I don't think you ever truly make peace with it, somehow you learn to maneveur and swim in it like most things. I have been out for so long, it's almost like a shadowy memory when I was in, but for my family it is all they have ever known and dared to know.
I feel for the people whose parents have cut them out completely, but mine never truly did that. I guess we just loved each other a little too much to even think about losing the other completely. And that is the pain/angst. It's hard at times because I love these people so dearly, like my father, my grandparents, my siblings (who have mostly faded), that it is that one thing that is sometimes like the white elephant in the room, that sometimes I wish was different. To be honest, when it comes to decency, love, compassion, I can't think of too many people that top them. I have never attributed it to the JW religion, just who we are as people.
My father is coming to visit me. He's in, I'm DF'd for over 18 years. He stays with me, we go to dinner, enjoy the sites, laugh and talk like a father and his child. Sometimes he gets weepy and says, "I don't to lose you, I want to see you again..." And I feel for this man, I do. Not because I believe remotely in what he is saying, but because I KNOW he believes what he believes is right. Like my grandmother, who is like my second mother, we talk all the time and she is so excited to see me and we sit and we talk and we laugh like there is nothing else going on. For one moment out of the time, she will say, "when you going to come back to Jehovah?" and then I let the moment pass and we just continue to talk. But there are times, deep in my heart that I wish they could wake up.
I had a dream one night, that my father and my brother and mom and grandparents just realized how untrue everything was and we sat around celebrated a birthday and laughed without thinking about anything else. It felt so unbelievably true I woke up weeping, knowing it was just a dream. To know how intelligent reasonable and logical they are, especially my father and realize how much they let logic go on just this one thing, bothers me some times. Although most times I make peace with it and move on.
Does anyone else know what I am feeling? Have you ever felt like this?
(Just needed to vent a bit.)