course it probably had been coming on for a while, but still, what a shock.

  • peggy
    peggy

    A few weeks after my middle daughters wedding, my husband moved across the country. We had been married 27 years. The grief was astounding! It wasn't that I didn't know our marriage was over, I guess I just thought that somehow, someway it would somehow work out. We divorced almost two years later and he remarried 11 months after that. I think in many ways, it was after he left that we learned to be more honest with each other then in all the 27 years we were married. I miss him every single day, but it is only the good I remember with that loss. I have to work at remembering how utterly alone I felt in the marriage.

  • Tired of the Hypocrisy
    Tired of the Hypocrisy

    That is a powerful story. It is scary how a little aside like how the youth are going can trigger such a negative response. They are really arrogant, aren't they? I am glad you are out, but sorry you lost your wife in the trade.

  • still_in74
    still_in74
    A 27 year marriage, two kids, family and the only friends I ever knew....The answer is.... I could'nt, I didn't have the balls to.

    yes...

    I tried talking to her....but you know how it is...she would get this glazed look in her eyes and start reciting the "but were else can we go, this must be God's organization" bullshit. She looked like a deer in head lights

    yes...

    P.S.S. So was it worth it....my answer is YES!.....Don't waste another day....don't waste....50 years like me....one day at a time...saying to yourself "It really isn't all that bad."

    at 33 years old I am beginning to wonder how many more years.
    Today I found the pressure of "living the lie" got to me so bad today that I actually broke down... just for a few seconds a couple of times... but it happened. I choked it down and moved on.
    for a brief moment today I just wanted to leave everything behind and be done with it. But here I am... living the lie.

  • Galileo
    Galileo

    Thank you very much for sharing your experience. It is all too familiar. Many of us have bought our freedom at great cost. But I agree, it is worth the price.

  • new boy
    new boy

    Peggy.....Sweet Heart ours are just one of 1,000s of like stories. Stay busy and think of your kids...something good will be on its way to you my friend.

    Still in 74....People must do what they think is best so go with your feelings. It will never be a "win win situation" Just don't lose your soul in the compromise....

    Galileo...my friend you inspired thread.

    Keith Casarona

  • peggy
    peggy

    Keith....the good that has come my way....already...too much to count.

    I was at work the day my husband came home, packed his few belongings and was gone. He left our home in tact. It was only a few boxes and his clothes that were missing....and of course...he himself.....

    It was March 2004.

    It was a day of enormous loss and a day for new beginnings.

    Peg

  • Casper
    Casper

    Wow New Boy,

    Powerful story. Thanks for sharing that.

    shake hands or something?" She stopped the car got out. We both held each other and cried....Nothing else was said, she got back in the car and drove away...she was gone.

    This part made me cry.........

    As for myself,

    My JW husband, didn't leave me on purpose or to prove a point. He passed away 10 years ago. I was baptised 1 year when we met and we were married 13 years. He whole heartedly believed. I didn't, but I stayed for him, numbing my mind to it all and playing by all the rules...wondering what was wrong with me the whole time..... (just like they want us to think).

    After he left, so to speak..... I was out of there....

    Cas

  • reniaa
    reniaa

    I found myself wishing to hear your wife version of the story, It feels like you've left a lot unsaid about the weekend but if you truly love your wife still, there can be hope for you both, you could try talking things through about your feelings for each (Not about JW's) focus on how much you have shared together the trails and tribulations of life having kids etc,

    It saddens me on here to see how many relationships end when the faith in JW's does, people forget out of all the WTS and life you chose that person to love and raise a family with! Surely there must be more to our feelings for our partners than a religion? isn't that relationship worth fighting for even if the religion is gone? I say this to you because you sound like you genuinely love your wife and her you, ask her if Jehovah allows for her to leave you and you life together on reasons of your lacking faith alone?

    reniaa

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