by cognac 14 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
I have this talk tonight...
Well, of course nations wouldn't be able to frustrate his plans... What the heck can I say in this talk??? I don't like to give JW speeches, but can't think of anything else to say on this one...
I got to think of some sort of good illustration on this one or something... Any ideas???
Forget it.
The hell with this, i'm not going. I can't stomach giving a talk in support of JWs...
I was actually going to recomend that you not go. Why get all anxious and give a talk on something you do not agree with? I dropped out of the school myself about 6 months before I finally left the org. I also just could not stomache giving a talk when I knew it was all lies. Tell them you have a family emergency or the flu. Or just don't show up and don't answer their calls.
Let me ask you, are you still attending meetings at all? Lilly
edited to add: btw are you interested in the bible group? If so pm me you contact information. So far we are up to 5 or 6. From JWD - coffee black will be joining and another poster is going to get back to me today.
Good lord, i attend every single meeting...
now I bring my ipod.
i went to a therapist on sat with my husband. I told them that I was a JW and I hate going to the meetings and that it causes me a lot of anxiety. I mean, this sucks... I told my husband that if I have to hear about the big A one more time I'm going to have a nervous breakdown...
Anyways, I'm torn. I think I can do a lot of good helping people see the truth about the truth, it's just I can't stomach this crap... I'm on meds right now for PTSD so that helps calm my nerves...
cognac,
I went thru EXACTLY the same thing you are going thru. I had PTSD since I was younger but at the end of my time in the JW's, after learning it was not the truth, it got so much worse! I dropped out of the school first and this elder (the school overseer) kept hounding me about re-joining. I went to the PO and told him I cannot take the stress anymore and if this "elder" keeps hounding me I may commit suicide. He told the elder to leave me alone.
I eventually stopped going and my hubby told them to leave me alone because I need a "mental break", which was fine by me. It gave me time to write my 9 page Da'd letter.
Anyway, you will feel so much better after you ditch that milstone from around your neck. How does your hubby feel about your wanting to leave the org? He seems supportive but is it becuase he feels you are just having a breakdown, OR, does he know you want out of the WT totally?
btw: feel free to pm me anytime and we can talk more if you want. I know exactly what you are going thru. You are me, about 4 years ago. Lilly
If you feel this ill about it you should sit it out. It's wonderful and truly shows your Christian love that you want to help others out of the truth, but not to the detriment of your own health. Maybe a small break (a week at least?) would do you a world of good. Take care of yourself, sweetie. -Potential
How does your hubby feel about your wanting to leave the org? He seems supportive but is it becuase he feels you are just having a breakdown, OR, does he know you want out of the WT totally?
I don't really know... He confuses me and I feel like this huge disappointment to him. I feel like a failure to him... He says 1 thing one day and then the next day I don't feel like he feels that way anymore...
I told him I don't want to go tonight, and he was like, fine - call bro. so and so and tell him you are sick, but I'm going.
I just felt like he was so disappointed in me... I think that hurts the most, when I feel like I've disappointed him...
cognac,
My husband was the same way in the beginning. It is really hard. I cried a lot. Almost every day and that made my ptsd worse. I just said a prayer for you and I am always here to talk. I really mean that too. My heart goes out to you because you do not have an easy road ahead of you. It will only get harder before it gets better. But take heart in knowing many thousands of people have been thru the same thing and have survived. In the long run, you will feel better. Once the milstone is pitched. I know it happened to me.
Once I finally said I am leaving for good and then did it, I felt that for the first time in years I could breathe easy. I will add you to my daily prayer list if that is o.k. with you?
Also, please, please consider joining our group this summer. You need a support group and need to meet others who have been thru thing you are going thru. If you are not too far away, please come. But I do not want you to come if it will make things worse and upset your hubby. I'll tell you what, I am going to pm you my phone # and you can call me anytime day or night to talk. Peace always. Lilly
cognac
I just felt like he was so disappointed in me... I think that hurts the most, when I feel like I've disappointed him...
I know those feelings well. They are deeply ingrained and carefully cultivated by the whole JW experience. Lovelylil makes some good points. It never ceases to strike me how alike we all are because of being victims of the same repeated formula of giving one's best to Jehovah that the society emphasizes.
Be strong and stand your ground and in time you'll overcome your PTSD.
ql
First of all, it was a good move to not go. If you don't show up, you will avoid having to come up with the material and illustrations for the talk. Which is a difficult thing to come up with, since you are supposed to dig through the littera-trash of recent vintages and find the stock illustration they want you to use. Plus, there is no way of knowing with certainty if they are even telling anything that resembles the truth about God and the nations' frustrating His purposes. If you don't go, you not only avoid the work but the moral dilemma of supporting a lie.
Now the hard part. This is why they want people to marry only in the "Lord". That way, if you decide it's not for you or that it's a lie, your spouse will keep giving you a hard time about going to the boasting sessions and you will have more to lose should you disassociate or get busted and disfellowshipped (which sounds like it's only a matter of time before it happens). You will need to be gentle yet honest to your husband about your true feelings. I expect him to be irrational and fly off the handle, and try to guilt you into going back when you tell him. You will probably be getting lots of visits from Brother Hounder about that time (at which time, you will probably find it necessary to write up that disassociation letter or get busted for something).
However, it is usually better to tell him honestly that you have serious reservations about the cancer, and that it is doubtful that you can go back to being a witless. If you try to hide it, you will eventually be found out anyway, and then you will have the trust issue on top of the fact that he is not accepting that you no longer want to be a witless. And the trust issue is more likely to bust up the marriage than the religion issue. He might become suspicious that you are doing other things if you are not honest about this issue, and then the sxxx is going to hit the fan.
One can only hope that the worst that will happen is that he will continue to serve his God and let you drop out quietly. If you have no children and your parents were not in the cancer, the worst that can happen if you get disfellowshipped is that you will lose the "support" (=hounding) from the congregation. Even if he remains faithful to the cancer, getting disfellowshipped will not bust up the marriage now. He will go to his boasting sessions, waste time in field circus, and live a stagnant life while you are free to study whatever you feel like, sleep in, and watch whatever TV or music you want. Of course, you will likely find littera-trash where you do not expect, and will probably be hounded to go to the boasting sessions.
If it becomes a physical abuse issue, then he has stepped beyond the line. At that point, it is best to report it to the police. Besides a nasty embarrassment to the congregation (for which he might himself get disfellowshipped), it will impression him that physical abuse will not be tolerated. Even strong emotional abuse (strong insults, the extreme guilt trips, etc.) could result in some kind of harassment charges (or at the very least some embarrassment for the congregation).
All in all, your rights stand. You are not responsible for what your husband decides to do, especially if you no longer feel it's right. Once you honestly tell him that you no longer believe in the witlesses, your responsibility ends. At which point, he will have to either accept it, do his own research and find out what led you into not believing, or risk further disruption in the marriage (which, as cruel as it might sound, might be better off busted up early than bumbling on for decades of fighting and abuse), You are best off standing up for your rights, even if someone's feelings are hurt. And, even if it means missing all those boasting sessions. Even if it means missing the Crapmorial.
