The angst of dealing with family when they are still in and you are not...

by Layla33 22 Replies latest jw friends

  • jamiebowers

    I don't know what's worse; having contact with family who are still in or being shunned completely. I've been shunned completely.

  • IP_SEC

    I guess im really lucky. I never get shunned unless other JW's are around. I dont have to hear about joehooba this and joehooba that because I was up front with everyone when I left. Dont know what to tell you other than im sorry. family is made not born into.

  • Deidra

    Jamiebowers, I'm been shunned completely also. Therefore, it's best to move on instead of hope oneday that they'll accept us. The fact that we're completely shunned tells me that they have absolutely no human compassion/hear/feelings left in them. The fact that they don't maintain some contact shows that they are staunch hard.

    IP_SEC, that's good you have a relationship with your family. But doesn't it make you feel like sh** when your family fakes shunning you in front of other JWS. My family used to downplay our relationship to others before they completely shunned me (once I made a christian stand) and it made me feel cheep. Not good enough for others to know about, kinda like a mistress or prostitute. I'd rather them shun me all the time instead of them sneaking to love me. That doesn't feel very good either.

  • IP_SEC
    But doesn't it make you feel like sh** when your family fakes shunning you in front of other JWS

    I really wish i could co-miserate with you, but no it doesnt. It is just another hypocritical bullshit part of the whole human experience

    Wow ppl that I share genes with treat me like shit whoopty doo..

  • Dagney

    Oy vey, I've had one of those days, talking with the mother who is making the pitchers of Kool-aid to serve the faithful. She doesn't treat me differently, I don't think she ever would shun her kids. But it's the constant preaching, how wonderful everything is, how smart the brothers are, and you don't even want to know what she is saying about the new info.

    Even though I get my digs in where I can, she is elderly, and I don't want to cause her further worry, than she already has about me not "making it." **sigh**

    I did talk with my JW g/f later an we commiserated about the parents and their unquestioning loyalty to a corporation. I did drop the hint about the controversy in the UK about charity status.

    Tomorrow is another day, but it is sad and draining, this situation JW's have created.

  • The Doc 58
    The Doc 58

    The only family member that still contacts me is my mother. When I first left, i entered therapy and my mother warned me by saying that the therapist may "tell me not to talk to my family." Well, I thought about it for a second and said back to her, "Isn't that what the organization tells you to do to me?" She was stunned and couldn't respond. I have since decided to shun my family in return. It is definitely better for my mental health.

  • Mary
    Sometimes he gets weepy and says, "I don't to lose you, I want to see you again..." And I feel for this man, I do. Not because I believe remotely in what he is saying, but because I KNOW he believes what he believes is right. Like my grandmother, who is like my second mother, we talk all the time and she is so excited to see me and we sit and we talk and we laugh like there is nothing else going on. For one moment out of the time, she will say, "when you going to come back to Jehovah?" and then I let the moment pass and we just continue to talk. But there are times, deep in my heart that I wish they could wake up.................. Does anyone else know what I am feeling? Have you ever felt like this?

    I think there are many of us on here who are in the exact same position. My parents and eldest sister are still in. While they've never treated me any different that when I still went, I know it bothers my parents enormously that I've stopped going. To them, I've signed my own death warrant by "rejecting Jehovah and his Organization", not because it's in their nature to be judgemental, but simply because it's what they've been taught. And that is sad. The most I've ever told them about what I know about the religion, is when my dad almost died last Fall. I told my mom about the pedophile cover up, the fact that there is absolutely no biblical basis for 1914, or the ban on blood transfusions and that I simply can't go and listen to the bullshit that comes from the platform 3 times a week. She seemed to listen, but both she and my dad were raised in this cult and after 65 years, they're not going to stop now.

  • Deidra

    The Doc-58

    I'm with you. It is much better for my mental health not to play games with my parents. They are fully aware that I shun them also and that it isn't up to them rather we have a relationship. It's no longer on their terms. It feels good for once in my life not to have the fear of shunning held over my head if I don't act a certain way.

  • joelbear69

    I think it is definitely better to be shunned completely. The back and forth thing
    keeps you confused in your mind and your heart. Besides, they are supposed to
    shun you completely. It makes it easier for everyone involved.

    I wish they would stick to their rules. I would have been able to move on
    with my life much better.

  • Layla33

    I received a nice little email this morning, thought I would share it:

    "...the Memorial of Christ death is this Saturday, it would be nice if you could attend. I know you have differences in your belief system, but I think you still appreciate Christ dieing (sic) for us. Attending the Memorial is a way of showing that appreciation."

    This is from a man with two Master's Degrees, highly intelligent and deeply caring, what do I say to this? I swear even when he discusses JW things, it is like he dumbs down.

    Here's how I responded:

    "Thanks for thinking of me. I appreciate the thought."

    and then I talked about something completely not relevant to the subject of the email. LOL

    What are you going to do, but deal with it? It's an interesting mix of complexity and compassion. I accept it for what it is.

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