Failure....oompa did not take his life back (page 4)

flipper

OOMPA my friend , you know I love ya man, and care like many of your friends here on the board ! I will share an experience from my past and perhaps it may help you see a perspective which might assist you as well.

Here goes. When I was in my late 20's I did a little construction work for awhile after moving before getting my janitorial business going again. Some jobs were out of town , so my workmates would go out drinking, and not wanting to feel alone on the road , I would go out and drink with them. After awhile I noticed that they downed their beers or liquor quicker than me ; and I would find myself trying to keep up with them , to impress them . Kind of a peer pressure thing , wanting to be " a man " and hold my liquor .

Another situation : I used to golf with an elder in my mid 30's about 13 years ago - and this elder would put away 6 beers on the front 9 holes, then 6 more on the back nine holes ! So , once again , trying to act like I could compete with him , by the time I reached hole # 10 I was pretty lit ! I had kept up with the 6 beers in 2 hours or so , but after that my golf game went downhill ! He continued knocking down the beers, think I had one or two more on the back nine !

So, the point I'm making is I wanted to impress these people I was with ; that I could keep up with them drinkng , but I was really just hurting myself, and my liver. I found that in time I had to hang with people who didn't drink in those excessive amounts , because they influenced me. I know, I know, it's cliche ," bad associations ", blah, blah, but I found it true in my case anyway . So, perhaps you might think about what hanging out with those drinking friends does to you my friend . Peer pressure can be a bitch sometimes. Just saying this cause I care friend. Peace and love, Mr. Flipper

chickpea

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." - Winston Churchill

no one changes until it hurts more not to change.... ( someone smarter than me)

dont beat yourself up.... you did not trailblaze this path.... we have all been on it, or one similar to it

c/p

jgnat

I'm going to ramble a bit. I'm learning a bit more about addictive behavior the last couple years.

The only progressive, proven successful program I know about is AA. The God part is not essential to recovery, but confession, complete honesty, acceptance of yourself, and accountability are essential to your recovery. The board is too far removed. You need to be looking in the eye of your sponsor and tell them how long you've been sober.

I'm convinced that the hiding of the problem is the part that destroys the soul and the relationships. You are giving up your integrity, man. Your integrity comes at too high a price. It's the one thing that no man can take from you. It's not like your wife doesn't know. Your hiding it just demeans her as much as you, because you can't look her in the eye. My son and I have a pact, now, over his Meth problem. He is not to call me when he is high in a fit of remorse. He's to call his sponsor and get out of the mess himself. I won't be dragged in to the consequences. But he is to be honest with me afterwards, and I will readily accept him. He is to be a man and stop pretending that the drugs aren't killing him. That way, I'm not being lied to, and our relationship remains honest. And in the final analysis, he's the one who pays for his choices.

The third thing that I just learned in the past month, is from a therapist who works with people with eating disorders and weight problems. She says we often indulge in what she called "polarised thinking". That is, some foods are "good", others "bad". We have "good" and "bad" days. When we over-indulge, we've been "bad". It's had me re-think my whole approach towards my own addictive habits. Could I be feeding the cycle, by becoming depressed when I am "bad", and indulge further, despairing that I will ever be able to be "good"? Those bad feelings, also, demand to be hidden. Then comes the lying, both to ourselves and those closest to us.

I see some of that same pattern in you. You are a heavy drinker. You go through cycles of despair, believing you may never be able to overcome this. Or you have a flush of hope from confession, but perhaps dread the coming of your next bender. I think there has to be an essential acceptance of your human-ness. In or out of your last bender, you are the same man, with every minute being a new choice and a new moment. You are a loveable and valuable human being either way.

I pass on my most earnest hope that you will daily, hourly, minute by minute if need to, to make a choice for the better.

magoo

.....oompa....in 1995 i was 44.....i had been drinking heavily daily since i was about 17. in 1988 i got my 1st dwi....cost me a lot of money. i still never even slowed down on drinking. in 1995, after partying at the office with my buddies, way too much to be driving home....i tried driving home...not a good idea.

after wrapping my pickup truck around a power pole, being cut out of my truck by the jaws of life, taken by ambulance to the hospital....i had 3 broken ribs...gashes, bruises & contusions...but i was still alive.

i thought i had gotten away without getting my 2nd dwi.....but i had forgotten due to my drunk ass not knowing what i was doing at the hospital, submitted to a blood sample. well guess who wanted a copy of that test ? uhhuh.....the dps(department of public safty------state police)......4 weeks later, i got a dwi thru the mail !!

my insurance had paid for my truck, the replacement cost of the power pole, ambulance ride & hospital.......that was before i got the air mail dwi. needless to say they canceled my insurance......i had to get high risk insurance & an sr22 policy, etc.

.....long story short...i was very lucky...i felt like someone or something was trying to tell me something.....that possibly a 3rd strike & i would be out....for good ! i still drink occasinally, moderately...i never drink & drive. i don't miss drinking everyday....i often ask myself what i saw in drinking so much.

it is up to you & only you to change your attitude toward drinking.....no one can encourage you enough to change.....you have to decide you want to be above being a drunk. if you want you can do it........if i can do it, anyone can. good luck to you my brother.

magoo (of the sober & proud of it class)

SPAZnik

failure is an awfully brutal word.

how 'bout "setback" ???

be gentle on yourself, man.

cognizant dissident

Sometimes the words we use to describe our story, trap us and hold us back from changing. For instance: "I am taking back my life!" Taking back from whom? Your life has always been in your hands, at least since you were an adult. That phrase makes it seem like someone else has been in control. If you are not in control than you don't have to accept responsibility. Do you see what I'm getting at here?

You have chosen to explore overdrinking to the point of alcoholism. You have seen and experienced the misery of where that leads. Now you can choose to explore sober. See if that leads you to a better place. Your life always was in your hands all along and it still is. Accept that responsibility. Forget the past, It is over. What do you choose to do with your life now, from this day forward?

Cog

The Scotsman

oompa -

Why do we fall?

So we can learn to pick ourselves up.

If you are seriously ready for a change then do something to prove it ....go into re-habilitation for your drinking problem !

Failure....oompa did not take his life back

flipper

chickpea

jgnat

magoo

SPAZnik

cognizant dissident

The Scotsman

NewYork44M

LouBelle

troubled mind

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